On October 19 one of my brothers died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was only 59 and lived with my parents, who are now trying to put their lives back together in the wake of this loss. Of course they never expected to have to bury one of their children. It seems as though every day brings a new reminder of Mike's death. Recently it was receiving the funeral home bill. My dad told me that Mom cried all the way through the All Souls mass they attended a week after the funeral. Thanksgiving is going to be tough for them and everyone else in the family.
I live about three hours away from my parents and have spent a lot of time with them since Mike passed away. I am currently unemployed and looking for work, but I suppose it may be a blessing in disguise that I have had time to be with my parents to help comfort them.
Welcome, fellow travelers on the grief journey
and a special welcome to anyone
who is new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent, or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person, or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary and say whatever you need to say.
We can't solve each other's problems,
but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Unlike a private journal
here, you know: your words are read by people who
have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up or tone it down..
It just is.
Because my parents are elderly, and lost the son who lived with them, my remaining siblings and I are just trying to be supportive and figure out how we can best support them. It hit me recently that I've been very concerned with my parents' grieving and not so much with my own. Sadness comes in waves and I feel as though I'm just getting through each day. I'm fighting an urge to isolate myself.
Before Mike's death, I had a few job interviews but nothing so far has materialized into a job offer. The night after his funeral I received an email from a job I was very interested in and had interviewed for telling me they had chosen another candidate. The rejection stings and I find it's hard to bounce back. I try to stay motivated and upbeat in my attitude, and continue to apply for jobs, but honestly, some days I don't have much energy.
I really hope something comes up for me soon. I'm single, and my friends have been very kind and supportive towards me, but overall I feel as though I am on a very difficult and lonely journey dealing with losing a loved one and looking for work. I feel as though I'm treading water, caught up in a strong current that could overtake me.
I consider myself a fairly spiritual person and have taken time to meditate, pray and count my blessings. I am still on my feet, healthy and keeping my head above water financially. I am trying to discern whatever spiritual lessons might be embedded in recent events and am trying not to become too attached to any particular employment prospect. But, I have moments when I feel lost and overwhelmed.
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this post. I know others on this site have had to work through loss, grief and unemployment so my experience is not unusual. I think by writing this diary (my first on Daily Kos; I'm a new member) I hope to break through my feelings of isolation and maybe share something others can relate to. Peace to everyone out there.