There are all kinds of Hell on Earth. I have had my share of Hell. The worst kind of Hell short of actually having a death is the Hell when a child goes missing.
We , almost all of us, have lost sight of our kids for a few seconds and panic hits.
This is not even close to the torment one experiences when they are gone for a period of time. The dangers that are out there for children are real and they are lurking, even within their own family structure. The sytem to keep children safe is not nearly as good as it should be. Family and children services can even be part of the problem, some knowlngly and some not...Problem just the same.
The stress of a missing child destroys the sanity of a person and has long over reaching power. Many people want children but many do not want the responsiblity or sacrafice that goes with raising children. I have seen Mothers and Daddy's be so proud when the children are all dressed up and playing nicely but at short intervals. I have seen them not wanting to give up partying, or a video game or drugs to even change a diaper. Parenting gets in their way of their own needs. These people need to think long and hard about having children.
I walked into a Big Lots a couple of weeks ago and there were two deputies standing there urging people to please do the Identify a child for their children's safety. The pic..the weight.. the height....fingerprints....and even swabbing for DNA and God forbid one has to use it because then it is no longer a missing child. The rest is a good jump for the Amber alert. I stood and observed with my 8 year old as parent and grandparent alike became almost abrupt with the lady deputies. My mind raced back a few years.
A few tears were welling in my eyes. I was choking back a flood of emotion. I squeezed her hand that I was holding and hugged her close. I walked to the deputy and said, " I want that done". I filled out papers and the family keeps the CD. Nothing is held by authority...Nothing is posted. It is like a vaccination and I urge parents of children to have this done because one never knows.....
Follow me below the orange cloud as I tell you about a walk through Hell
My husband and I had already adopted three of our grandchildren when our son signed custody over to us after the state had taken them from their Mother due to extreme drug abuse and neglect. I am talking hard drugs. I am talking dragging her kids to be around folks like the show , Breaking Bad. I am talking locking small kids out of the house for hours and hours on end. i am talking about children getting to a phone and calling you for help. ( Telling you all manner of things happening). You find yourself in a situation of knowing to call authorties but don't do it.. and kids too small to tell you where they are. You keep hoping the parent will find help. You keep thinking your own son will straighten things out even if they have been separated for a long time. This is a hell in it's own right but not the missing kind. You tell your son to do something.. So he reports all of this to child services. Of course child services thinks it is some sort of marital thing so they have to get several other calls before they start an investigation and since you didn't call, you hope some maternal instinct will bring her to her senses. You are wrong of course, but you hope. You hope the kids are exaggerating and that there really aren't three men babysitting them. You hope all that smoke is just pot. You hope the standing in corners for hours on one leg is a myth and that those whippings they are getting is just a switching and that the mother surely would not let the kids be beat. You hope. You knew of a kinder, sweeter girl but where is that woman? We referred to her as That woman for years.
All said and done, the state stepped in, looked at the Daddy's financial situation and observe the 45 days absent from school, talk to children and take the kids and then it begins but you hope the parenting classes along with a reunification plan works. It doesn't and you and your husband step to the plate to take the children out of the system with some guilt on your plate hoping for parents to act responsibly. Two years pass and after standing children up visit after visit...You adopt. There is a war on because now you have stolen these children in the eyes of the Mother. We didn't of course and give opportunity after opportunity for her to be a part of their lives.
Years pass and now you are in the pre teen and teen years and one of the kids is wanting to see their Mother and starts sneaking off to see her. You do not have a clue but she is being aided by her friends up the street who she is visiting. You find out and after all these years little things come out in therapy with the teen about how that woman had a baby. Recently. The teen is confused. She tells the therapist she is going to get the baby as soon as she is old enough because it is being mistreated. One day the son who has recently moved in with you because he lost his job in Florida...tells you that the kids would like to see their biolgical mother. He says, " Her Daddy is dying and so is her grandma". You ask if she has changed.. He doesn't really give you an answer except that she was OK when he last saw her.
You and your husband speak of this situation and don't want regrets and resentment so you let this nightmare into your home. Of course you check with the maternal grandmother and ask about her behavior. it was a nightmare that eventually turns into a blessing.
Her Mom says she is clean and doing good. You worry. You check to see if the Daddy is really being cared for by this woman who may have straightened up and he is deathly ill. You want the kids to be safe and yet know the other biological parent..IF ALL IS WELL. They also have a new sibling so they need to know her as well. You and your husband give the OK to visit.
You are lurking at Daily Kos, but not often because you are spending free time which is not much, on a place called In Family Adoptions. You spend some time posting on some liberal blogs, helping vets and tending to your household in your non free time. The visits in the beginning go well and the 3 and one month old sibling is adorable. She is beautiful but you notice something right away from the 1st visit. The baby clings to YOU. Not the mother. There seems to be a bonding issue because right from the start as that woman is wanting you to keep the baby as she supposingly has to tend to her dying Father. You do. You soon find yourself having a wee one on your hip, changing diapers, buying formula and up all hours of the night. She drifts in and asks if the teen can go to her Mother's and help her with chores. You say OK. After a few months of these requests you already have a car seat, a baby crying for you when you are out of sight and accompanies you to the grocery store, doctor appointments and soon you two are inseparable and when not with you, with Paw paw...who plays her songs and plays patty cake. Your son is downstairs tending to your Dad who has alzheimers and helps with her as does the 10 year old. You start getting confused.. Maybe you need to check on Grandpa who is dying and you do. When you go to the house that is riddled with sickness, there is no " That woman" or your adopted daughter to be found. The maternal grandmother says they are at the store. You buy it. Hook line and sinker but something else happens. The grandfather who is dying makes a request of you and your husband as he lay dying....on a thanksgiving day. He whispers more than once to you both..to honor a deathbed request. He has intense eyes and raspy, struggling breath. He says,
Promise me you will take care of the baby just like you did the other three. She needs to be with ya'll. Promise me.
He tells my husband and me he would never see these kids if we did not bring them over. He says that his own daughter is messed up with all sorts and drugging again.
You start to freak a little and hope this old fellow is just thinking of times past. Deep down you know the truth. At this point and time, your son is telling you to not let her around the kids...He was wrong. She is worse than ever.
You are wanting to believe her so badly for the children't sake. She seems OK when she makes an appearance now and then but you are all eyes and ears and with the kids in school, the unsupervised visits will stop with the eldest. You begin to notice that you are mothering that baby and that woman is rarely ..very rarely around.. You even call her to tell her about her first step on a cell phone. You got anger problems from the teen but the other two want nothing to do with her and now you realize you have to do something. One day right after the Father./grandfather dies, you think things will normalize..maybe she is just grieving. She stops by and offers to take the teen to the teen's best friend not a mile up the road and can she use the car. She takes the car and baby and drops the teen off. Teen comes in at 11 ..her curfew and starts freaking.. She know something.. The baby and car are gone. They are gone for a very long time.. It is past midnight. No car.. No baby. I am not Casey Anthony's Mom so I start looking. I had just purchased a new car and her Mother who is grieving over he loss of mother and husband has no clue where she is. The baby has no diapers, no food, no bottle, nada with her.
First light comes and I realize all the cell phones but one are missing. I start calling all of them. I overhear The teen calling drug dealers inquriring of the car , baby and that woman. I panic but keep my cool as I start memorizing names in my head. I realize we got big trouble. I am terrified for the baby. The end of the day after watching the teen clam up and the others crying I start looking motel after motel. No car.. No baby. I had just bought the baby some shoes and they were in the car, the only change of clothes the baby has. I come across a ragged out motel and see MY car. Lights flashing, and find the baby in the floorboard crawling around in a trashed out car as I notice that woman walking outside ..I guess to check on her. She hands the baby to me as I am yelling at that woman, " What the hell is wrong with you"
The baby is crying and reaching for me. She slams the baby in the carseat of my car and is yelling at the child. I am ready to fight but know I need to get this child away..Far away from this environment. She says, " Go with Maw Maw..." Shut the hell up..Go with Maw Maw". I am buckling baby in. I had brought a bottle. Baby is screaming. I had to call my husband who you would think had a miracle because vets thrive under extreme crisis. They are at the top of their game. He encourages me to get out of there quick.. That woman is wanting the Mitsubishi for a day. He tells me to let her keep it just rescue the child and make her promise to bring the car home the next day...She Promises to have it back the next day. I warn her. Have the car back and we have to talk.
I stop at a store and start giving the baby a bottle.. She is starving. I get her home and she eats three jars of babyfood. She is dirty and had been crying and was stuffed up from crying. i bathe her and she hangs on to me for dear life. That weekend is Easter and the car did not come back for three weeks and the police recovered it as I had a BOLO out on the car and got temp custody of the baby. The baby was sick and I knew not where the mother was. I tried to file charges of grand theft but could not. I handed her the keys but that is a whole other story. She still stole the car and I don't care what the law says. They hand keys to people when they rent or trial drive a car as well. The maternal grandmother had moved 80 miles south....but one night while I was thinking things were safe.. I had temp custody.. That grandmother walked in my house and took the baby. She told me she was glad I had custody and she had no idea where that woman was. She asked if she could visit with the baby. I had no reason to mistrust Grandma. She in all the years I had known her had not given me grief. I said she could take the baby for a short visit but bring her straight home and do not let her daughter around the baby. BAD MISTAKE... She disappears with the baby... The baby had been abandoned for over three weeks and now after I got emergency custody the child has disappeared ,,OH GOD !!!!!! I call my attorney, the law, and the law takes a report and do nothing. No amber alert. No nothing.
I had custody. parental kidnapping is a felony. My attorney is raising hell about no charges being filed by the DA and we can't get anyone to even look for the baby. My husband and me start going all over a three county area looking. We go to a judge and get a pick up order. We visit police depts. We are out of our minds.
The teen is crying, the other two are crying and the teen starts telling me how bad things are. She starts acting out badly where I have to take her to a hospital and she is admitted on suicide watch. The 12 year old is in counseling every evening....the rubber is about run off the roads from searching.. I make a video of the pic of the baby and Mom and post it everywhere. I do not know how I managed. My son was running everywhere looking, my husband is a rock. He goes with me, reaches out to the children and we pray. i cry. My son says as I start to leave on another hunch where the baby may be from a tip from someone, that she may kill that child before she lets me have her ...He warns me
.." She is dangerous".
I tell him you brought this on this house and we will talk later. Go tend to Grandaddy.
I want to know why there is no amber alert. I am getting down and nasty with the cops.
The 11 year old is sleeping with the baby's blanket..crying. We are truly in Hell.
I watch the news.. I wait for a picture.. I have called everyone I can think of. I flinch everytime the phone rings. Michelle (whatgodmade) is a constant companion. I finally get in touch with Harold Copus. He is a former FBI agent who specializes in finding missing children. He worked for the Dr. Phil show. He is a terrorist expert and just finished working on the Natalie Holloway disappearance. Here is our correspondence. Dated May 21 2006
Ms. Kato,
I apologize for taking so long to get back to you.
I have read the attachments to your e-mail.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
My best guess is that the child can be located. It will take
an effort.
We would have to work this case like we did when I was in
the FBI and worked fugitives. You would have to assign 2 to
3 investigators at the height of the case to obtain any
results.
You may have to expend as much as $3,000 to $5,000 to work
this properly. That is a lot of money and I understand. It
is an ugly situation when we have to put a price tag on the
location of a missing child but I have no choice. Our folks
have a tremendous amount of experienced and they are
compensated well. I personally would head up this case just
because of the situation.
Even if we found the child, my next fear is the custody
situation. We would want to work very close with your
attorney in this matter. It does not help to find the
child and then see the baby taken away by DFACS and given to
someone who may not have the best interest of the child. I
definitely would prefer that XXXXXXXXXXX BABY'S GRANDMOTHER 'S NAME should not obtain
custody based on what you sent me.
You can call me at my office-XXXXXXXXXX, or my cell
phone-770-XXXXXXX. I copied XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwith this e-mail
She coordinates these cases for me and can schedule a
meeting if that is your next step.
If we do not get a chance to work with you, please know that
my thoughts are with you. I hate to see a child of any age
suffer. My prayers are with you and your family.
If I do not hear from you about retaining us, please send me
an e-mail and keep me updated. I am concerned.
Warmest Regards
Harold Copus
This man found our little girl..three days before a court date and assured us he had his team on her whereabouts and we wait and demand the court have those people produce the child to less traumatize the situation..and reported to me and my husband daily... it would be almost a year before this case came to trial on custody..But we had the baby back.. Underweight and having nightmares screaming maw maw.. I could not even go to the other room without her hanging on to my clothes. I did find out later she was left in the woods in an old trailer and moved about and left alone while the Mother went to parts unknown and that came from her own sister on the stand.
He never charged us but one hundred dollars. he said, " I never do this but I have checked and this is all true and that little girl is in danger with that Mother and grandmother. I will take the case and go to court. He did. We became friends.
After we obtained permanent custody and every judge in the county heard bits and pieces of this case...Judge Blackmon, the judge who went against the banks brought the hammer down on the bio mother. The odd thing she only served one day in jail for interference with custody.. Now.....that is not the end of the story because in the midde of getting permanent custody the 16 year old came up missing early one morning as she took off with the bio and we had adopted her.....years before and was missing until just before the final trial of permanent custody.. Again.. No amber alert.. NADA. 4 months she was gone and the police piddled at the case.. Again Harold Copus and a detective from the Bio's residence moved into the case. The Carroll County Sheriff's dept where we lived did little.
Here is one piece of correspondence from a detective who was supposed to be working that case.
Amanda do you have the name of the female investigator in Monroe County?
From the CCSO... is that a joke or what?
I was doing their jobs.. Republican Sheriff and flunkies.
I kept every single piece of correspondence from this ordeal for the baby who is now 8.
I have been her mama since she was 4 months old. Vet has been her Daddy.
The 16 year old was let off on the side of the road by the bio all drugged up and I had the police pick her up and take her into custody for her own safety and placed into a rehab through juvenile court where it was discovered she was doing meth, barbituates, etc with the bio mom. She is juvenile diabetic. She could easily have died and the bio's sister called right before trial with guilt and told the whole store to our attorney and tried to tell it to the Sheriff but only another county would listen and arrested the bio for
interference of custody. The bio continued to stalk the teen in the residential hospital and every time I tried to have her arrested the biological mother thing hindered an arrest. She lied her way into the hospital.....I was livid.
She did not just give drugs to our kid but to neighbors kids but she still walks free and every single word of this is true.
After the banksters stole our home I could not get out of Ga. fast enough. I hate the Carroll County Sheriff's dept who i have thought of suing many many times.
You have just had a walk through hell with me..
Go.. Get that ID.and hope some backwoods sheriff's dept helps in searching for not one but two children that you are a guardian or parent of.
This is Harold Copus.. a fine man and advocate for missing children.
http://www.youtube.com/...
Please check out the above you tube of Harold on CNN
Below is a one of two videos I made.
This is the our darling's first birthday when she was abandoned by her biological mother
Everything I told here is public record. It is in a 400 plus page transcript of the custody hearing. Documented and like I said, public record.
When I hear people say, I have a gun for protection...I think of this and we may have gone the hard way but we went the legal way. No one died.. Thank God. When I hear people talk about how great Republicans love families and vets.... I think of this.
When I hear of injustice.. I think of this as far as not going to jail. Justice was not served on this woman legally but maybe they felt losing 4 children even after documented evidence by a judge found her cruel to children naming our teen in his opinion of the decision was enough justice. From the stand I begged her to get treatment. To this day she is still walking between the rain drops. Still messed up.
Still not getting caught.
These children are all legally adopted and I told that bunch of do nothing sheriff's administration I would never call them again. The baby had turned 4 when we legally adopted her. She is a happy little girl and very smart !!!!!!
A child is abducted every 40 seconds in the US.
http://missingchild.wordpress.com/...
I just found out while researching this our rights were federally violated by these children not being entered into the NCIC database.
Thanks for listening....