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Last night, Stephen Colbert looked at how the GOP can try to appeal to Latinos.

BOB SCHIEFFER (6/11/2014): If the Republican Party is going to be successful in electing a presidential candidate in 2016, they're going to have to find a way to appeal to Hispanic voters.
OK, what about a presidential ticket with Hispanic appeal? Like Ted Cruz ... and somebody appealing. (audience laughter and applause) Um, I don't know. We'll work on it, we'll work on it.

....

Hispanics are just the latest immigrant group to become white. I mean, these days, many people even consider Italians to be white. (Bribed By Unlimitd Breadsticks)

....

Of course, when you get down to it, Republicans don't struggle only with ethnic minorities. They also struggle with gender majorities. Like in 2012, when 55% of women voted for Obama. So ladies, you are welcome to join us too. All you have to do is identify as male, which, of course, is the white of genders. (Plus, 23% Raise) (audience laughter)

And once everyone starts seeing themselves as white males, conservatives can appeal to them by pointing out that they are under attack from the people they used to be. They'll know which side their bread is buttered on. (Formerly, Tortilla Salsa-ed On)

Video and full transcript below the fold.


One week ago today, House Majority Leader and Lens Crafters model understudy Eric Cantor lost his primary race to an unknown Tea Partier, David Brat.  Now that Cantor's out as Majority Leader, conservatives have already started the race to replace him.

My prediction for that race?  White.  (audience laughter)  But folks, Cantor's downfall highlights a problem for the RNC.

ANDREA TANTAROS (6/12/2014): His support for immigration reform is the key reason behind his defeat.

LAURA INGRAHAM (6/15/2014): Voters understood that if Eric Cantor went back to Washington, that was a green light for immigration reform.

STUART VARNEY (6/11/2014): Eric Cantor was accused of rushing towards a reform program that his opponent labeled amnesty.

Yes, he supported amnesty.  You mess with the bull, you get the horns.  And I want to be clear, that's a rodeo bull metaphor, not a bullfighting metaphor.  I want to keep my job.

But sadly, it turns out a lot of the "matadors" have been voting.

MICHELLE BERNARD (5/30/2014): You have Hispanics voting by larger and larger numbers.

BOB SCHIEFFER (6/11/2014): If the Republican Party is going to be successful in electing a presidential candidate in 2016, they're going to have to find a way to appeal to Hispanic voters.

OK, what about a presidential ticket with Hispanic appeal?  Like Ted Cruz... and somebody appealing.

(audience laughter and applause)

Um, I don't know.  We'll work on it, we'll work on it.

Now fortunately, folks, there is a way for the Grand Old Party to win over Hispanics without becoming un grande el pollo, and it's the subject of tonight's Wørd: A Darker Shade Of Pale.

Republican candidates may not poll well with Hispanics, but there is one group who has always given them support.  (The Koch Brothers)  And that group is white guys.  In fact, in 2012, 62% of white men voted for Mitt Romney.

Those kind of numbers should have led to an awkward regrettable victory dance.  (a.k.a. The "Wedding Uncle")  But there is some good news for the GOP.  (MSNBC Ratings?)  It turns out that a study by the Pew Research Center of the last U.S. Census analyzed the responses to two key questions.  One, are you of Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?  And two, what is your race?

(audience laughter)

Now those two questions might seem really similar, so the answers are kind of tricky.  (Cheat Off Asian Kid)  So when the Pew people studied the answers, they noticed something interesting.  2.5 million Americans who identified themselves as Hispanic and "some other race" in 2000, ten years later, identified themselves as Hispanic and white.

Meaning Hispanics are voluntarily becoming white.  (audience laughter)  They're saying adios to Cinco de Mayo, and hello, Cinco de mayo.  (Going To Hellmann's In A Handbasket)

And ladies and gentlemen, I do not blame Hispanics for becoming white.  (Blames Them For Everything Else)  (audience laughter)

You see, white people get to live in the best neighborhoods, get the best jobs, appropriate the best music.  (Then, Smoooth It Out!)  And I believe this proves that being white is a choice, one I make every day.  It shows in the way I dress, the way I dance, the way I own a boat.  (Thank You, CBS)  (audience laughter and applause)

So, I believe I speak for all white people when I say, welcome, trans-Caucasians.  (audience laughter)  I, myself, am cis-white.  I've always been comfortable with my birth race.  But there is room for all of you in the white community.  (If You Can Get Past The Gate)  (audience laughter)

And here's the thing.  You are not alone.  Hispanics are just the latest immigrant group to become white.  I mean, these days, many people even consider Italians to be white.  (Bribed By Unlimitd Breadsticks)  (audience laughter)

But I believe as a nation, we cannot stop at Hispanics.  The GOP is a tent big enough for anyone willing to call themselves white — Asians, Indians, blacks, whatever Bruno Mars is.  (Martian?)  (audience laughter and applause)

Of course, when you get down to it, Republicans don't struggle only with ethnic minorities.  They also struggle with gender majorities.  Like in 2012, when 55% of women voted for Obama.

So ladies, you are welcome to join us too.  All you have to do is identify as male, which, of course, is the white of genders.  (Plus, 23% Raise)  (audience laughter)

And once everyone starts seeing themselves as white males, conservatives can appeal to them by pointing out that they are under attack from the people they used to be.  They'll know which side their bread is buttered on.  (Formerly, Tortilla Salsa-ed On)  (audience laughter)

So please, join us, Hispanics, 'cause once everyone is white, there won't be anything to fight over.  (Other Than Dave Matthews Tickets)

And that's the Wørd.  We'll be right back.

Stephen opened the show celebrating the U.S. victory over Ghana in the World Cup.

He then looked at the growing support for same-sex marriage in the U.S.

Meanwhile, Jon looked at how incredibly anti-gay the Texas Republican Party is with their endorsement of gay conversion therapy.

He then looked at the latest douchebaggery from Donald Trump.

Stephen talked with Prop. 8 lawyers David Boies and Ted Olson, and Jon talked with Koch brothers profiler Daniel Schulman.

Originally posted to Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group on Wed Jun 18, 2014 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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