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I guess now you can call us "Potland," Maine.

Last night voters in my awesome city (yes, it's mine—I won it in a bet) approved a referendum legalizing possession of small amounts of marijuana for recreational use. Some are saying that turnout was "high," and the results were a tad lopsided: 67% Yes - 33% No. It's largely symbolic, of course. (Keep your drones on the tarmac, Attorney General Holder---we toke up only for peace and justice.) In fact, it says so (link is a pdf) right on the ballot question:

Portland Green Independent Committee mailer for ro-pot ordinance in Portland Maine Nov. 5, 2013.  It passed.
We did! We did!
The City of Portland, through adoption of this ordinance, resolves to support legislation and laws to tax and regulate marijuana by the State of Maine and the Federal Government.
So keep passin' those ordinances (if not the joints), America---Portland, Maine is behind ya all the way. And now, some oldies but goodies from the quote factory:
"I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There's some pretty good homegrown dope. I'm sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses."
---Stephen King
"The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world."
---Carl Sagan
"I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening...or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. But never at dusk!"
---Steve Martin
Oh, and something else I just thought of: I guess now you can call us "Potland," Maine.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Note: Today is "Marooned Without A Compass Day."  RNC offices will be closed as they consider it a major holiday.  ---Mgt.


Savannah Food and Wine Festival logo
5 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the end of Atlantic hurricane season: 24
Days 'til the Savannah Wine and Food Festival: 5
Rank of Alaska, Massachusetts and Maine among states with the most valuable seafood harvest in 2012: #1, #2, #3
(Source: NOAA)
The number of people residing in homeless shelters each night last month in Portland, Maine: 504
Number of previous months when the number has been that high: 0
(Source: Portland Dept. of Health and Human Services)
Rank of "running out of money" among top fears of people under 50: #1
Rank of "snakes" among top fears of people over 50: #1
(University of Texas at Austin poll)


Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 4 Kings of the East and 1 handy Rapture flowchart).  Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.


Puppy Pic of the Day:  You're right.  C&J has been negligent in our recognition of the Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever.  We regret the omission.


CHEERS to election day!  Always nice to see we the unwashed citizenry exercising our Flying Spaghetti Monster-given right to vote.  Here are some results from yesterday:

Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker listens to questions at a press conference at the Hilton Americas Hotel in downtown Houston Sunday, Dec. 13, 2009 in Houston.  (AP Photo/Steve Campbell)
Houston Mayor Annise Parker
won her third term last night.
> Bill deBlasio won demayor's race in deBig Apple and will be a welcome relief from deBloomberg.
> In Alabama, the teabagger who thinks President Obama was born in Kenya got defeated by the establishment Republican for a run at a House seat.  I guess crazy has its limits, even among the far right.
> Democrat Terry McAuliffe beat Ken Cuccinelli in a squeaker, thus ending both the AG's and Bob "Governor Ultrasound" McDonnell's reign of frothy fundamentalism in Virginia. Good riddance, creeps.
> Chris Christie, having done what he needed to do to win re-election as governor of New Jersey, will now adopt a tea party mentality in preparation for his presidential run by sticking his head in a microwave oven and punching the button marked "baked potato."
> In South Portland, Maine, residents rejected a referendum to ban the possibility of pumping tar sands oil from Canada to Portland Harbor.  Disappointing, but this is what happens when Big Oil swoops in to spread misinformation and scare people.
> Boston's new mayor is Marty Walsh.  Too early for green beer?
> Openly-gay Houston Mayor Annise Parker won a third term, and openly-gay Washington state Senator Ed Murray will now become Seattle's new mayor.
A great time was had by all.  Thank you for doing your civic duty.  Stop by the C&J cafeteria later and we'll give you a slice of victory pie and slap an "I Voted" sticker on your hiney.

CHEERS to the #15 state.  It seemed like just another boring day in Illinois yesterday, when…BAM!...outta the blue!  A marriage-equality bill passes the Illinois House 61-54, zips through the Senate 32-29, and sits ready for Governor Pat Quinn's signature.  What a terrific surprise:

With Illinois added, I think
we're over 40% right now.
Robyne O'Mara and Lynne Burnett have been together 33 years, and on Tuesday they watched, almost in awe, as Illinois lawmakers cast votes that would make the couple's decadeslong relationship equal to any other.

"We were just blown away," O'Mara said after the General Assembly passed a bill to legalize same-sex marriage. "I think the momentum in our nation has convinced people. It's been an amazing ride the past several years. We're so grateful the legislators took it upon themselves and recognized that every citizen has the right to marry."

In addition to giving Minnesota and Iowa some welcome midwest company in the same-sex marriage club, Illinois nuzzles the Mason-Dixon line, and is now perfectly poised to blast gay rays right into the heart of Dixie.  Our plan is unfolding perfectly.  (Please: no maniacal laughter as it might arouse suspicion.)

CHEERS to the first skinny-guy-with-big-ears president from Illinois.  On November 6, 1860, Abraham Lincoln was elected president.  Even back then the party had its flamboyant wing.  From Joseph Cummins' book, Anything for a Vote:

President Abraham Lincoln, seated
In 1860 presidents were still selected
through a game of "Musical Chairs." This
captures the moment of Lincoln's victory
over Stephen Douglas, who stormed out.
The Republicans held massive rallies and marches several miles long, with hordes of Wide Awakes---Republican faithful who would save the Union---marching with torches and likenesses of "Honest Abe."  The Wide Awakes wore oilcloth capes and strange black enamel caps to protect themselves from dripping torch oil.  In surviving lithographs, they bear a weird resemblance to certain members of the Village People.  Boston Republicans organized a rail-splitter's battalion---in homage to Lincoln, every member stood exactly six-feet-four-inches tall.  And throughout the campaign, Republican newspapers published countless jokes at [challenger Stephen] Douglas's expense, such as: "Lincoln is like a rail.  Douglas is the reverse---rail spelled backwards---liar."
But Republicans got their share of guff, too, as when the New York Herald wrote: "The conduct of the Republican party in this nomination is a remarkable indication of a small intellect growing smaller."  The words were wrong as applied to Lincoln...but, as it turns out, spot-on as applied to the party.

P.S. It's also the 125th anniversary of the day in 1888 when Republican Benjamin Harrison beat Grover Cleveland to become the 23rd president.  Funny thing...Cleveland came back four years later and kicked Harrison's ass.  What's that dish that's best served cold, again?

P.P.S It's also the 152nd anniversary of the day in 1861 when Jefferson Davis was elected to a six-year term as president of the confederacy.  The last two-and-a-half were the lame-duckiest in the history of lameduckism.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

This is another edition of The One Zero Word Answer Man.  Congressman Mike Michaud (D-ME), who's running for governor in 2014, responds to critics engaging in a whisper campaign about whether or not he's gay: “Yes I am.  But why should it matter?”


Now back to Cheers and Jeers.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

CHEERS to gravity defiance.  Time to pick up your dirty underwear and hide your porn, Mars Rover Curiosity---you're about to get some company from India:

Indian Space Research Organisation key chain
Every Martian will receive
an Indian Space Research
Organisation key chain.
Hundreds of people watched the rocket carrying the Mars orbiter take off from the east-coast island of Sriharikota and streak across the sky.  Many more across the country watched live TV broadcasts.  Officials at the space center described it as a "textbook launch." If the mission is successful, India will become only the fourth nation to visit the red planet after the Soviet Union, the United States and Europe.
The craft is traveling at the speed of Bollywood Wedding Procession and will arrive sometime next century.

CHEERS to compassionate conservatism.  On November 6, 1986, mediocre President Ronald Reagan did something decent by signing into law the Immigration Reform and Control Act which, among other things, provided amnesty to 3 million undocumented immigrants.  Or as today's Republicans like to say, "Absolutely nothing happened on this date in 1986 so shut up, shut up, and shut up."


Five years ago in C&J: November 6, 2008

JEERS to cutting and printing.  Cowards...COWARDS!!!  Cartoonist Garry Trudeau was so sure Obama would win Tuesday that his Wednesday Doonesbury strip---created well in advance---acknowledged the victory.  That was too much for some papers because---GASP!---there was only a 97 percent chance he'd be right.  Our local paper, the Portland Press Herald, was among the wussies who chickened out and ran a lame rerun.  If yours did too, here's the "controversial" strip.  But of course they didn’t cut Garfield, in which a cat requested dynamite from a human to kill a flea.  Because, of course, that's totally plausible.

Senator Al Franken
Sen. Guttersnipe
CHEERS to "that guttersnipe Al Franken."  That's Bill O'Reilly's latest term of endearment for the guy who stands a good chance of beating Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota.  The vote total is so close that a recount is being done later this month.  Please understand how critical it is for Franken to win.  It'll extend our majority in the Senate to 58, but more importantly it'll send O'Reilly over the edge.  I'd buy tickets to see that.

And just one more…

CHEERS to U.S. Mint-y freshness.  Woo Hoo!  Pocket change lovers rejoice!  The latest in the "America the Beautiful" state quarters collection gets its official rollout today, representing the great state of South Dakota:

South dakota State Quarter with Mount Rushmore---released November 6, 2013
"Heads I win...cuz there ain't no tails!"
The Mount Rushmore National Memorial Quarter depicts workers putting final touches on Thomas Jefferson’s face. Also included in the design are the incused phrases “Mount Rushmore”, “South Dakota”, and “E Pluribus Unum”, as well as the date of issue. The coin will represent the fifth and final issue of the United States Mint’s America the Beautiful Quarters Program for 2013. The memorial was also depicted for South Dakota’s entry in the 50 States Quarter Dollar program.
Keep one o' these babies in your pocket at all times and I guarantee you one thing: you'll never lose another coin toss again as long as you call "heads."

Have a nice Wednesday.  Just spitballing here, but I doubt that will be a problem for Bill deBlasio or Terry McAuliffe.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

There is not much to say about Bill in Portland Maine except that he may be one of the cutest things ever.
---CBS News


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