Now I have heard it all! Apparently, women laughing out loud, according to Turkish Deputy Prime Minister, Bülent Arinc, equates to a lack of “chastity,” and he wants us (women) to stop acting like laughing whores. Ironically, this produced laughter around the world. Mom, Dad, without knowing it you raised the biggest freaking player starting at the age of two. I am sorry, Arinc that I am always happy and laughing and how terribly it reflects on my family raising a female child with a penchant for great freaking humor and rewards said humor with a boisterous, thunderous laugh. Well, I ‘m not sorry…actually, f*!k you! I am your worst freaking nightmare! I did standup comedy for years, and did a show with an all-female lineup. I had people rolling sometimes and I loved it!! And when I laugh, I do it all the way, producing the most “balls to the wall,” tongue unfurled, teeth exposed like a lion roaring, food projectiled to the wall in front of me, pee in pants, shart on my panties, lung-cleaning sounds you have ever heard, and when witnessed will cause either others to laugh, or your eyes to bleed…that much freaking noise!!! So F*!k YOU Arinc and the g***damn anti-human, oppressive, woman-hating, macabre gene pool you came from…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! #DirenKahkaha ("resist and laugh" campaign)
In sadder news, hot air of a different kind coming in the form of all talk and no action! #BringBackOurGirls is now over a 100 days old and still no rescue effort has been made by the Nigerian Government, or the Christian religions these girls were bound by. These are human beings. We as a global community, cannot allow these girls to be removed from their everyday lives and cast off into oblivion. Boko Haram should never underestimate the power of women and they need to be reminded that it was a woman who gave birth to them. #Bring BackOurGirls. That being said, my prediction is it will not end well for the Boko Haram. The leader is one nasty, crazy little bastard who will end up swallowing his own tongue. Hatred and terror of this magnitude will be crushed either by his own hands (like Jim Jones) or by others.
In beauty news, Kim Kardashian shuns carbs because apparently they have assaulted her body with twenty extra pounds. She now thinks her butt looks fat. Kim, and I say this as a feminist who has read the subject of “fat studies,” your butt was fat before. It has been fat for years…and it is beautiful at any size…what the hell is the matter with you? The beauty myth has really taken off in typical “fashion” here. I get it, you want to look the way you looked 4 years ago, but as the mother of two, as we say in Texas, “ain’t gonna happen” no matter how much weight you shed. What? You thought those curvaceous sides of yours were not going to be stretched any more widely because somehow you thought you had a lock on the “birthing hips?” Guess again…. The best thing you can do is: 1. Calm down and do not tweet out such desperate “I hate my body” -ish blurbs. Take it in stride because the more you stress about it, the less it will happen naturally and safely. (This is the fat studies talking, this is me.) 2. Love the way you look at any size. I mean it. Look at yourself and say “ok, I look badass, and I’m going to rock this ass!” This is ultimately about health (mental=emotional=physical) and not “skinny” or “fat.” Rock a new perspective instead.
In good news…Rhonda Lee, the Black weather lady who was fired from her job in Louisiana for defending her natural, short hairstyle in Facebook, has a new job in Denver at “Weather Nation.” Again, the beauty myth tries to “straighten” everyone out with the idea that hair should be straight and not curly. Why are misogynistic dumbasses found in every realm of the world? Why should she change her hairstyle because it is short and just happens to be curly? I haven’t heard anyone complain about Pamela Anderson wearing her hair too short. Rhonda Lee is Black, so why was she fired for telling it like it is? Why should she wear a wig to appease someone who clearly does not understand her and doesn’t appreciate her naturally? Would you?? Congratulations Rhonda Lee, as a fellow woman with serious curl (and I do wear it straight, but it is my choice when I do) rock your style!
And in freaking awesome news (we all need some) former WNBA player, Becky Hammon was hired by an NBA team. I love Texas so much more when it acts correctly! Thank you San Antonio Spurs for recognizing talent and not sex in your most excellent hiring of a great coach! Congratulations Becky!!