GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or even just thinking of quitting, please join us! We kindly ask that politics be left outside.
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A message to ALL quitters (and would-be quitters): You don't have to avoid GUS if you have a failed quit. We won't give you a bad time or nag you. We consider the failed quits as "practice" for the real quit.
We like our little routines.
We like the unthinking, familiar feeling we get from doing our things, our way, the way we always do them. Most adults have already put in the difficult work of figuring out how things should go. We don't have to figure everything out on the fly, contemplate different outcomes, envision likely scenarios if we do X instead of Y...we just do what we do, saving our brainpower and energy for other things.
We're at ease with our routines. They're a kind of behavioral "safe place" where we don't have to try too hard to manage all the little details and interactions that make up our days, which is especially great when we're dealing with some kind of unexpected stress.
And they're comforting, too---routine behaviors can be the emotional equivalent of a comfy robe and slippers or your favorite easy chair. They became routine for a reason, after all: they were the things that punched our buttons in the right way, gave us peace of mind, took the edge off of our stress, required the least amount of effort for the most reward. They felt right. They allowed us to get through life without having to work too hard at getting through life, if you know what I mean.
Figuring out how to do something, react to something, or cope with something---in the absence of our subconscious internal auto-pilot, routine---can be merely annoying or inconvenient, or it can be truly exhausting, heaping stress upon stress. In stressful times, as we all know, it helps not to have to think about things too much, or work too hard to accomplish all those basic, day-to-day responsibilities.
So when our normal routines are interrupted, temporarily (as we weather a short-term disruption, change, or stressful-but-finite circumstance) or permanently (as is the case when we choose to alter longstanding behaviors or experience a life-changing alteration like serious illness or the loss of a job, home, or loved one), we are often thrown for a loop.
If we can't rely on the comfort of our old routines, we are forced to consider alternatives, figure out new strategies, develop new coping mechanisms, and work out what the "new normal" is going to be. Most of us don't enjoy this process, and for good reason.
It's mentally taxing.
It's emotionally draining.
It feels like a test of sorts, but one where you haven't been given the rules, or told what you'll be getting if you pass. It might even be rigged, full of unanticipated problems...who knows? You don't, but you're having to discover this on the fly.
Most of all, it takes time, focus, and energy, and that means you won't have as much of those to spare for the things you must do just to get through the day, never mind do things you actually enjoy. It can wear you down quickly, if you're not careful. It can lead you to make bad choices, because you don't have the energy or clear head to make better ones in the moment. It can foul up even the best laid plans.
Most people attempting major behavioral change are left grappling with this issue, and it manifests as a whole lot of unknowns:
What do I do when my old routine behaviors aren't an option any more?
What do I do now, instead of the old thing I used to do?
Why am I so frustrated by all these simple, basic things?
How long is it going to feel weird?
When will this new normal become routine?
Unfortunately, there's no simple, one-size-fits-all answer. Some of us have better skills and coping strategies when faced with change than others do. A lot of people go with a trial-and-error approach of trying new things, keeping the ones that work, and tossing the rest. Some embrace the opportunity to make new, healthier routines, but forget to allow for the very human slip-ups and stress responses that can temporarily derail even the most sincere effort. And a few of us even have a built-in resistance to change that makes any deviation from routine seem extra-stressful or inherently negative, so these changes are going to be harder to figure out and make "stick."
Just because there's no simple answer, it doesn't mean that finding your answer is impossible. Routines are great for a lot of reasons, but they can change, or be replaced by healthier, more positive new ones that feel just as comforting and safe as the ones we leave behind.
Who's Your Little Buddy?
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Have you had some experience with the effects of smoking, and want to write a GUS diary or host an open thread? Please sign up in the Butt Can (Tip Jar), and name the day and time that works for you. The weekly GUS Diary Schedule is below, with regular hosts in bold. There's an open slot just calling your name!
Thu PM: Vacationland (wrong day, but who's counting?)
Fri AM: flumptytail (but not today, because headache)
Fri PM: Open
Sat AM: Special Guest Host flumptytail!
Sat PM: Open
Sun AM: gchaucer2
Sun PM: Open
Mon AM: Homers24
Mon PM: Open
Tue AM: gchaucer2
Tue PM: Open
Wed AM: Homers24
Wed PM: Vacationland
Thu AM: anodnhajo
If you can spare a few hours, please consider hosting GUS. It doesn't have to be a permanent slot; it can be a one-time deal or just an open thread! Not sure where to start? Just ask for help in the Butt Can (Tip Jar). Seriously, it doesn't have to include specific elements or require all sorts of fabulous diary formatting skills. The regulars will make sure stuff gets carried over from diary to diary, so if you want to just tell your story or provide an open thread and host for a few hours, that's cool too. You do not need to be perfect, you do not need to become a regular, and you would make some quitters very happy.