What a week it was, one that makes you grateful that you made it through to the weekend. Of course there is one of us that didn’t get there with us. Robin Williams ended his life on Monday(August 11, 2014). Mondays are often a difficult day anyway, but this really cast a dark pall upon the entire week. That someone who was always so consistently funny and talented would choose to end his life so tragically, suddenly, without showing any inclination that he would do such a thing. I just feel so sad for Robin Williams and his family and friends.
I am so distraught about it that I felt I had to write it out. Every time I read another article about him, or hear a song that triggers something about it(how could it be Soundgarden- Pretty Noose, playing right now, at this time?), or wake up in the early morning hours with the barrage of thoughts and memories of his outstanding performances or why he chose to move on into the next realm, I get too distracted or deep in thought. So I thought I could get some of it out by writing, which I’ve been wanting to do but never seem to have the time.
Actually I am somewhat surprised at how sad I’ve been about Robin Williams death. It wasn’t like I knew him, but I’ve been mourning him as if he were a relative or friend. I’d have to say it’s because he’s indelibly etched into my memory as the zany comic that would always make a talk show more entertaining, or his genius standup comedy routines, or one of the outstanding acting roles he played. He was so genuine and generous that it’s difficult to accept that he felt so alone and desperate as to choose this route. When my wife asked if I heard the news on Monday, I said he must have really wanted off of this ride. But I know that I was just trying to be stoic, because I am deeply affected by this, as I know so many of us are.
It was the autopsy report that really made cry. It made it obvious how much he wanted to succeed in getting out of here. It made me wonder how many times had he tried to get the job done because he had to have contemplated and tested the method at least a few times during those dark hours. But really I wish I could just tell Robin Williams that I love him and that he made a real impact in this often depressing world. How could a person not have depression after seeing the recent atrocities in Gaza, Syria and Iraq, the Cold War antics being played out in Ukraine, and the martial law display of militarized police in Ferguson, Missouri, the heartland of our own so-called democracy, on Wednesday night.
Perhaps this was his final dramatic role and I mean no disrespect about this only that he had to know the Shakespearean/Greek tragedy tinge of his suicide. In a way I understand why Robin Williams chose to do what he did, especially if he was being diagnosed with some debilitating disease. I have been vacillating between moments of understanding and acceptance, to bouts of crying and anguish, to confusion and shock about his departure. I really wish we could have made him laugh the way he made us laugh. I wish one of us could have helped him through his pain and suffering. I will miss him as I know so many of us will. His family’s loss is ours too, the world will be a lot less humorous without him. He really was an ally and someone that did a lot to propagate goodness and help people in need. We are less without him in it. He was such an original one of a kind talent that we are just lucky to have had him with us for as long as we did. Hope you have found true Peace!