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I was recently running faster than I have in years.I felt a pain,but it was not in my legs or chest. I kept running. In the bathroom,I saw a "lump" where a man does NOT want to see one.
The Doctor looks down as I say "this lump appeared overnight"."Ever heard of a Hernia?" I"m asked. I had no idea you give yourself one of "those" running.My Urologist says," lets take care of ALL your problems in that area while we fix the hernia"."Surgery?" I ask.The doc laughs and says yup we have yet to find a way to fix your problems without going inside.I  knew that, I am a coward. The idea of being on a table while they cut me,scares the hell out of me.
I am told part of my phobia comes from Vietnam days. In surgery, Some Doctors would
always pull a dead soldier up to a sitting position,lay the soldier down and declare the
soldier dead.
I have my surgery,and wake up with two new FRIENDS.A CATHETER and a DRAINAGE
BAG! I was never told about that part.
"So Mike plan on running with a pxxx big on?" You have no idea how many people asked me that.
I have never worn a bag attached to my leg before. Men  will understand the feeling of automatic urinating.I was supposed to empty the thing every hour.
I am in the Couthouse going through the metal detector. Of course the detector goes off. I am being frisked,officer feels the bag. I say the truth, Now I am surrounded by cops. I admit to being Bi-Polar. I can get upset. I said "come on guys, I doubt you can
make a bomb out of urine,never
 use the word BOMB in a Couthouse.I am in a room, pants are up ,and the officers see it is indeed what I said it was. Only now the fluid is all over the floor and the officers pant legs.I was saved from further trouble after they talked to the Veterans hospital.
I am okay for a spell,but am walking with my friend in a very busy store when I feel a
burning sensation.I look down and see urine flowing from under my pants. Little kids are laughing, as is my friend,Moms are glaring at me.I am walking quickly to the mens room.
I just can"t handle wearing a bag. I admire all of you who have to. Having a catheter
inside my you know what, is an experience I can live without ever again. Some of you
may need one, you have my respect.
I would make a lousy terrorist. I hate killing. The enemy seems to be fine killing as many infidels as they can find. They get to go to heaven and play with 70 virgins. Women are now blowing themselves up. Do the ladies get to play with 70 men?
I am almost bald.Look at all the pictures you have seen  of the bad guys.When did
Do you see a bald one?

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (10+ / 0-)

    Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

    by Vet63 on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 05:43:18 PM PST

  •  I hate this rubbish too, what I do is plan ahead (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    salmo

    Wear tennis shoes, put my belt in the computer bag, etc.  Eschew the word "bomb" however, that's probably a good idear, as one of my NY friends would pronounce it.

    You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!

    by Cartoon Peril on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 06:15:32 PM PST

    •  message (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      mookins, Cartoon Peril

      I  hate being Bi-Polar. I say stupid things,without thinking,
      I get angry quickly. The son of a bxxxx is feeling my legs. I am a 64 year old bald guy, what the fxxx did he think I was going to do?

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 07:59:56 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  here's hoping your time with your new "friend" (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    salmo

    will be short-short-short! on a practical level, MIGHT adult diapers help with the situation? since they don't "overflow" when they "fill up"?? take care!

    "real" work : a job where you wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom...

    by chimene on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 06:29:45 PM PST

  •  Of course we've heard of bald terrorists (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    marina, ichibon

    They don't call the right wing terrorists "skin heads" for nothing.  There are more than a few geezers in that bunch too.  

    •  message (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      salmo

      You mean bald,stupid,old geezers like me!Guilty as charged
      your honor.
      Mike

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 08:07:03 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I was casting no aspersions (0+ / 0-)

        I reread my comment, and I apologize for its unsympathetic tone.  The story of your catheter, bag, and the injuries to your dignity should have been addressed first.  That sounds awful; may your hernia repair recovery move quickly beyond the need for that.

        I was responding to the idea that your baldness, and the general geezer status you claimed, should make security personnel look at you differently.  I too set off the security checkpoint alarm at our courthouse about a month ago.  The personnel manning that point did just what they were trained to do, and my white hair made no difference.  Nor should it.  Perhaps I remember the terrorists whose age is like my own more clearly, but it seems to me that there are a enough right wing nuts who we might describe as getting on in years involved to make security personnel cautious.  

         

        •  message (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          salmo

          You should not apologize! I WAS stupid. I WOULD be the perfect
          terrorist.Children have been rigged with bombs in war.I was talking about the Bi-Polar part of me that I fight every day. Anger flares up,I do or say stupid things.
          Mike

          Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

          by Vet63 on Tue Nov 19, 2013 at 06:47:27 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

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