I usually don't read Cal Thomas, a leading conservative columnist. Even though according to the Chicago Tribune he is "America's number one nationally syndicated political columnist". They couldn't post it if it wasn't true.
But when I saw from the title that the subject of his latest column was retiring Representative Michelle Bachmann, well I had to look. It's like a pile-up at a NASCAR race. You're obligated to look, heck you're almost not human if you don't.
So curiosity piqued I waded into the column. And I came away with a totally different picture of Mr. Thomas. It turns out Cal Thomas may just be his generation's greatest political comic. Follow me below for further explanation.
The humor began ever so subtly. He started off by noting that Rep. Bachmann has less than a year to go in her final term. Too early for an exit interview, but never too early to get the views of Ms. Bachmann on the issues of the day, including "how to beat Hillary Clinton in 2016". And he delivered that with a straight face! Pure comic genius right there. Because who else do you turn to for deep political thoughts or winning "strategery" than the founder of the John Wayne Gacy Fan Club? Or the woman who relies on scientific advice from some woman who comes up to her at an event?
But wait Cal wasn't done. He asked her if she was disappointed the conservative cause has not gotten further during her time in Washington. Her response was that the conservative agenda requires voters electing people with "a biblical world view". Now some people might get the joke right there, but Cal missed an opportunity with this one. It required some more setup, some mention of how Rep. Bachmann and others are all up in arms about Muslims and Sharia Law. Then hit them with the biblical world view quote. Sometimes Cal you do need to hit the audience between the eyes with a 2 by 4.
Cal quickly redeemed himself however when the topic turned to getting Ms. Bachmann's advice on how a presumptive male Republican nominee goes about beating Hillary Clinton in 2016. And of course you already know what's coming next, but that doesn't make it any less hilarious. Or should I say "Hillary-ous"? Two words: "Benghazi" and "Obamacare". Pow! Bam! Sure you see it coming but it still leaves you rolling on the floor laughing your you know what off.
And again Cal was the master of restraint, transcribing these lines from Bachmann like they were to be taken seriously. Comic gold.
First up in the one-two punch Bachmann advises for taking out Hillary:
"Remind people (Clinton) is seeking to become commander in chief (and look at) how she has operated in the past with these types of responsibilities. She was in charge during the Benghazi debacle."
Yes. Yes. Benghazi. It really took Obama out in 2012.
But wait, catch your breath for the second in the combination from the dear departing Representative:
She says to label Hillary as the "the godmother of Obamacare", who worked "behind closed doors" to enact a similar program when her husband was president.
That one is the absolute best right there. How Cal kept from laughing out loud in Michelle's face and wrote it in his column as if it was something worthy of serious consideration is beyond me. I mean sure, what is now Obamacare was devised by the conservative Heritage Foundation as the market based answer to what the Clintons had proposed for health care reform. And sure, what is now Obamacare was pushed for a while by Senate Republicans at the time, again as the market based solution to counter the Clinton plan. But make believe that the Clinton plan was like Obamacare and pin it on her? Fantastic! And Cal plays along like this is a great strategy! Hell he was probably entertaining himself with "godmother" impersonations all the way back to his office! "Hey, this is your Godmotha, I'm giving youse some health care you can't refuse!"
But wait, Bachmann is still not finished. Cal sets her up beautifully at this point. Despite the obvious and proven appeal of the twin Benghazi-Obamacare attacks, how, he asks Ms. Bachmann, does the GOP candidate overcome the "lure" some voters might feel to elect our first female president?
Don't you worry, Michelle's answer does not disappoint.
"Effectively she would be Obama's third and fourth term in office."
That one still cracks me up every time I read it. Yes, you can overcome the "female" angle by hanging Obama around Hillary's neck. You know with Benghazi and Obamacare. Because those issues weren't tried before. And that's where Cal Thomas has shown himself to be a true artist. Surely he knows the joke is that the GOP tried Benghazi and Obamacare as two of their main issues in 2012. Heck they flogged them to death. How many times did Mitt Romney promise he was going to repeal Obamacare, "day one"? Presumably by executive order. And we all know how he tried to make Benghazi a center piece of the presidential debates. And he lost in 2012 by something like 5 million votes to Obama.
But Cal just keeps feeding Bachmann the rope and plays the straight man while she hangs herself by seriously proposing that Benghazi and Obamacare are the keys to beating Hillary in 2016. I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes.
Just in case your ribs weren't already sore from all the laughing, Cal delivers another punch line stating that those issues and the prospect of Hillary being a continuation of Obama "might scare enough people to vote for the Republican nominee". Just like they did in 2012. I get the joke,Cal, I get it! My sides hurt, please stop!
And as a final gift, Cal shares one more Bachmann gem concerning the possibility of the first female president. She believes "a lot of people 'aren't ready' for a female president". You didn't even have to say it Cal. We know what you were thinking. We can insert our own joke here.
I'll have to begin checking out his columns more often. It's always good to start your day with a good belly laugh - or several.
Originally posted on Views On Brews