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it feels like ages since ive been on here, it occured to me just now while i was bored and off duty that i might want to check up on Daily Kos after all these months, almost a year since i checked! oh the shame!

in other news i might as well give an update to those who might be interested, otherwise im just cataloging things i find significant. maybe it'll help clear my head. i apologize in advance for any terrible grammar/spelling/punctuation but i just dont have the energy or the patience for it tonight.

its been quite a trip. some days i love work some days im more than willing to jump off the boat, literally. work is rough, busy, very laborous and my coworkers (like the sailors they are) tend to get a little disagreeable at times. most times i can handle the pressure and busy schedule and worries, sometimes it throws me for a short loop and i want to spend the next week in my bed ignoring everyone. i realize that these mountains and valleys of emotion with no cause arent exactly normal cycles of emotion per say but i do my best to stay level headed, all we can do is our best right?

im usually a cheery person, my mother used to call it a 'sunny disposition' when i was younger. i like being that way, nobody enjoys being upset or angry, at least nobody i know. but eventually days come by when it even takes too much energy to fake a smile (i snap out of it eventually, just takes some time to smooth over) and consequently people notice the difference from my usual cheeriness to a zombie version of me sulking around work with a blank face.

at the moment i seem to be in a slow upswing of things, trying to recover from the last few weeks of wanting nothing more than to fade in to the wall paint, melt into my mattress like i never existed at all. things seem to be looking better if for no reason at all. nothing has really changed but my coworkers are funny again and i seem to smile involuntarily a bit more each day. [for those who dont know i live at work 9 months out of the year so my coworkers are always there, they are my friends and family most of the time] even the tough things to be done at work dont seem so terrible. im still not a morning person but hey, nobody's perfect and 18 years of being a night owl kinda sets the tone already.

in short, its been a long way since i last posted, since then its been boot camp, transferring, moving to a whole new state. lil' ol' me has always lived in Texas and now im all the way in sunny California. boy was that a freaky change, there were so many mountains! but anyways. im currently on my second deployment and attempting to take charge of a new adult life ive been given. i have my ups and downs but nothing catastrophic so far. sorry i didnt have anything world changing to say, i just needed to vent a little. i cant thank this site enough for just the opportunity to read and express and share. ill be back soon i hope. thanks for listening!

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