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A post here earlier today spurred me to go back and look through my diary history. I found this diary that I posted on October 7, 2004. It was one of the first diaries I posted here, and garnered all of five comments, three of them mine.

It's just as relevant and true as the day I posted it, so I thought I'd repost it just for laughs and because it's a Friday and we all could use an inane diary before the weekend hits.

Without further ado, "Dick Cheney babysits his grandchildren"...

As a result of new national security protocol put forth by Attorney General John Ashcroft, all of the President's and Vice President's activities are recorded using digital audio technology and archived - without public access - in a vault at the Justice Department.

Our sources uncovered this audiotape of Cheney putting two of his young granddaughters to bed earlier this summer while babysitting...

[NOTE: Granddaughter 1 = GD 1, Granddaughter 2 = GD 2, CHENEY = DICK CHENEY]

CHENEY: (inaudible)

GD 1: What, Grampa?

CHENEY: (Inaudible)

GD 1: Grampa, you talk funny.

CHENEY: (LOUDLY) I said it's time to turn off the lights.

GD 2: Grampa, I can tell time now.


GD 2: It's only 6:15.

CHENEY: No, it's not.  It's dark already.

GD 1: You pulled the shades.

CHENEY: You need to go to bed now because there are monsters that come out if you're not sleeping by 6:30.

GD 1 & GD 2: Monsters?!!

CHENEY: Yes.  And your grandmother and I have to fight those monsters.  So we need you to be in bed.

GD 1: I don't believe you.

GD 2: Me either.  

[CHENEY flicks off lights]

GD 1: Please turn on the light, Grampa.

CHENEY: What?  So the monster can see you and eat you when he comes in?

GD 2: There is no monster Grampa.

GD 1: You're just trying to scare us again.

GD 2: We're not scaredy cats, Grampa.

CHENEY: I hear something under your bed!

[CHENEY reaches under bed and scratches the floor with his fingernails]

GD 1: Stop it, Grampa!

GD 2: You're always trying to scare us!

GD 1: That's not nice!

CHENEY: Shut your yaps and go to sleep now.

GD 1: (CRYING) I want Gramma!

GD 2: (CRYING) Me too!

CHENEY: Well too bad.  Gramma is out at church, praying that the monster doesn't eat you two tonight... Hey, did you remember to check your closet for monsters?  I hear something in there!

GD 1: (CRYING) I don't hear anything.

GD 2: (CRYING) Me either.

CHENEY: Well, I hope the monster doesn't get out of there.  I'll bet he's hungry after being stuck in there for the last three days.  And hungry monsters like him love to eat little girls.

GD 1 & GD 2: (SOBBING)

CHENEY: (CHEERFULLY) Okay!  Goodnight you two!

GD 1: (CRYING) Where are you going Grampa?

GD 2: (SOBBING) We're scared!

CHENEY: I'm going out to the pond to shoot some cute little duckies!

[CHENEY closes door, GD 1 and GD 2 can be heard wailing.]


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