While I was somewhat unsure of what the gay persons of America might be doing to the soil, the Dead Milkmen knew years ago. Years and years ago.. And their bold vision for the Republican Party has definitely paid off. When Michigan's NRCC rep made her bold proclamations ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/... ) about invading the living space of the holy spirit.
I learned this because, you know, I'm not like normal Americans. Oh, don't get me wrong. They are fine people. Good, upstanding americans. Content to sit back, watch a little bit of Honey Boo Boo, crack a cool Budweiser and sit on their couch. But let me tell you something.. they don't know what the gays and women are doing to living space in America.
You remember the Wurther kid? I mean, a lot of people thought he was a little slow, but maybe it was just the crack. Let me tell you something. That kid is just mixed up because he keeps getting told about them whack ball theories and now he's all mixed up with Satan, that's what I think.
It all came down to his mother feeding him all that Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Stuart. That's what's wrong with America. She does it because she doesn't know what the gays are doing to the soil.
I first became aware of this when the Winter Olympics kick off this year, they come on TV with all their rides and the tilting and the flipping. You know what I'm talking about Stuart? People kept talking about the gays, Stuart. Just trying to get us on the ride and go along. But I know better. I know that there are plenty of states that do the same thing them Ruskies do, and damnit, why not? ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/... )
But then the games came on. You remember little Bill Jr. from down the street? That bright kid who's a little bit different if you know what I mean? Well, the senators kept warning him: Bad things are going to happen, Billy!
But did Billy Listen? NO! Billy was a DAREDEVIL! Just like his old man! The next thing you know, Billy is dancing around in some parade somewhere yelling LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! Next thing you know, Poor Billy is buying tickets to Disney's Frozen over by the Snow Cone dispenser.
A few days after that, I open up the mail and I get a letter addressed to Bill Jr. It's from Peublo, Colorado and it says: DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOOD LUCK CHARLIE IS DOING TO THE SOIL?
Let me tell you about this Stuart. Take any large US city with an underground Homosexual population. Des Moines Iowa, perfect example. ( http://www.iowasgayweddingplanner.com/... ) They government gives all these reasons why you can't grow crops there.
But I know the real reason, Stuart. It's because of the Gays and the UN Stuart. They are coming for you. To build walking paths all through your city. Against your will. http://www.kansas.com/...
You know what. I like you. You're not like the other people, here.
Please, take my hand out. I'm running for the Tea Party Nomination this fall. Keep me in mind when you vote.