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Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-OH MY GOD) just left the podium after giving remarks to the press, concerning talks he's had with his "colleagues" in the U.S. House about the current government crises.

Using a state-of-the-art Android app, which bases its output on skin-tone, breathing irregularities and rectal temperature, we have translated his remarks for the viewers, below:

"Our leadership team met with our members today"

Translation:

"Uh, it's chaos.  There, I said it."


"Trying to find a way forward in a bipartisan way."

Translation:

"Screw the Democrats, I can't even get MY people to listen to me any more."



"There are a lot of opinions about what direction to go,"

Translation:

"Um, not only aren't our ducks in a row, we've apparently misplaced the ducks."



"There have been no decisions about what exactly we will do."

Translation:

"I have not yet been informed of my position on this matter."


"But we're gonna continue to work with our members on both sides of the aisle"


Translation:

"Well, we've locked the Democratic caucus in the House gym and seated the GOP on both sides of the aisle, so I could say this with a straight face."


To try to make sure that there's no issue of default, and to get our government reopened."


Translation:

"I resign my speakership, effective immediately."



Hat-tip to Meri at TPM for the "I have not yet been informed of my position on this matter." line, which inspired this diary.





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