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I would like to begin by stating that it is the official doctrine of the Catholic Church that priests and bishops are really special people with superpowers and that schlubs like you can't get to heaven without them.

Now, onto the subject of this diary:

St. Louis Archbishop Carlson claims to be uncertain if he knew sexual abuse was a crime

Archbishop Robert J. Carlson claimed to be uncertain that he knew sexual abuse of a child by a priest constituted a crime when he was auxiliary bishop in the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, according to a deposition released Monday.

During the deposition taken last month, attorney Jeff Anderson asked Carlson whether he knew it was a crime for an adult to engage in sex with a child.

“I’m not sure whether I knew it was a crime or not,” Carlson replied. “I understand today it’s a crime.”

Anderson went on to ask Carlson whether he knew in 1984, when he was an auxiliary bishop in the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, that it was crime for a priest to engage in sex with a child.

“I’m not sure if I did or didn’t,” Carlson said.

OK, so I know he's lying, you know he's lying, and he knows he's lying. Now the whole world knows he's lying as well:
Yet according to documents released Monday by the law firm Jeff Anderson & Associates in St. Paul, Carlson showed clear knowledge that sexual abuse was a crime when discussing incidents with church officials during his time in Minnesota.

In a 1984 document, for example, Carlson wrote to the then archbishop of St. Paul and Minneapolis, John R. Roach, about one victim of sexual abuse and mentioned that the statute of limitations for filing a claim would not expire for more than two years. He also wrote that the parents of the victim were considering reporting the incident to the police.

Why would he lie?

Well, high church officials get really nice retirements. Here's one in Italy that is getting not just a penthouse in Rome but also a staff of nuns to look after him.

One lucky tenant in Rome, however, can boast stunning views, a private balcony and a not-too-shabby 4,000 square feet of room at his new penthouse apartment.

And who is this fortunate fellow you ask? Only Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, formerly secretary of state at the Vatican.

According to Italian newspaper La Repubblica, Bertone has authorised the merging of two existing flats to create a single, four-storey complex which he will share with three nuns employed in domestic servitude.

And of course if you can make it to the very top of the greasy pole, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that despite the fact you traveled with, supported, promoted, and publicly feted a heinous child molester whose crime included raping his own children, the popes who come after you - even the "really great, breath of fresh air" ones, will fast-track your canonization. As Pope Francis did this year when he finalized the elevation of John Paul II, who now holds the record for the fastest saint to be canonized in the history of the Catholic Church.

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