Michael Matthew Bloomer, February 13, 2014.
Responding to a tsunami of complaints about toileting difficulties in Sochi, the Olympics Committee, after consulting with the Sochi Chamber of Commerce Directorate and the Russian government issued official guidelines that now govern all toilet-related activities for the remainder of the Olympics competition. The Sochi spokeswoman explained,
“This directive of 13 February 2014 will make the toilet to use in Sochi more almost normal. This rule will simple and make regular the toilet hole in each of Sochi rooms of for to deposit excretings, like the restaurant, the hotel, the brothel, the holding cell, the under the bridges, and the many like.
Olympics visitor and the combating athlete is strictly to follow the posted rule when to toilet you do. Includes Americans. Finally, this order does not to the homosexual types who have sneaked among Olympic site have the application. This is why because we for them do not provide the toileting opportunity, but wish for them the good control the bladder and the colon.
The failing you to behave in correct ways on toilet will cause to some uncomforting country be shipped to in cargo room. We want you enjoy now to happy toilet at the Winter Olympics!”
Here is the new placard now installed in all restrooms and
en plain air throughout the Olympic region:
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I spent the 24 years between Reagan and Bush II on Capitol Hill frozen in nonpartisan legislative and policy hokum at
Congressional Research Service, an agency in the belly of Congress's across-the-street library, the aptly named
Library of Congress. Now retired, I'm free to be as left-wing as I like, to borrow my neighbors' lawn mowers, and to wear a me-sized shape into the sofa. I'm a contributing but totally unpaid writer for
Nation of Change, where I'm allowed to shoot my mouth off as I like. I have a book in the works, but expect it to be published, if at all, posthumously.