Rep. Vance McAllister is rethinking his retirement.It did seem curious that McAdultery here bowed out so quickly merely for being caught on camera doing the exact opposite of what a family-values Jesus-preachin' Republican is supposed to do. It's not the 1990s, when a Newt Gingrich can get caught cheating on his wife and be forced to Go Away for a while. It's the 2010s, when as a Republican congressman you can do anything and get away with it. Shed a few tears, say you've rediscovered Jesus, done. If it worked for your fellow Louisianan even after he was discovered to be frequenting prostitutes, buddy, you have got nothing to worry about.
The Louisiana Republican, who announced earlier this year he would not seek reelection after being caught on camera kissing a staffer, said he expects to make a decision about running for another term in the coming weeks. [...]
“There is overwhelming support asking me to reconsider [and] it’s up to the people to decide,” he said.
Well, he's got one thing to worry about: if he decides to re-enter the race to replace, er, himself, he'll be going up against fellow Republican Zack Dasher, whose primary claim to fame is being related to Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson. And since Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson and crew are releasing their own Duck Dynasty annotated Bible this year, I shitteth thou not, McAllister isn't going to get that Flawed Messenger For Jesus vote locked up without a fight.
At this point, readers, I feel like I owe you an apology. I know there's probably some serious message to be had here, other than "no, not even banging a staffer will do much to sully your brand in the party constantly preaching about family values and how uppity women, minorities and gay people are all working to destroy the sanctity of Biblical husband-wife-mistress(es) marriage", etc., but the only message I've been able to take away from Louisiana politics for years now is that Louisiana is so gawdawful at representative democracy that maybe they should just take a break for a decade or so. Just give it a rest; have the state be governed by a nice lamp or a chicken that's been trained to press buttons to vote for things. I know it'd be an unpopular solution, but I don't think the decision making would be much worse and at least the lamp would probably get through its term without humiliating itself.