... to let you know that we, well not us personally, actually one or more of our bombs, missiles and/or shells, each of which proudly bears the US Government Seal of Approval, will be dropping in in the next few minutes for periodic maintenance.
We also hereby inform you that by making this call we absolve ourselves completely of any responsibility for any 'unforeseen consequences' such as, but not limited to, dead or wounded children, and/or buildings which collapse on the neighbors of those we provide our periodic maintenance service to, and/or the interruption, by death, of football match viewing on the beach.
If you have any complaints, and if you survive, you can try to get someone to listen to you, but by answering this call you have automatically given us permission to label you, your wife or husband, your children, your relatives, and your neighbors 'Hamas terrorists we are only trying to protect ourselves from'.
If you have received this call 'in error' and are not actually on our periodic maintenance list, today, we are not responsible for any emotional distress such as fear, panic, alarm, or intimidation which you, your wife or husband, your children, your relatives, or your neighbors may incomprehensibly experience as a result of calls placed by our very considerate periodic maintenance notification service.
All of us at the IDF Gaza Periodic Maintenance Notification Service would like to thank you for your attention and your time, even though you will probably be running out of it, if you haven't run far enough away from your home yet, in 5, 4, 3, ...
To see another kind of 'snark' from the IDF:
“This sort of maintenance needs to be carried out from time to time, perhaps even more often,” Yoav Galant, a former commander of Israel’s southern district, including the area around Gaza, told Army Radio.
What happens before the Israeli military bombs your house? For many Gaza Strip residents, it's a phone call. Sawsan Kawarea, a resident of Khan Younis, said she was in the house Tuesday when the phone rang. She answered, and on the other side was “David," who claimed he was with the Israeli military.
“He asked for me by name. He said: ‘You have women and children in the house. Get out. You have five minutes before the rockets come,’?” Kawarea said in an interview with The Post's William Booth.