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To the uninitiated, conservative whining sounds like a frenzied inferno of random hate: sound and fury signifying nothing. Not true! As the quote goes: "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

Conservative whining follows a cyclical pattern, by observing their current talking points we can measure how much progress has been made on various issues, and predict what future debates will be about.

Though, I'm not going to use the term "whine" any more, I'm going to use a more vulgar and politically-incorrect one. Because I'm just like that.

(Article continues after, for some reason, a picture of a redhead's pubic hairs).

Because the data source is people bitching, I first called it "The Bitcher Scale". (You know, like the Richter Scale, only having nothing in common with it.)

Then I realized it has more in common with the Stages Of Grief, only instead of normal people grieving a death, it's conservatives grieving over the world becoming a better place. So an alternate name is the "Conservative Stages Of Grief".

(Which do you prefer? Other suggestions for alternative names are welcome. )

Progress = trading big problems for small ones

First, understand that each problem is a solution to an earlier, bigger problem. Progress consists of trading bigger problems for smaller problems.

How the number works

Each generation of problem is the whole number, while the stage of arguments on the subject is the decimal. 1.1 is always a caveman.

That probably didn't make any sense, so please, bear with me.

Stages of Argument

* .1: Out of context problem: Conservatives don't understand the concept. Because they have no argument here, I'll just use this spot to state what the problem is.
* .2: Denial: Conservatives understand the concept, deny there's a problem.
* .3: Misrepresenting solutions: Conservatives don't talk about the problem, when pressed they minimize it, claim people who want to solve it want to go back to the previous problem.
* .4: Delaying tactics: Conservatives don't talk about the problem, when pressed they change the subject or blame progressives.
* .5: Scapegoating: Conservatives talk about the problem all the time, using it to bash progressives, while doing nothing to solve the problem.
* .6: Distraction: Conservatives talk about the problem all the time, using it to bash progressives while proposing something that will either make the problem worse, or replace the problem with a worse problem
* .7: The problem is solved, that is, a bigger problem has been replaced with a smaller problem
* .8: Backlash: Conservatives and nit-picking leftists hold up the new problem as "proof of liberal failures", imply that it's worse than the problem it replaced. Conservatives attempt to return to old problem. Leftists idolize foreign conservatives with the old problem, often back many generations with the furthest extreme being primitivists. This will be used by conservatives at the next stage .3.
* .9: Historical revisionism: Conservatives claim progressives who solved said problem were actually conservatives.

So the "tree stages of truth" are now 9:

"First, it is ridiculed." (stage .1 to .2) "Second, it is violently opposed". (.3 to .8) "Third, it is accepted as being self-evident" (.9)"

Small Example: Energy Sources

Generations of energy sources:

* 1.0: Nothing. Shivering for warmth, eating raw meat.
* 2.0: Firewood. Cutting down forests and choking on smoke.
* 3.0: Coal
* 4.0: Oil
* 5.0: Early nuclear energy
* 6.0: Next-generation nuclear energy, renewable energy
* 7.0: ???

Notice that each generation of the technology is imperfect, yet better than what came before.

* 4.1: Coal and Oil are the main sources of energy.
* 4.2: Denial: "Coal smoke is good for your health" An entire book on this (On a cold day: "So much for global warming!")
* 4.3: Misrepresenting solutions: "Oh, you don't like oil, so you want to go back to the horse-and-buggy era?"
* 4.4: Delaying tactics: Greenwashing. "There's no consensus on climate change".
* 4.5: Scapegoating: They don't talk about this issue enough to be at this stage yet. Election season snipe-and-forget. Occasional accusations that environmentalists don't practise what they preach.

So, our energy source debate is "4.3 to 4.4 on the Bitcher Scale", or we can say "Conservative Grieving over energy progress is at Stage 4.3 to 4.4" with some Peak Oil survivalists at 4.6, blaming the New Deal Era progressives for building highways/the suburbs, and proposing we retool for the horse and buggy era.

What can we predict from this model? Perhaps next the Republicans will flesh out 4.5 by saying climate change is God's revenge for (insert scapegoat of the day). Pat Robertson has already done this with a hurricane or two.

Full Example: black-white race relations in the USA

* 1.1: Slavery
* 1.2: Denial:"Sambo" stereotypes
* 1.3: Misrepresenting solutions: "You're better off here than in Africa"
* 1.4: Delaying tactics: "Abolitionists are making the slaves discontented".
* 1.5: Scapegoating: Lead up to the War Between The States, paranoia about abolitionists arming blacks and promoting slave rebellions
* .6: Distraction: "Compromises" such as the Crittenden Compromise proposed.
* 1.7: Emancipation. Blacks trade slavery for second-class citizenship, lynchings, Jim Crow.
* 1.8: Backlash: Myth of the old south.
* 1.9: Historical revisionism: "We're the Party Of Lincoln".

Generation 2:

* 2.1: Second-class citizenship.
* 2.2: Denial: "Sambo" stereotypes
* 2.3: Misrepresenting solutions: "You're better off here than in Africa"
* 2.4: Delaying tactics: "Martin Luther King is a Communist, spreading division by making the blacks discontented"
* 2.5: Scapegoating: White flight
* 2.6: Distraction: War on drugs
* 2.7: Civil rights act, war on poverty
* 2.8: Backlash: "War on poverty is a failure. Welfare queens. Spoiling them has made the blacks discontented".
* 2.9: Historical revisionism: "Martin Luther King was a conservative", Meanwhile GOP voter suppression, an attempt to return to the old problem, is a reversion to stage 2.8.

Generation 3:

* 3.1: Era of subtle disadvantages
* 3.2: Denial: "You have a black president, obviously there can't be a problem". (Have white people had no problems ever since the first white president? Of course not.)
* 3.3: Misrepresenting solutions: ""Anti-racism is a code-word for anti-white. Politically-correct thought police. Reverse racism".
* 3.4: Delaying tactics: "Identity politics are divisive, making the blacks discontented".
* 3.5: Scapegoating: Survivialism, "race war" paranoia, "Obama's ACORN thugs" etc.
* 3.6: Distraction: "Vote Republican, Michael Steele is off da hook, homie!" - They never got serious about this, but they'll give it another try if the Bitcher Scale has predictive value.

Therefore, US black-white race relations are "2.8 to 3.5 on the Bitcher Scale", or "Conservative grieving over improved race relations is at stage 2.8 to 3.5".

Over to you

So, where does your favorite cause stand on the Bitcher Scale/Conservative Stages of Grief Model? And what future argument does the Bitcher Scale/CSoGM predict on this issue?


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