Last night Bill Maher took Ted Cruz to task for faking it when he went hunting, and talked about how politicians could win by embracing legalizing marijuana.
And finally, New Rule: Someone has to tell me how a guy as useless and hateful as Ted Cruz can perform an act as pointless and cruel as hunting, and still look like he's faking it.Video below the fold.
It's like your prison cellmate faking an orgasm while he rapes you. If he's not digging this, who is it for?
And why, Ted, why? You've already proved your total dominion over primitive creatures with brains the size of walnuts — after all, you're the leader of the Tea Party! (audience applause)
Yes, this week Ted Cruz dressed up as Elmer Fudd for Halloween, and made the traditional trip to the heartland to be photographed serial killing defenseless birds. All to show a certain kind of voter he gets them. And I understand that there are actually some Americans who do hunt to feed their families. Harry Reid, for example, was so poor as a child, that if he didn't shoot a rabbit that day, truly, his family didn't eat. And for years, as we know, John Boehner has lived on nothing but wild turkey. (audience laughter)
But only 6% of Americans now hunt. And when civilized people like Mitt Romney and John Kerry have pretended to, they made fools of themselves. I had the same reaction to John Kerry in this getup as I had to Ted Cruz. And that reaction was, what a dick.
Like many Americans, this picture makes me less likely to vote for you, and more likely to wish your hunting partner was Dick Cheney. (audience laughter and applause)
And by the way, Obama never did this. Because he tried bowling once, and he said, that is enough with the white people shit. (audience laughter)
And to Republicans, who these days always say they want to reach out to women, and Hispanics, and young people — hunting, not really the way to do it.
Millennials don't want to get up at 4am to sit and wait for a moose to walk by. If they want to kill something, there's an Xbox right downstairs.
No, if conservatives want to broaden their base, they shouldn't be pandering to hunters. They should be pandering to stoners. (smattering of audience applause)
The new American voter isn't some old coot shooting at some food, it's a young Latina lesbian who smokes a boatload of dope. (audience laughter) If Republicans want to pass the torch to the next generation, they need to pass the torch to the next generation. (audience laughter)
I mean, come on, you guys, you say you're for freedom, and for getting the government off our backs. Why not embrace pot? You could own greed and weed. Legalizing it speaks to all the most hallowed conservative principles, like individual rights, deregulation, and of course, taking jobs away from Mexicans.
And besides, in this age of popping Molly and shooting up with weird Russian drugs that make your skin rot off, pot is conservative. To kids, it's something the old folks reminisce about at Thanksgiving.
Two-thirds of Americans under 30 want it to be legal. These are the new voters. And by the time they're 65, they'll expect weed to be covered in Medicare Part D. (audience laughter)
And like me, they're probably tired of waiting for Democrats to "evolve" on this issue. President Obama has been a buzzkill on pot from the get-go. Despite his doing a great deal of personal research on the issue when he was young. Legalizing pot was on the ballot here in California a few years ago, but it lost. Mostly because no Democrat would stand up for it.
So Hillary, consider yourself warned. If you want to protect the Democratic base and young voters, say goodbye to the pantsuit, and say welcome back to stoner Hillary.