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What a dud. What a fizzle. What a nothing. Maybe 250 max of your billions and billions.

Here's a tip: stop overselling. Tens of thousands of big rigs will choke the Beltway. Glenn Beck will draw more than Woodstock.

And, today, 10-30 million? Why do you do this to yourselves?

Here's a hint for you. Read Mark Leyner's February, 1998 column in Esquire entitled "The One Man March." It's not online in the magazine's archives, so I hope your patriotic tax-cutting hasn't closed your local library yet.

Just in case, let me give you a synopsis. Leyner, one of the great satirists of our time, was musing on Louis Farrakhan's 1995 Million Man March and thinking he'd like to do something similar. Wishing to avoid the criticism Farrakhan got when his numbers failed to reach exactly a million, Leyner decided his march would be The One Man March.

I forget what his cause was (other than getting material for the month's column), but the story was pretty funny, especially the part where Leyner had to keep running away from the guy who thought the idea was cool and wanted to march with him. "You're missing the point!"

Anyway, with just one fellow insisting on accompanying him, Leyner was able to boast double his announced expected turnout.

Maybe you should consider that story when writing future press releases.

Just a thought.

All the best,


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