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You’re ROFLMAO, right?  If you’re not, at this very moment, doubled over in laughter at the thought of a human being violently sexually violated — check your pulse — because it’s COMEDY GOLD!!  Well, I suppose I should qualify that observation. — “Sometimes.” –  To be honest, I’ve never been able to comfortably differentiate “hilarious” rape from “brutal,” “horrifying” rape, so I’ll leave the explanation to überhip funnyman, Bill Maher.  Hold on tight, folks — things are about to get super rape–err–funny!!

Everybody’s been here –  You want to share a hilarious joke about a vicious sexual assault, but you’re uncertain if the joke will be interpreted as “awesome,” or “heinous.”  Well, cast your worries asunder…  Bill Maher, comedic genius, has cracked the code, ensuring that your rape jokes get the lolz they deserve.  All you have to do is remember the 3-P’s: Priests, Pop Stars and Prison.  If your joke about the savage sexual violation of another human conforms to the “3-P principle,” you’ll never again have to question if your audience will “get it.”  Here’s überedgy Maher employing his patented “3-P” rape-joke principle in real-time –  to a receptive audience:


–pop stars–

and…(the most recent iteration of a long-time favorite)


Bill Maher would be the first to warn you about the perils of straying from the established lol-confines of the 3-P rape-joke system.  As documented in this clip, the super edgy, hip jokester has, on occasion, found himself thrashing about in a sea of awkward, hesitant, restrained sympathy-loling.  Just TRY to imagine a scenario where a person would be more defenseless — more vulnerable — than a comedian telling a less-than-understood rape joke.  Thankfully, the edgy comedic prophet devised a foolproof method for instantly recovering from the painfully awkward reality of misunderstood rape jokes..  You guessed it — more “P’s”…

“Partisan Politics” !!!

See, when the going gets tough, the edgy get distract-y!  And what’s a bigger/better distraction than left v. right politics?  So, in a “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” effort of awesome proportions, Maher became a leading voice in the pile-on shaming of a dopey Republican politician, Todd Akin, who artlessly attempted to distinguish “legitimate rape” from the other kind of rape(?).  Thus..and without a TOUCH of irony, Maher helped to cleanly/precisely delineate the boundaries of acceptable rape language in public discourse.  Brilliant!

Wouldn’t it be nutty if this was EXACTLY how the mainstream media addressed all issues of importance?  Like…if it perversely established the parameters of legitimate discourse for issues like drug possession/use, government surveillance, and war — and, when it strayed from its own demarcated talking-points, swiftly diverted the debate towards the intrinsically divisive realm of partisan politics?  I mean..if that were actually the case.. NOTHING would ever be resolved! LOL!  That would be as funny as a prison rape joke.

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