Last night I was on the phone with my mom, and she told me a funny story about my nieces, who are both terrified of bugs of all kinds except roly polies. They love roly polies, otherwise known as pill bugs or potato bugs. All kids do, really. Since I don't know if these exist everywhere or only in dry climates, here is a picture:
Anyway, it has been storming around our parts, but the sun came out for a bit yesterday while the girls were outside playing. As anyone who lives in a place that has all four seasons knows, after a heavy rain, worms and nightcrawlers swarm to the concrete. When the rain stops they all go back underground.
Well, some of them do. Again, I don't know how this works in other areas but in this part of the country, after a heavy rain the sidewalks and streets are littered with fried worms. They can't get back to the soil before they dry out and die.
So the girls were outside playing, and there was a worm in their driveway that they decided to save. It was making its way back to the grass, but there wasn't enough time! When they picked it up my mom told them to throw it in the garden.
"All by itself?" They shrieked. "Where is the rest of his family?"
My mom told them she didn't know, and the worm probably didn't care.
The girls thought that was preposterous. They put the worm in the garden, then decided to go find his family. At first, they got four other worms. A mom and dad and a brother and sister. But that wasn't enough. "Wait! What if he has other brothers and sisters?" So they spent a good deal of time finding additional siblings.
The rain started up again and my mom told them to come inside, but they were not happy with their findings. What about the grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles and cousins?
In the end, the girls spent three hours outside hunting for worms, each bringing back a handful after every scouting trip to keep the original worm company. My mother, who doesn't mind bugs that much but HATES worms, opened the door to call the girls inside again and found a huge mound of worms in her garden.
When she told them to come inside, the youngest protested, "But we haven't found his whole family yet!"
My mom told her the worm would be fine, but they were not entirely convinced. They came inside anyway and spent another fifteen minutes staring out the window at the reunited worm family, still worried about all the other displaced worms out there.
Kids are really amazing like that. Yes, they can be cruel, but they're also so innocent that it makes everyone's heart swell when they hear stories like that.
And really, we don't change a whole lot when we grow up, do we? We are incredibly kind to animals, but not always very kind to other humans.
Because I'm a football fan and having withdrawals, lets consider this:
Ben Roethlisberger is controversial in that NFL fans either love him or hate him, but the only people who really care about his rape charges are people who hate the Steelers anyway.
Ray Lewis was charged with murder and has a history of domestic violence, but he's still considered a shoo-in for the Hall of Fame.
Michael Vick, however, is still THE most hated player in the NFL due to his horrific treatment of dogs. No one wants to forgive him for that.
I have no scientific studies to back this up, of course, but based on my observations, as a society we're kinda-sorta okay with violence perpetrated against other humans as long as the person doing the abuse has some sort of perceived value to our lives. But we are NOT okay if that abuse is done to animals.
It's just too inhumane for us to consider that.
Lest you think this is a self-righteous rant, I completely admit that I find myself engaged in the same behavior, especially online.
But over the last few days I'm really struggling with the state of being kind.
Not doing kind things, random acts of kindness, not acting in a kind manner, but being kind as a state of existence. Like, rooting for war is a state of John McCain's being, I want being kind to be the state of MY being.
And see what I just did there? I just dismissed the entire being of another human being as being a warmonger. It's HARD to feel differently.
It's SCARY that it comes so easily.
.
Now, I really don't want to relive the events of the other night, except to say that the kindness and concern showered upon me were humbling and moving. A lot of comments moved me to tears, but this one really stuck with me:
next time someone wants to insult a person here (80+ / 0-)
because of their politics or comments, remember how good they can be when it really matters.
Gondwana has always been at war with Laurasia.
by AaronInSanDiego on Sun Mar 02, 2014 at 10:54:18 AM MST
I thought this was the wisest takeaway from the whole drama. It reminded me not only to be kind, but to think about how I would feel if someone I had just gotten into a flame war with suddenly became ill and didn't live to fight with me another day.
Would making my point be worth it?
Online, making a point and doing it well is pretty much the only thing to do. We want our opinions to be heard, dammit! At least, that's more or less how I roll when online. For most of my years on this planet, I kept my opinions to myself. The internet gave me the courage to say what I wanted to say, and since that's become an everyday part of life, I've grown to be more outspoken IRL, emboldened by the knowledge that I'm not alone. Other people agree with me and I have proof!
But even with all of the kindness and compassion this community showed me, and with that comment fresh in my mind, I was still a jerk a few times last night. I honestly felt like I wasn't. I was measuring my comments in my head, making sure I wouldn't come across as mean or malicious.
But I didn't stop long enough to think about how I would feel if I was on the receiving end of that same comment. I believe I was being objective and that any objective person could clearly see that, but it never occurred to me that there are readers who can't be objective because the comment is pointed in their direction. I know I'm not objective when someone throws an insult, or what I perceive to be an insult, at me. How could I be?
But it's never hurt my feelings to have an insult hurled directly at me online. I've had my feelings hurt over other things, but generally I take insults here with a grain of salt.
Not everyone is like that, though, and this is a hard lesson to sink in for me. I'm kind of arrogant and I can typically turn an insult around on a person rather quickly. But why do I do that? It's not kind.
I've said, and everyone who knows me IRL (and some online) agree, that if you actually manage to piss me off, you deserve everything you have coming to you. It takes a lot to make me angry. In order to do that, one has to consciously decide to make me angry and work on it for days. I'm patient as hell, so I'm going to ignore it.
But if you finally reach your goal, well, game over.
That works in real life. My patience has served me well throughout my life.
And for the most part, it has served me well online.
But sometimes it doesn't.
If someone is trying to make me angry, I never stop to think why they're trying to make me angry, I just ignore it. I can't see their expressions and I don't know them the way I know someone who is needling me the same way IRL. So it's easier for me to just put them in their place right away rather than let them ruin my time online.
I don't want to do that. I want kindness to be a state of my being. I want it to come naturally to me all the time, not just when it serves me well.
I've been trying this and so far it doesn't seem too hard. But I still keep missing one crucial part of this journey: how would I feel if I was on the receiving end of this comment? So maybe it's a lot harder than I think it is.
In conclusion, I'd like to urge you all to be kind and compassionate and to remember that the person you HATE on this site is more than just a screen name. They are a person. A living one with their own turmoil and pain and insecurities. Yes, they may constantly be pissing you off, but are they doing it because you're you, or are they doing it because that's just the type of person that they are?
Most likely, it's the latter, and before you lose your temper and say something you regret, remember that and walk away.
Thus closes my message for the day.
I wish all of you the very, very best. You all deserve it.