A story to warm the heart of true conservatives. Or not.
Today's filling-in-for-Markos nutpick source material is from FoxNews.com, but I need to explain: While I knew cribbing from a Breitbart or a World Net Daily would have been easy as nutpicking pie, for some value of pie, I was hoping this week to handicap our effort a bit with a sample of "mainstream," i.e., a more suit-and-tie version of conservative internet thoughts. What are
real Americans conservatives thinking, the lifelong, salt-of-the-earth, die-hard conservatives who would go to a more explicitly self-styled "mainstream" news source like, oh say, Fox News?
You see where this is going, I'm sure.
Furthermore, I thought, let's pick a story that conservatives in general ought seemingly to be pretty happy with—oh, here's one. US military launches airstrikes on terror targets in Iraq. It's got bombings, it's got terror, it's got American reinvolvement in Iraq just like John McCain and every last sodding person who was involved in the last involvement in Iraq have been demanding ever since the previous involvement got less involved. So let's look at the comments there and see what's—oh. Oh, dear. This was a mistake.
That's the short version of the big, huge mistake I made in trying to bring you "more mainstream, less obviously insane" nutpicking fodder. I should have known, and yet I did not: the comment sections on FoxNews.com are (when FoxNews.com enables them, which they often don't) what would happen if YouTube comments and local newspaper comments had a cocaine-fueled one-night stand and had a comment baby and that baby grew up to be Internet Comment Hitler.
I am sorry. But not sorry enough to abandon the effort and just cobble something together from the Breitbart House of Insufficient Medication or World Net Daily, the only internet site you can also get on the fillings in your teeth—no, damn it, I didn't read through this entire FoxNews.com comment thread for nothing. I'm taking you all with me, below the fold:
First off, it's important to note that this military operation in Iraq is only taking place to distract us from what's really important, which is the complete breakdown of our southern border. And Benghazi, and the IRS, and whatever else you've got.
Another border patrol officer killed by the guns Obama and Holder sent to the Mexican drug cartels, so blow up an old Chevy in the Middle East that should take attention off the Southern border.
Obama has orchestrated this crisis very well......
Funny! obutthole found it politically expedient to bomb the very entity he created.
Barry ran to Camp David to avoid the plethora of scandals he is involved in and this "air strike" (chuckle, chuckle) is nothing more than an attempt to divert attention from his numerous misdeeds.
You can't say the Fox News crowd isn't paying attention: Pretty much any conspiracy theory you hear on Fox News about such-and-such diverting attention from The Thing Fox News Wants To Talk About will get repeated in the Fox News comment threads for years afterwards. But which really comes first? Do the commenters get their conspiracy theories from the network, or does the network pick out their conspiracy theories from their internet commenters?
In fact, why are we even talking about Iraq?
Ya'll we have our own problem at the south border some of the ranchers are reporting gangs and cartel dressed in army fatigues and carrying guns on the Texas side of the border past time for serious actions.
Some Texas ranchers have also reported that they've seen cows having tea like people and that aliens came to perform space sodomy on them, and I expect Sean Hannity to have shows on all three by the end of next week.
It used to be that a president could count on bombing something in Iraq to be a sure crowdpleaser. Now it's just a distraction from the hellhole that is South Texas.
I can see Obama in the Oval Office, holding a model F-18 and explaining to a foreign leader, "see, it's like this, errrrrrrrrrrrrr... wooosh!"
That's not the president that immediately comes to mind when you describe that scene, but whatever.
He more Arab than black...and he is not a President...he a professional fundraiser...like he was in the hood
This is an old one—variations of it have been going around since before the election. There's a certain set of conservatives who think Barack Obama is not black enough, and it really pisses them off for some reason. The "Arab" is a new twist, but I'm going to assume Chuckles here is using "Arab" as a synonym for "Muslim" because, let's face it, Fox News doesn't really spend a lot of time explaining these things.
What would Hillary have done as president? Let's see...based on her last experience when Americans were under attack...NOTHING!
I used to always bring up Ronald Freaking Reagan when people talked about presidents who did nothing in the face of an attack on Americans overseas, but I realize now that either (1) nobody remembers that far back anyway or (2) it has been surgically removed from the brains of all good conservatives as part of Last Republican President We Can Still Mention. I give up.
So who can a good Fox News viewer trust to handle Iraq right? How 'bout Mitt Romney!
He was right about Russia, right about Syria, right about Obamacare, right about the economy.... Yeah... We would not be in this hellhole if t he dems didn't cheat
Conspiracy theory #26211: the Democrats stole the election because Dick Morris and Karl Rove PINKY PROMISED Romney would win. Unskew the hellhole!
Hey, didn't Sarah Palin predict the Obama withdrawal would end this way?
Sarah Palin predicted there would at some point be unrest in the Middle East? Wow, it's like Nostradamus has returned to us. How could America have ever turned their back on such an obvious visionary?
In case you're wondering, yes. The official conservative stance is still that We Can Never Leave Iraq, Ever. Or for another perspective, presenting a conversation with ConfederateBob:
ConfederateBob: “They’re without food, they’re without water. People are starving, and children are dying of thirst,” Obama said. "If they are moooslims, good!!" ConfederateBob said.
reply: Some of them are. Some of them aren't.
ConfederateBob: Oh, well, enough are.
Go figure, a Fox News commenter going by the handle "ConfederateBob" has a weak grasp of who he's supposed to be hating. Only that children dying of thirst is probably a good thing because they're probably a different religion from him.
We'll close out on a high note, just because that last exchange was a bit sick even by internet comment standards.
G.W. Would have finished the job by now!
Ah yeah, that's the stuff. All glory to George W. Bush, who would have cleaned this mess right up if we had let him.