After corporations got free speech rights with Citizens United, they're now on their way to getting freedom of religion. With the "Hobby Lobby" case before the Supreme Court, the contraception mandate in the Affordable Care Act may fall and corporations may get the freedom to worship. Corporations are rapidly becoming real, live humans!
The case before the Supreme Court is about a couple of for-profit corporations wanting to foist their religious views on their employees. This is not about an individual human wanting to practice their religion as they see fit, this is about an inanimate corporation wanting to impose specific morals on employees. If corporations get religion, just think of the things they could do with it!
Why stop with your run-of-the-mill religions that don't like birth control? Let's dive back into the days of the Aztecs. What if a corporation worshipped like the Aztecs and demanded human sacrifice? (Okay, more than they already do demand sacrifice of humans.) I can't see how this argument will stand up to legal challenge but it's looking like it may do just that. Enjoy the cartoon, and leave other suggestions for corporate religions in the comments!
[soothing, confident corporate female voice]
First, corporations won the right of Free Speech.
Now, corporations may win the right of . . . Religious Freedom!
See, it's not about the Affordable Care Act and whether or not you think your employees should have access to contraceptives, it's about . . .
Religious Liberty for Corporations!
With the right ruling, corporations of America can practice the faith of their choosing!
At last, American Meatpacking Incorporated can regularly sacrifice its workers in celebration of the corporation's Maya faith!
The Sumerian Development Corporation can reach for the heavens with its new ziggaurat-condominium-temple.
Goodbye, height and engineering restrictions, hel-lo, religious freedom in the sky!
BankCorp, Inc. can now revel in it's newfound religious liberty.
They're not dodging taxes anymore, they're practicing their New-Mammonist faith!
Who says you can't worship money?
At American Engine Manufacturing, there's no need for a product recall after thousands of fiery explosions . . .
. . . that's just practicing the good ol' Aztec faith! (Gotta' get those numbers up to guarantee a good harvest!)
Heh-and if you're a woman who wants to climb the corporate ladder at MegaTron Tech, you may want to think twice before you infringe on the corporation's Biblical beliefs!
From Athena to Zoro-aster, Muhammad to Menhit-- finally, corporations of America can shed the earthly shackles of law, and follow the divine God (or gods!) of their choosing!
A-men to that!