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This week, the first official Obamacare enrollment numbers were released, and it was a big fucking deal.

"How big was it?"... you asked him knowingly.

So big that it made Hurricane Katrina look like a day at the beach—and yet, so small.

Only 26,794 lucky duckies were able to navigate around healthcare.gov; another 79,391 got coverage through state-based exchanges; and 444,000 others found safety via Obamacare's Medicaid expansion.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "That's not so bad, all things considered. Only 123 people enrolled in Romneycare during its first month; but after just a few years, 98.1% of Massachusetts residents had health insurance!"

And that's certainly true... to a point.

However, the fact also remains that once all of the minorities, sluts, stoners, geezers, veterans, poors, dweebies, kids, LGBTs and immigrants have been purged from the Obamacare rolls, you end up with less than zero.

Morning lineup:

Meet the Press: House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH); Roundtable: Tom Brokaw (NBC News), Kathleen Parker (Washington Post), Republican Strategist Mike Murphy and Chris Matthews (MSNBC).

Face the Nation: LBJ's Youngest Daughter Luci Baines Johnson; Hugh Aynesworth (Dallas Morning News); Mike Cochran (Associated Press); Kennedy/Oswald Surgeon Dr. Ronald Jones; Author Thurston Clarke; Author/Professor Larry Sabato; Author Douglas Brinkley; Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal); Harvard University Prof. David Gergen.

This Week: Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY); Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R); Roundtable: Gwen Ifill (PBS), Former White House Senior Adviser David Plouffe, Republican Strategist Matthew Dowd, Former DNC Chair/Vermont Gov. Howard Dean (D) and Bret Stephens (Wall Street Journal).

Fox News Sunday: US Senate Candidate Liz Cheney (R-WY); Former Maryland Lt. Gov. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend (D); Former Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Bob Woodward (Washington Post), George Will (Washington Post) and Judy Woodruff (PBS).

State of the Union: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu; Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY); Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC); Roundtable: Former Green Jobs "Czar" Van Jones, Ross Douthat (New York Times) and Amy Walter Cook Political Report).

Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report from inside Guantanamo Bay prison, where 164 accused terrorists have been locked up, most for 11 years without charge or trial (preview); a report on a group of billionaires who are pledging to give at least half their vast fortunes to charity in hopes of changing the world (preview); and, a report on an orchestra that's raising spirits and providing hope in the poorest section of Paraguay's capital (preview).

On Comedy Central...

Jon Stewart took a shot at Fox News' crack medical team.

The Daily Show

Monday: Actress Elizabeth Olsen

Tuesday: Actor/Comedian Bill Cosby

Wednesday: Actress Jennifer Lawrence

Thursday: Tom Brokaw (NBC News)

And Stephen Colbert weighed in on the latest controversy surrounding Richard Cohen's "conventional views."

The Colbert Report

Monday: Director Steve McQueen

Tuesday: Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)

Wednesday: Rapper M.I.A.

Thursday: Writer/Director J.J. Abrams

Elsewhere...

Sarah Palin kicked off her annual book tour/defense of Christmas.

The war on Christmas comes but once an election cycle, and with Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas, Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska, fires the first shot. The volume is part call to arms against the "Scrooges" secularizing Christmas, part theological statement about the meaning of Jesus's birth, and part recipe book.

The problem with the holidays today, writes Palin, is they've been secularized. Nativity scenes can no longer be erected on government-owned property, people are afraid to say Merry Christmas, Christmas trees have become Holiday trees, and business owners have taken the Christ out of Christmas. And, as we all know, "this 'war on Christmas' is the tip of the spear in a larger battle to secularize our culture."

Next stop, The Today Show...

There, Palin shared the Tea party alternative to Obamacare with host Matt Lauer.

"The plan is to allow those things that had been proposed over many years to reform a health care system in America that certainly does need more help so that there's more competition, there's less tort reform threat, there's less trajectory of the cost increases? And those plans have been proposed over and over again. And what thwarts those plans? It's the far left. It's President Obama and his supporters who will not allow the Republicans to usher in free market, patient-centered, doctor-patient relationship links to reform health care!"

And, just to be clear...

Palin conceded that Pope Francis might not be a dirty fucking hippie after all.

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) said Thursday that she didn't mean to bash Pope Francis when she said that some of the pontiff's statements on abortion and gay marriage "sounded kind of liberal."

The former vice presidential nominee told CNN's Jake Tapper earlier this week that, while the statements alarmed her, she wouldn't necessarily trust media reports until she did her "own homework" on the matter.

"Just to clarify my comment to Jake Tapper about Pope Francis, it was not my intention to be critical of Pope Francis," she wrote on her Facebook page. "I was reminding viewers that we need to do our own homework on news subjects, and I hadn't done mine yet on the Pope's recent comments as reported by the media."

Gunga Galunga.

- Trix

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