For Brigette DePape
This memo's to apologize
Regarding last week's hassle;
On Stephen's Day, just past sunrise,
I gazed out from my castle.
It was a lovely day, in brief;
I almost had to sing;
How privileged, to be a Chief
Executive and King.
And looking out I saw, that dawn,
Some huts in poor condition
And found myself reflecting on
(Time-honored) our tradition:
Dispensing at one lucky door
A little food and fuel
So as to give the working poor
A nicer time at Yule.
My page was summoned and assigned
The job (it was quite clear):
To search our database and find
Some peasants living near
At whose house we could make a stop
With food and royal crown
(It makes a perfect photo op
And helps keep riots down.)
I saw the kid's eyes lighting up
(Right then I should have known);
She grabbed her pen and coffee cup
And yanked out her iPhone.
(At her request -- to my regret --
I'd had the castle wired
For high-speed wireless internet.
I should have had her fired.)
All day -- she didn't take lunch break --
We heard her keyboard clack
(My PA said, "Oh, for God's sake.
Can I give her a smack?")
And then we saw her every hour
As she popped in to ask
Some question (answered with a glower.
Could she not stay on task?)
Then she was back: to make a fuss.
"About that rural diet --
It's healthier: for Earth, and us.
I quite think we should try it.
The castle banquets: can't we make
Them veggie once a week?
Let's do it for the planet's sake.
(Besides, it's rather chic.)
Our castle's more than --" (On she went;
She couldn't take a hint) --
"Three thousand fifty nine percent
The average footprint.
With global warming, furthermore --"
(I didn't want to know)
"-- We don't have any freezing poor,
Because we don't have snow!"
The kid was driving me berserk
And my prep time was fleeting;
I told her to get back to work --
Just then, they called the meeting.
I couldn't help but feel dismay;
I told her to keep muzzled;
She promised me that she'd obey
(Though she looked rather puzzled.)
But suddenly, out of the blue,
Quite to my consternation,
A trusting colleague asked her to
Begin her presentation.
And I (who now foresaw a tiff)
Could only think "Oh crap…"
As she pulled up her spreadsheet with
The calculator app.
"It's great to stand before you kings;
And as we meet today,"
(She said) -- "I'd like to look at things
A slightly different way.
St. Stephen's Feast: a time of love
For all the human race.
Let's tackle the root causes of
The problems that we face.
Some simple goals (I've chosen three)
Like worldwide education,
Eradicating poverty,
And proper sanitation
Would cost a tiny fraction
Of the money we make here;
It's time we took some action
To spread lasting Christmas cheer!
To keep Earth within two degrees,
Stop heatwaves and the polar
Melt -- why are serfs still burning trees?
Let's switch them all to solar.
We've got to end reliance
On those dirty carbon fuels
As basic climate science
Says (unless we're total fools)."
She'd gotten one thing right, I fear:
The atmosphere was heating --
I couldn't speak for Earth -- just here
Inside the boardroom meeting.
All round the table came the sighs;
I gazed up at the ceiling,
And saw some others roll their eyes
And wince. (I knew the feeling).
Oblivious, the upstart page
Went on with her digression:
"If we paid serfs a decent wage
We'd fix the world recession.
And in five years (if we're on track)
I can foresee us ending
Child hunger -- with a slight cutback
In military spending."
Well, that was it. She'd crossed the line.
"Sit down!" All through the hall
The voices rose (and loudest, mine);
The speech became a brawl.
My colleagues all began to shout,
Yet nothing seemed to faze her --
Security soon dragged her out.
(They had to use the taser.)
So we all know who was to blame.
It's not what I intended.
(In fact I'm deeply shocked; she came
So highly recommended.)
Well, needless to confirm: she's through.
Escort her to the borders,
And find a page who won't try to
Elaborate on orders.
Background on An Advent Canticle:
In December 2012, I wrote a series of 25 poems in total (one for each day of December 1-24, plus a Prelude) and posted each one here on Daily Kos as I completed it. The poems dealt with common Christmas themes, as well as with issues highly relevant to Daily Kos readers: commercialism, climate change, and interfaith dialogue, among others. The wonderful feedback and support I received from Kossacks was a big part of what kept me going throughout this project!
It was suggested that I repost them on Daily Kos as a yearly event, and after some thought, I've decided to do so. (If you want to read them all, they're archived here; scroll down to the bottom.) Enjoy!