If you started reading this post because you want to know what I'm predicting for the coming 12 months, I'm sorry for the trickery. Because I rarely make predictions. And when I do they include a lot of hemming and hawwing and ifs and buts. So not really predictions worthy of the name.
Psychics, however, especially Psychics® and Psychics™, are again hard at work telling us what they "see" through the veils of time and whatever other gobbledegook they blanket their forecasts with.
The smart ones and dumb ones alike offer up lots of predictions so that maybe, just maybe, they'll hit one that they can then use to market the "accuracy" of their skills to whomever drops by for a "reading." Everybody gets one right occasionally. Predict enough times that the Pope will die or a recession will start or a movie star will be murdered and eventually: Bullseye! Just get the masses to ignore the hundreds of misses. Absolutely no embarrassment from the failed psychics as long as the cash flows.
In case you wanna keep score anyway, here are some selected psychic predictions for 2014. And remember, if any of these turn out to be true, you read it here first and I didn't even ask for your bank account PIN.
• Edward Snowden will return to the United States and will NOT face trial.
• Chivalry returns.
• Most improbably, the 2014 elections see Texas turning blue.
• With sincere hopes the following does not occur, I sense two natural disasters striking nearly simultaneously in the United States.
• Queen Elizabeth will no longer reign (not sure if that’s attributed to declined health or just time to let the throne go). We will lose Prince Philip in 2014 and this may be the event which motivates her to abdicate.
• Earthquakes in the Midwest, perhaps along the New Madrid fault. The Mississippi River changing course could be a result of such activity.
• NASA reveals that their data shows that there is currently life on Mars.
• There will be food safety scares again in 2014 surrounding fresh fruits and vegetables.
• The Occupy movement becomes the “WE1” we, one, movement. Mass protests worldwide will inevitably have to be televised. Huge civil blockades, strikes, on major highways, in every major city will be synchronized.
• Has a very strong show at the Olympics. Putin is in his glory. There are many technological problems at the Olympics too and some unfortunate accidents. Terrorist attacks and protests are high.
• Kim Kardashian and Kanye West over the top wedding watched by millions. But Kanye West sinks his career. He is trying to control her totally. I don't think they will last.
• Republicans will keep the House with a modest pickup of 4-6 seats. The GOP will most likely end up with 50 or 51 Senate seats (in the former case, keeping Vice President Joe Biden fully occupied for two years presiding over the chamber). Control of the Senate may not be decided until December's Louisiana runoff.
• Every Republican senator and virtually every representative challenged in a primary as insufficiently conservative will win.
• The administration will resign itself to a nuclear Iran and shift to "containment," further eroding U.S. credibility with Middle East allies.
• "Duck Dynasty" will set another cable viewership record. Miley Cyrus will fade as a cultural phenomenon.
Okay, fortune tellers, squirt some Windex on your crystal balls and lay your forecasts on your fellow Kossacks.