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Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK)
Rep. Mullin
Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin, who is essentially Biff from the Back to the Future movies and who is one of the more notable reasons America cannot have nice things, knows the reason that the government is shut down. The problem is that the four branches of government are not working together. Yes, all four of them.
“This country isn’t ran by just one individual it’s ran by four branches, but three branches that are in control of this,” Mullin said Tuesday. “As long as those three branches control it, then we all have to figure out how to negotiate. Not all of us is going to get 100% of what we want, but we should do what’s right.”
An astute observer might note that there are not four branches of government. Not unless you include the Lizard People, and I think even Biff Mullin here is wise enough not to refer to the Lizard People in a public speech. The rest of America is famously governed by three branches of government, the three that any child is generally able to name before their 10th birthday. Biff belongs to one of them. Presumably Mullin is elevating the House and the Senate into each being separate "branches" of government; that is not quite the way the Founders set it up, but if you can reinterpret the Bible into an all-encompassing Godly command for poor people to get bent, inventing a new branch of government is probably simple enough.

Biff Mullin has also been getting a bit of guff from back home, which is probably why he seems a bit addled of late. Notable was a telephone town hall in which Mullin earnestly informed callers that the reality they have been living in is an illusion. An illuuuuusion:

Two callers said they had signed up for insurance through the ACA, commonly called Obamacare. Another said co-workers had.

When Mullin tried to tell her that insurance enrollment through the online exchanges that went active on Oct. 1 “isn’t happening,” she said, “It absolutely is!”

I think we have pinpointed the problem here. Mr. Mullin simply does not live in the same dimension as the rest of us. It is not that he is an irrational lunatic, he is simply unaccustomed to the ways of our people, with our three branches of government and our constituents signing up for things that, in Mr. Mullin's dimension, do not exist. He went on to tell another caller that people dying of cancer do not exist either, because our current system lets uninsured patients ride on the backs of magic unicorns to Free Health Care Land, so long as you fill out the proper forms.

The same caller mentioned in passing that a friend who died of cancer never went to the doctor because she did not have health insurance.

“There are a lot of programs out there that if people need medical help they can get it,” Mullin said. “There are a lot of hospitals out there that do the work for free.”

I suppose the proper pundit thing to do would be to politely rebut each of Mr. Markwayne Mullin's assertions and moan a bit about how the parties cannot work together these days, but the more responsible and America-loving thing to do is to point out that Mr. Markwayne Mullin is, to use the technical term, a moron. An imbecile. A stupid man who does not tether himself to the same reality as the rest of us, and who seems quite eager to doom us all via a series of economic and governmental neutron bombs rather than to contemplate a world in which he might have to learn a new fact. When we place morons in any one of the three (three, Biff) branches of government, we need to presume that they will do moronic things, and with gusto.

Originally posted to Hunter on Tue Oct 08, 2013 at 10:31 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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