Okay, so I was taking my daily hike today and there were these two chicks that I passed and I was going up this steep hill looking all cool, senior citizen jogging up hills and stuff and then I fell on my face and skinned all the flesh off my knee. I was able to find my glasses that fell off and scramble to my feet before they got close enough to see what happened, but then as I limped down the trail I realized that there was some seriously serious pain going on here.
On the way home I got these sharp, shooting pains that made me holler. I couldn't believe it. If you had told me a skinned knee could hurt that bad, I would have said you were nuts.
I went home and did all the stuff my RN wife taught me to do - washed with soap and water, apply antibiotic cream. NO HYDROGEN PEROXIDE, ZEDMONT!! Okay I got that.
It just kept on hurting so bad that every couple of minutes I would yelp like my chihuahua when he gets too close to the cat. So I drank vodka mixed with peppermint schnapps and followed that up with peach brandy and it still hurts but I can't remember the pain too well.
I'm supposed to be on this low carb diet but there's nothing low carb about vodka, peppermint schnapps and peach brandy. I need barbecue bad.