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    What I write here is to be understood as political satire.  The problem is that white, male, republicans (otherwise known as re-pubic-hairs) are NOT engaging in political satire.   They are actively engaged in the regulation of uteruses and ovaries as well as vaginas and cervixes.  So, here goes.

     Clearly, the ONLY cause of unwanted pregnancies in the United States of America is the unregulated use of male penises.  In fact, the use of penises in sexual intercourse is the ONLY means of becoming pregnant without knowledge or desire to do so on the part of women.
     Since the unregulated use of male penises is clearly THE cause of and necessitates the use of female contraceptives and abortions, I propose new legislation.  In fact, enacting this proposed legislation is the best way to end all use of female contraception and abortions.  For details, please see below the fold.

    Penis Regulation should include the following points of enforcement:

1. No penis should ever be removed from underwear, pants, swimsuits or unsheathed in any way shape or form without a signed and sealed certificate of permission for that specific action issued by Unwanted Pregnancy Protection from Penises and Yobs Organization Upholding Reproductive Rights, Responsibility and Safety otherwise known as UPPPYOURRRS.

2.  UPPPYOURRRS Regulating Agents (UPPPYOURRRS RA) will be present in men's restrooms, medical facilities and regional Permission to have Sex (PS) precincts.

3.  Therefore, no heterosexual male will have the right to urinate, masturbate, engage in sex or in any form of sex act (i.e. fellacio) without expressly approved, regulated permission given in a signed and sealed certificate from an UPPPYOURRRS RA.

4.  Permission to urinate will be obtained from those UPPPYOURRRS RAs assigned to Men's Restrooms.

5.  Permission to masturbate may be obtained either by those UPPPYOURRRS RAs assigned to medical facilities and/or PS precincts.

6. Permission to have sex with A woman will only be granted at PS presincts and must be obtained  through an application submitted by the male in question 7 days before the expected act of the unsheathing of the penis.  Emergency permission for a male to unsheath may be sought by the female partner of said male, however the female partner must be at least 18 years of age and compos mentus.  Said female may also demand the use of a male condom for any sexual unsheathing act and such use will be enforced by an UPPPYOURRRS RA.

7.  Failure to obtain this signed and sealed certificate of permission for the unsheathing of a heterosexual male penis will result in:

     1st offense--UPPPYOURRRS anti-misogyny training 2x a week, 2 hour sessions for 6 weeks.  If any training session is missed, or if unsheathing occurs a 2nd time without signed, sealed, certified permission being issued, the 2nd offense punishment will be applied.

    2nd offense--UPPPYOURRRS anti-misogyny camp for a term of ten weeks, 70 consecutive 24/7 days, attendance at an UPPPYOURRRS support group for recovering misogynists 2x weekly for life.  If the male in question leaves anti-misogyny camp prior to completion of the 70 consecutive days, misses any support group meeting, or unsheaths their penis without signed, sealed and certified permission, said male will receive the punishment for 3rd offenses.

     3rd offense--UPPPYOURRRS will assign a special UPPPYOURRRS RA to said male.  Said male will be forced to undergo one of three possible treatements to be determined by the women in said male's life, including spouse or partner, women who have been subjected to said male's unauthorized penis unsheathing, or women who have been vcitimized by said male's abuse of power through any act of sexual harrassment as determined by a tribunal of UPPPYOURRRS RAs.  The women will have a choice of three possible actions to be enforced upon said males in violation of a 3rd offense punishiment.

         Option or Choice 1: Chemical castration through the administration of depo provera along with mandatory lifetime attendance at an UPPPYOURRRS recovering misogynist support group 2x weekly.

         Option or Choice 2: Undergo a vasectomy, mandatory lifetime attendance at an UPPPYOURRRS recovering misogynist support group 3x weekly and mandatory attendance at an annual 2 week anti-misogyny camp.

          Option or Choice 3: Physical castration, mandatory lifetime attendance at an UPPPYOURRRS recoving misogynist support group 5x weekly and mandatory annual attendance at anti-misogynist camp for 70 days on an outpatient basis, meaning said male may work during the day but must must spend nights at the camp for the entire 70 days.  

Penises attached to males found guilty of 1 or more counts of rape, child molestation, or failure to fulfill the requirements of options/choices will be imprisoned for life without possibility of parole.  

Any male found guilty of falsely identifying themselves as gay and caught unsheathing their penis to engage in a sexual act with a woman will be subject to all of the above rules and regulations of this legislation.

Finally, I want to remind you that this diary entry is political satire, but passing laws requiring women to have invasive vaginal ultrasounds, 2nd and 3rd counseling sessions regarding abortion and removing the ability for women to obtain the types of contraceptives they want when they need and/or want them is not satire but examples of the many ways white, male, Republicans have been waging war on women for years, with accelerated efforts occurring in the last 24 to 36 months.

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