I always miss the beginnings of the best kerfuffles around here, these days. To be honest, I'm okay with that, except that, you know, I've missed my chance for witty retorts, battles that may or may not happen, probably missed out on cussing at Armando at least once, and now it's already going to be in that trajectory of silly diaries with names that play off of everything and try to soothe ruffled feathers.
I'll toy with names, that's cool. I don't especially plan on soothing any feathers, though, partly because it's not actually possible in general to do so. Partly also because frankly, at this point, I think this place tends to just shove a lot of conflict underneath some nice photos of cats -- to be fair, so do more of our families, really, and I like photos of cats. It's important to know that the people you're accusing of being incoherent, purist, sell-outs, bots, haters, brainwashed dupes, other brainwashed dupes, naive, whatever -- important to know that the guy who likes his pie crust made with butter instead of shortening, or the other way around, who is weird and, it that moment, at least, detestable -- still has a cute cat.
Here's what the fuck I wonder, these days: did you all think this shit was going to be straightforward? Do you really think that there are no serious ethical conundrums in political activism? Were you expecting to never get tired of how little things actually change, for all of your effort, and were you expecting to not wind up really goddamned frustrated with the rest of your fellow (choose a side)?
I have not simply "voted for democrats" since I was 18, though my first election did involve voting for them, yes. I was queer as a three dollar bill in a relatively conservative, rural area. I spent the better part of my young adult life working my friggin' tail off, trying to help out the high school GSA that was getting shut down for lack of parental permission slips, trying to keep stuff working on my own campuses. Also started doing animal rescue work before I was 18 -- and wow, if you want some fucking disheartening, go to a goddamned horse auction knowing you can actually afford to choose two and only two. I sheltered queer kids who had fathers that might shoot me, if they had nowhere else to go.
But this story isn't just about meeeee. This story is also about the many friends I have who spent every goddamned weekend of their earlier lives escorting women safely and sanely to and from the local abortion clinic, through masses of protestors shouting things at them. It's about the people who show up at their jobs at the animal shelter every day, and do their best by the animals in front of them, and often find that they can't do as much as they would like. It's about folks in the South who did march and still do work hard to keep polling places open and fair for people of all races, who see what those lines are like, who see how the hanging chads go. It's about librarians who take craptastic and perpetually cut budgets, and still figure out how to provide the best access they can to the people who most lack access. It's about people I will never meet or even hear about, because the bulk of them aren't snazzy, famous people who will ever be elected to anything outside of local offices -- when they get into those local offices, they work their damn asses off.
It's about fighting the tide, and sometimes getting smacked by a hell of a wave, and still showing up.
Not because you personally will likely ever see the great, grand outcome that makes it all better, that rids us of any of the ethical dilemmas of any of it -- and there are some!
But because the only way forward is to keep showing up, and to hope that several generations from now, we at least prevented the most catastrophe we could, and at best have consistently handed off a better set of tools, a better situation, better ground from which to fight.
This is tooth and claw. This is constant hard choices, sometimes, and bitter arguments over the right way to go in any given complex situation. Frankly, the words "I hate my side right now" have come out of my mouth more times in the last few years than I will really comment on here and now. This is saving two skin-and-bones horses, which is more than zero, and it is also about working toward fewer to save.
You have a responsibility, in whatever capacity you can, to show up. No, I'm not going to make a friendlier, more positive statement out of that. You live in this world. You require its resources. You are gifted with a capacity for empathy, understanding, and hard work.