Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter's
latest column on soccermania shows she may have found inspiration from George Carlin.
Ann Coulter thinks America's morals are on the decline.
Because of soccer.
"I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay. -- Ann Coulter
Seriously, Ann? Actually, no, because Coulter's columns have never been anything to take seriously. Even conservatives laugh at her.
But it's later in the column that the real purpose of the column emerges.
"Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level." -- Ann Coulter
Didn't George Carlin say something like that?
George Carlin
"Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case." -- George Carlin.
Ann complains about scoring in soccer.
"In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called 'soccer moms,' not 'football moms.'" -- Ann Coulter
And so does Carlin.
"Sports fans in America love to talk about scores. What was the score? Did we score? How did we score? I like it when we score! But when we talk about soccer, one of our complaints is that there isn't enough scoring. 'Hey Joe, watch the World Cup last night? Yeah, I tried, but they only scored twice. There's not enough scoring.'
"It's like listening to teenage boys talk about their Saturday night date. 'Did you score? Yeah. I scored. Did you score? Of course I scored, you think I wouldn't score? I bet I scored more than you.'" -- George Carlin.
No one will ever be as funny as Carlin was. But Ann, you're getting awfully close.