Every once in a while it is necessary to look back and evaluate your own position, and reflect on the mistakes you made in your writing. I believe that now is one of those times.
Last Friday, I wrote a diary entitled Comments by Men Only Please in the passion of a moment. I wrote the diary with the best of intentions: I saw diaries by some very courageous kossacks who told their stories about their experience with rape culture in the United States. I saw tons of negative comments being tossed this way and that way in these eye opening and extremely painful diaries and felt that that kind of comment was inappropriate in the context of the diary. I wanted to pull some of the debate and, consequently, negative energy from those diaries and provide a space for these necessary side debates to go on.
But, the best of intentions can often lead to places one did not intend. In my dismay at these comments, I wrote an extremely binary diary, which, in the end, created more heat than it ever did light. I came to find out a little later just how wrong the framing of that diary was. Just 24 hours later, I found myself completely aghast at someone I would otherwise generally be in agreement with, who excoriated a rape survivor in a comment chain that lasted about 150 comments or so. As I read this comment thread in horror, I realized the mistake I had made.
This issue is extremely complex, multi-faceted, and, often, circumstances transcend the "you are with us or against us" mentality. That mentality is never useful, especially when dealing with issues where the line between ideological "ally" and ideological "foe" is blurred. By making this issue a binary, black and white, you are with us or against us type of issue, I polarized everyone involved, and perhaps deepened the divide here, instead of bringing all people together. For that, I apologize.
To be clear, I stick by the general principles I expressed in that diary. I absolutely believe that men, collectively, are responsible for the permissive context in which anti-woman ideologies could grow, and as such, we are responsible for speaking up to our male peers who spew either direct or subtle misogyny. On the other hand, I also think that there are times that otherwise good men should listen to women and defer to their experiences with patriarchal society in the United States. But I over-simplified a complicated issue in my search to channel negative energy away from stories that needed to be heard and needn't be bogged down by the weight of thousands of comments about how not all men are responsible for rape culture.
Everyone makes mistakes, myself included. The way in which I framed my diary ultimately lead to its failure as a piece of writing. Writing things in the heat of the moment, without careful framing, can lead to a lot of heat and not much light being generated in the subsequent comments. I had a chance to add something to the discourse, and I blew it. Luckily, being the intelligent lefties I have come to know and love, plenty of kossacks have added their careful, considerate voices to the debate. I will, as always, try harder to write diaries that are more thoughtful, better considered, and more courteous in the future, and I will try not to get swept up in the heat of the debate.
Oh, and props to the Courtesy Kos members who nudged me in the direction of correcting my error in judgement.
Thanks for listening.