WYFP? is our community's Saturday evening gathering to talk about our problems, empathize with one another, and share advice, pootie pictures, favorite adult beverages, and anything else that we think might help. Everyone and all sorts of troubles are welcome. May we find peace and healing here. Won't you please share the joy of WYFP by recommending?No, not this saga (though I'd even find Bratty Anakin preferable):
Follow me below the Twisted Cheeto for details:
We are still dealing with the Saga Of The Mother-in-Law. Sigh...I hate reruns.
I'm starting this missive on Friday afternoon; Mr. Scribe went over earlier today to pack up her things and transport them to a skilled nursing facility that had a private room available, in the hopes that she'll be settled at last (she was transported by accessible van, so we were off the hook for that). It's a place she's stayed before for rehab/convalescent care in the past, so we sort of knew the score.
Or so we thought.
Turns out the private room is incredibly small -- you know the old jokes, so small you've got to go outside to change your mind? So small that even the mice are hunchbacked? Well, no mice but it's still so small that she has trouble maneuvering around with her wheelchair. They were able to find a small bureau that didn't take up that much space, but it still cuts into the usable area. And the bathroom won't fit the wheeled commode that she uses, so she'll have to use it inside the actual room. We've looked at some board-and-care situations, and the space situation would be similar -- plus, most of them can't give her the care she needs, especially helping her reposition in bed (which is important to keep her from having more pain than she already deals with on a day to day basis).
Plus, she's finally come to a hard decision -- the lack of space combined with her short-term memory issues means she can no longer handle the finances on her own. We already have financial powers of attorney, plus we're signatory on her main checking and savings accounts (his name is on the checks so he can actually write checks on the account if necessary -- or I can write out the check and he can sign it), but there are a lot of IRAs and other investment accounts scattered amongst various financial institutions (my late father-in-law wasn't an "eggs in one basket" kind of guy), and they won't even talk to anyone but my mother-in-law regarding changes and the like. So we're going to have to have a sit-down with her lawyer (nice guy) to get him to draw up some sort of paperwork making things official. And we need to have a sit-down with her main financial planner/CPA to find out what we need to keep track of, but she's out of town for two weeks, coming back for a day or two then back out of town. And when I say "we" it actually means "I" -- my beloved is the most gentle, caring, loving man in the world which he picked up from his father...but what he didn't pick up from his father is a head for numbers; that's my bailiwick.
All this has put a lot of stress on our marriage. I'm hanging in there for now but I'm not sure how much longer I can share my husband with the rest of his family (he also helps out his brother, who has mental health issues as well as some physical disabilities -- mainly takes him grocery shopping plus helps him with other errands when the weather's too wet to take the bus). Sometimes I feel like I'm the lowest priority in the family...and I hate feeling this way. It's also affecting the rest of my health (physical, mental, psychological, etc.), I'm sure. I'm hanging in there...for now, but I hate some of the thoughts that have been running through my brain.
The one thing I have learned from this entire debacle is that this country is woefully unprepared for the greying of America, especially for those with disabilities. And mom-in-law is lucky that she's actually got money, thanks to my late father-in-law's careful management -- if you don't have any assets or other resources, you're screwed. And thanks to global climate change, we're running out of ice floes on which to stick our old folks.
So, that's my WYFP, aka same old stuff, different day.
How's things by you?