"You know, being the reaper of souls used to be an interesting job, although in the beginning the variety of deaths was basically a long string of 'Eaten by tiger. Eaten by lion. Eaten by meer cat.' broken up by the occasional rash of deaths by flood or volcano. Then mankind got its technological butt in gear and dreamed up all manner of inventive ways to kill one other. Death by spear, death by arrow, sword, pike, mace, cannon ball... man, I was a kid in a candy store.
Then the diseases got a solid footing and it was an endless stream of polio, smallpox, cholera, dysentery, you name it. Tobacco was my favorite as it worked subtly, delicately, killing you years later in a zillion different ways with a zillion little cancers. Ahhh, beautiful cancer.
Nowadays, pfffft. It's gunshot, gunshot, gunshot. Man, I'm tellin' ya, if my 401(k) had performed better I'd be in Hawaii already, knocking back margaritas and scopin' the beach bunnies.
Well, it's been great bending your ear but evidently Syria's going nuclear and I got a job to do. See you later, and I mean that sincerely."