From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A few reminders on this, the last day of summer:
And if you don't like it, go open
up your own damn Congress.
> Voter impersonation is not a problem. Voter suppression by Republicans is.
> If you're unemployed, Speaker of the House John Boehner thinks you're lazy slug.
> If you're Speaker of the House John Boehner, you're a fully-employed Real American in the middle of spending thirteen out of fifteen weeks on vacation.
> The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is working well and growing in popularity. Republicans are starting to want you to forget that they ever opposed it.
> The Supreme Court's approval rating is only slightly higher than President Obama's, whose approval rating is way, way,
way higher than Congress's.
> A little more GOP mansplaining about ladyparts will
cause women to flock to vote Republican in November.
> Lots of Democratic candidates are running excellent campaigns this year.
> Nothing has been done about the white conservative militia goons who pointed their loaded weapons at state and federal authorities earlier this year in Nevada.
> Kansas Senator Pat Roberts' campaign slogan,
Leadership You Can Count On...to be Phoned In, was, in hindsight, poorly chosen.
> There are already U.S. boots on the ground in Iraq. Lots of them.
> You can still be fired for being gay in 29 states and for being transgender in 34.
> It might be time to toss that coleslaw from June.
Bring on fall.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, September 22, 2014
Note: My Darling Rebecca, a Russian company just bought Pabst Blue Ribbon. The war is lost. I will try to write you from prison. Your Husband Johnny
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5 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections:
43
Days 'til the 30th annual
North Carolina Pride Festival in Raleigh-Durham:
5
Rank of "Hands up, Don't Shoot!" and "No Justice, No Peace" on the Global Language Monitor's
top phrases of 2014 at the moment:
#1, #2
Number of states that increased and decreased, respectively, hiring in August:
35, 15
Unemployment rate in Georgia, currently the state with the highest level in the country:
8.1%
(Source: Labor Dept.)
Rank or journalists/media staffers, police and teachers among
professions with the highest number of coffee drinkers:
#1, #2, #3
(Source:
Tech Times)
Number of monsters Senator Lindsey Graham claims are hiding under his bed, versus the actual number found by the Orkin Man:
326 / 0
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NEW! Your Monday Robin Williams Moment
"Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money."
"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.”
"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… Look at the platypus."
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Random newbie
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Kossacks were out in force.
CHEERS to a pleasant day saving the planet. The Glopmorphians monitoring Earth from their planet 6 bazillion miles away heard a joyous angry ruckus yesterday when, in addition to other protests
around the world, Americans descended on
New York City to kindly ask our not-so-benevolent overlords if they wouldn't mind preventing the planet from turning into a giant ball of toxic goo. (The overlords say they'll consider it, but first we must bring them the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West, which I think is fair.) Attendance was pegged at over 300,000 by the organizers, "legions" by
The New York Times, and 16 by Fox News. Meanwhile the Daily Kos Climate Blogathon continues today, so rec those posts up when you see 'em. And coming up tomorrow: the U.N. Climate Summit, which is
"the first time in five years that world leaders have gathered to discuss climate change." Because, y'know, why rush things when you have fully-stocked escape pods sitting under the United nations Building and... Oops, I've said too much.
P.S. The heirs of oil tycoon John D. Rockefeller have announced that they're taking their nearly one-billion dollars in philanthropic money and scrubbing it of all fossil fuel investments. Think that'll get some tongues wagging today?
CHEERS to the chilling season. Tonight at exactly 10:29 EDT, the autumnal equinox will get its groove on and steal summer's mojo. Right on cue the flannel will be flappin' in the breeze, Jack frost will take up residence in the yard, and trees will become nature's annual fireworks display:
Autumn as observed through
a pair of Kos-colored glasses.
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Leaf-peepers, get set: Experts say the summer season has set the stage for potentially exceptional fall colors in the Northeast, though the weather through mid-October will ultimately determine how stellar of a display will emerge.
The Northeastern states have had a good to excellent growing season without any major disturbances, according to Dr. Michael Day, University of Maine research professor of Physiological Ecology. "In addition, adequate precipitation and lack of wind disturbances has resulted in trees with an exceptional amount of foliage still attached," he said.
Here at the BiPM household we'll observe our usual solstice tradition: slurping a quart of steaming clam chowder from a dirty L.L. Bean boot.
JEERS to the crazy Brits. On September 22, 1761, George III was crowned King of England:
George III on his throne.
"It was a sad day for the British Empire when King George became its political master. He was a man of narrow intellect, and lacked every element of the greatness of statesmanship. 'He had a smaller mind,' says the British historian, [Peter] Green, 'than any English king before him save James II.' He showered favors on his obsequious followers, while men of independent character whom he could not bend to his will became the objects of his hatred."
Sounds like the jackass who hoisted himself on our throne a dozen years ago. Anyway, thanks for the colonies, G-3! But, as always, you can keep the kidney pudding.
CHEERS to Mars' newest little buddy. The NASA orbiter Maven was scheduled to swing into the red planet's orbit last night at 9:37, and this morning you'll be hearing the space agency's favorite word a lot: "Success!" Once its final orbit is established, the craft will circle Mars every four-and-a-half hours. It would've been less, but NASA forgot to include the TransPass so it has to stop at all the tollbooths.
You can bid on use of a
Tokyo apartment for five
nights and get it for a song.
CHEERS to taking candy from a baby. That's how easy it is to get your hands on some of the cool stuff up for bids in the fabulous
annual Netroots Nation Auction. But you only have one more day to place your bids. It ends tomorrow night at 10ET. Please note that, while our
deluxe framed Harvey Milk stamps and
Official 2014 White House Easter eggs are still up for grabs, the pages for the BiPM hitman service, the coupon good for dumping six bags of "whatever" in Yucca Mountain, and the "Dodge Dart filled with terror babies" have been removed. I assume because they want to save some good stuff for the upcoming holiday auction. Smart thinking!
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Five years ago in C&J: September 22, 2009
CHEERS to Kodak Moments. Well, this should be fun:
Three Amigos! Let's ride!
U.S. President Barack Obama will hold a joint meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas on Tuesday to try to restart peace talks between the two sides, the White House said. The meeting---the first between the three men---will be held in New York, where the U.N. General Assembly takes place next week.
Here's what to watch for: if they split the check amicably at Spago, it's good news. If they dine 'n dash and then run around for a few hours playing
Ding Dong Ditch, it's really good news.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to free publicity. All I can imagine is that country singer Tim McGraw was out cutting the grass and out of the blue started singing the hook Portland…MAINE! Portland…MAINE! So he turned it into a song, included it on his new album, and now our fair little hamlet is all abuzz about it. And Billboard magazine says it "could be in the running for the CMA single of the year in 2015." You can listen to it here, upon which you'll learn that it's a break-up song and he really, really, really doesn't give a crap about Portland Maine:
Portland, Maine, I don't know where that is
Leave your bags in the car, keep it running
I won't pretend, I don't want these things
But Portland, Maine, I don't know where that is
Portland, Maine, I don't know where that is
Wait a minute: he's made up his mind about something before he's even gotten the facts about it? This isn't a break-up song. Sounds more like a tea party song.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Would you cheer and jeer
in a box?
Would you cheer and jeer
with a fox?
Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
---Dr. Seuss
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