I have heard of excuses as to “why” people fail at tasks, but never as much and for something as serious and worthy of looking into as domestic violence. I could go into statistic after statistic as to the numbers of women who are brutalized by their spouse/boyfriends/male relatives/male strangers and what the warning signs and symptoms are in general, but I would rather focus in on the “clues…” clues, I might add, which were ignored by Goodell and the coaches, and not just on the day, or weeks following the incident, but MONTHS. These clues should have (and perhaps did but were pushed aside) given pause to the initial non-punishment of Ray Rice. Here’s my viewpoint of the MOST obvious clues (and I am sure I am not the only one who noticed):
Clue #1: Rice’s then girlfriend (now wife), Janay Palmer, came out and “saved” her “man” (actually, it seems to me she was subconsciously saving herself) by coming out FIRST to take “her part” in all of this by saying she fell. I don’t know what world the NFL heads live in, but they missed a biggie here. If there is ANY domestic issue where the phrase "I fell” is used, it should be investigated IMMEDIATELY. Women who are abused are in constant “survival mode” and don’t dare complain or accuse their abuser. So if a woman is coming out first to say, "I’m to blame and I fell” while her abuser lets her take ANY responsibility for his beating of her, (as she was charged with "simple assault" alongside him, originally) that is straight out of the “signs of abuse” textbook. THERE IS NO EXCUSE! (That is one freaking coward of a man, hiding in plain sight, next to his wife.)
Clue #2: Ray Rice is 199 lbs. of pure muscle. How could ANYONE with half a brain see a woman lying unconscious in that elevator, hear "I fell" and not investigate? Did Goodell not notice Rice’s “hanging around” without a care in the world as to what he’d just done? That alone should have made anyone think, “Rice is lying.” Especially when strangers helped her, but Rice? Not a finger touched her in a tender way. However, his nasty shoe manages to nudge her unconscious body as if he were pushing aside an ottoman. He wasn’t tussled in the slightest! I am floored by Ray Rice’s reaction to Palmer’s face down position at the elevator door. He wasn’t even remorseful! He even allowed her buttocks to be exposed as he made no point to cover her. This part, the intentional public exposure of her private areas is humiliation, plain and simple. And it was most definitely intentional as domestic abusers always use humiliation as a tactic. It is the salt added to an open wound in order to drive their “point” home and to control the situation further. What was Goodell thinking? That Rice’s subsequent explanation and Palmer’s defense of her abuser were good enough not to investigate further? That somehow upon hearing all the explanations, Rice had a right to hit her?
Clue #3: Rice's original public apology to Palmer. His supposed “I’m sorry” news conference NEVER included anything to wife. Oh, he’s sorry to the coaches, to the fans, the kids who saw what happened, for letting them down by his behavior, but to Palmer? Crickets. Goodell, right here, this would have told me he has some narcissistic sense of entitlement over her and the situation. Rice clearly doesn’t see how wrong his behavior was, and believes he has nothing to apologize to Palmer for because in his mind, “she drove him to cold-cock her.”
Aside from that, he also thinks he needs to just learn to control his temper, but that doesn’t solve the problem because still, in his mind Janay Palmer will always be the one to blame and that somehow, if he learns to control his fists, he doing us all favor because it isn’t him at all! No! It is still Janay’s fault! And in his warped logic, we, the women of the world, will eventually see how Janay drove him to beat her and we will understand and say, “Wow, Ray! We had no idea how much Janay made you want to beat her to a pulp every day! What tremendous restraint you have learned!” GET REAL!
Ray Rice has been let go of the Ravens (and the NFL league in general) but it doesn’t change the poor response by Roger Goodell and the Ravens’ coaches to a very ugly incident. There were enough red flags in the original video to get Goodell’s sense of decency going, but apparently dollars are all that matter. Another case of a woman’s life being bartered and her hurt and desperate need for help (whether she realizes it or not) ignored. Goodell claims that the laws in New Jersey prevented him form obtaining the video but according to Keith Olbermann, that is simply not true. Goodell could have obtained the video if he wanted. Shame on you all!
**No sooner had I written this down, another story of domestic violence hit the headlines. This time about University of Texas guard Martez Walker, a college sophomore, who allegedly hit his girlfriend, Tanecia Gardner, four times on her left side, prompting her to call the EMS because of breathing issues after the alleged assault. According to her statements, this isn’t the first time he has hit her. Walker faces a Class A misdemeanor charge. I mention this because my son, as a senior in high school was arrested (in Austin, Texas, same as Walker) for a Class A misdemeanor. What did my son do? He was driving the car when one of his friends egged a door, causing $700 worth of damage. Walker’s bail for assault? $7500. My son’s bail for egging? $3500. Apparently, the law either equates domestic violence with damaged property, or they consider abused women damaged property equal to a minimum of $700.
This needs to change SOON! All of it. The culture of domestic violence needs to stop blaming the victim. How can egging and domestic assault be on the same level?? There is a problem in logic when damage to a door and domestic assault inhabit the same realm of punishment.
9/11
Since this is the 13th anniversary 9/11, I wanted to take time out to honor our fallen women in uniform of and since that terrible day, who went in to rescue people, only to die when the World Trade Centers towers collapsed, or who were a part of the rescue in the following months only to succumb to respiratory illnesses as a result of toxic fumes. Make no mistake, I am grateful to the men who sacrificed their lives on this day many years ago, but for the purposes of this group, I want to focus on the women. I posting links to their bios. If have forgotten anyone, my sincerest apologies and please feel free to post their names in the comments section:
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
http://www.odmp.org/...
For more about other women involved in 9/11 go here: http://womenshistory.about.com/...
And of course, let us not forget all the mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins, granddaughters, grandmothers, sister-in-laws, step-sisters, stepmothers, step-grandmothers, nieces, girlfriends and female companions we lost in the air and in the buildings that tragic day. I have never forgotten.
In other news...And still speaking about domestic violence:
Oscar Pistorius is found guilty of culpable homicide, which carries a lighter sentence, 0-15 years in prison.
In Texas news:
Greg Abbot files an “ethic’s complaint” against Wendy Davis, citing her book tour as the problem, and not his incoherent and ironic thoughts about wasting tax-payer dollars.
The abortion laws are still be debated in court.
And in better news:
Hillary Clinton is about to become a grandmother