Last night, Jason Jones had a segment from Russia showing how they're implementing the dream world of American right-wingers. No separation of a Christian church and state? Got it! Gay-bashing? Check!
After the liberal policies of the last six years, American conservatives have ended up with one simple conclusion.Video below the fold.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL: Right now, the United States of America's headed in the wrong direction.But I may have found a conservative paradise in the most unexpected place — Mother Russia. In the old days, conservatives would yell at liberal commies, "Go back to Russia!" Well now it seems the Red Scare has become the ultimate Red State. Economic policy:
MITT ROMNEY: We know that something is wrong, terribly wrong with the direction fo the country.
REP. ERIC CANTOR, R-VA: We need to cut the budget.What do they do in Russia?
REP. MICHELE BACHMANN, R-MN: We need to reign in the spending.
REP. RON DeSANTIS, R-FL: We need to move to a fair or flat tax.
VYACHESLAV NIKONOV, RUSSIAN STATE DUMA DEPUTY: We have tight budget, we have no budget deficit.And the low taxes and lack of regulation have created the trickliest-down economy in the world.
JASON JONES: What's your tax situation here?
VYACHESLAV NIKONOV, RUSSIAN STATE DUMA DEPUTY: 13% flat.
JASON JONES: 13?
VYACHESLAV NIKONOV, RUSSIAN STATE DUMA DEPUTY: Yep.
But what about immigration?BRYAN FISCHER, AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION: We have got to raise questions about whether we can afford to allow Muslims to immigrate into the United States at all.JASON JONES: What's your feeling on immigration?Holy shit, this place is awesome! In just 25 years, they've figured out the free market and institutionalized xenophobia! But would this antiquated bullshit feel at home?
VYACHESLAV NIKONOV, RUSSIAN STATE DUMA DEPUTY: We need immigrants because this is cheap labor, but Christian immigration is of course preferred to Muslim.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: The nuns have gone Feminazi on everybody!Of course he would.
SERGEY MARKOV: Because we already had powerful feminists in the Soviet time. Very strong. In the Soviet Parliament, half of them men, half of them women. For sure.Oh my God, are there any liberals in this place?
JASON JONES: Nothing wrong with that.
SERGEY MARKOV: It's maybe not wrong, but people a bit tired from this feminist power.
JASON JONES: Who's tired of that feminist power? Men?
SERGEY MARKOV: Women too.
ALEXEI NAVALNY, ANTI-CORRUPTION FOUNDATION: Here they call me a dirty liberal.Meet , Russia's most powerful liberal. OK, give me your best left-wing take on guns.
ALEXEI NAVALNY, ANTI-CORRUPTION FOUNDATION: I think we should allow Russian citizens to buy guns. And I was fortunate to have had one during the protests when supporters of the Kremlin came and made trouble. And I used it against them.See conservatives? This place was perfect. Guns, check. Gays, triple-check. But what about the last big G on your agenda?
JASON JONES: You shot someone?
ALEXEI NAVALNY, ANTI-CORRUPTION FOUNDATION: It was self-defense. And I used rubber bullets.
JASON JONES: And you're a liberal.
MITT ROMNEY: Our government must respect religious values. Not silence them.Allow me to introduce Vasily Boiko-Veliky, the costumed mascot for this right-wing wonderland. He's a self-made milk billionaire who took me on a tour of his Moscow headquarters. (church bells ring as they tour the factory) Whoa! He has got his own private church!
RICK SANTORUM: We need to stay true to our values.
TEXAS GOV. RICK PERRY: Those Christian values that this country was based upon.
VASILY BOIKO-VELIKY, RUSSIAN MILK TSAR: We make it mandatory for all our employees to go to Bible study courses. This is what we call additional education.And he helps them by also firing adulterers, anyone who's had sex out of wedlock, and any woman who's had an abortion.
JASON JONES: What if they say to you, (in Jewish accent) "I'm a Jew, I don't want to go to these educational courses anymore?"
(Russian translator starts translating)
JASON JONES: Do the voice.
(Russian translator translates with Jewish accent)
VASILY BOIKO-VELIKY, RUSSIAN MILK TSAR: If employee doesn't want to attend such courses, it is not because of his religion, but because he doesn't want to educate himself. Such employees are usually bad employees, and we have to let them go.
JASON JONES: Sure. No Jesus, no job.
VASILY BOIKO-VELIKY, RUSSIAN MILK TSAR: I want my employees to be saved and find eternal life.
JASON JONES: This is amazing... for Christians.
VASILY BOIKO-VELIKY, RUSSIAN MILK TSAR: It is normal to have a church at your business in Russia.
JASON JONES: That's insane. That's... seriously, it's insane.
But he has the freedom as a job creator to do what he wants, and that's the point. Hell, even conservative Pat Buchanan recently wondered if Putin was "one of us". So conservatives, from now on when I hear thisSEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL: We are losing control of our nation.I'm going to say this.
HOMER SIMPSON: If you don't like it, go to Russia.
BILL O'REILLY: Gay marriage is now legal in many places.HOMER SIMPSON: If you don't like it, go to Russia.SEAN HANNITY: I'm leaving! As soon as I can get out of here, I am out!HOMER SIMPSON: Go to Russia.