From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
It's time once again to play History: Cruel...or Kind?
Round 1:
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell gives his first press conference since the league got hit with a string of spousal and child abuse scandals that were treated as minor annoyances by management.
History will be kind because...as with NRA president Wayne LaPierre, Goodell is adept at circling the lawyers, ramping up the propaganda machine, and creating his own history that, along with a new poll showing the public doesn’t much care about the scandal, will be kind.
History will be cruel because...looking the other way as supposed role models conduct themselves at home in a way that would get them thrown out of a game against hulking opponents in full body armor isn't exactly a model of integrity.
Verdict: History will be CRUEL. Officially, anyway. But neither Goodell nor the team owners will give a rat's p'tootey as long as the money keeps rolling in and the sponsors limit their objections to toothless tut-tuts. But the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl no matter what.
Round 2:
Over 300,000 people raise a joyful angry ruckus in New York City (and thousands more raise ruckuses in other cities around the world) during the People's March for Climate Change.
History will be kind because...three times as many people showed up than were expected, sending a strong signal that climate-change realists are a force to be reckoned with.
History will be cruel because...if the Sunday morning shows don't cover it, did it really happen? Plus the traffic tie-ups---grrrrr, you people, I'm late for brunch!
Verdict: History will be KIND. The march will be a part of the highlight reel for sanity and common sense at a time when it seems like every reputable climate expert's and organization's "worst case" scenarios turn out to be not worst-case enough. Plus bonus points for signs that were properly spellchecked.
Round 3:
Speaker of the House John Boehner brings Legislative branch business to a screeching (well, screechinger) halt by sending members of the lower chamber home early for an extended six-week break.
History will be kind because...they weren't doing anything but naming post offices and holding pointless Benghazi hearings anyway, and it'll give the housekeeping staff more time to get rid of the rotting-flesh smell from the carpet around the tea party caucus's desks.
History will be cruel because...compared the 113th Congress, the action of the tar-pitch experiment looks like a runaway freight train.
Verdict: History will be CRUEL. But for Republicans who have faithfully executed an agenda of 100 percent obstruction for their corporate overlords, it will be decidedly lucrative when they retire or get the boot. Nice little grifter mill they got up there.
Next week: history judges the air war against ISIS, the Palin family brawl, and Henry Kissinger's refusal to share the formula for his immortality serum. Meanwhile Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Note: Because he really has no place to go and nothing to do except wait to get re-elected, Congressman Louie Gohmert will be giving horsie rides in the vacant House chamber this week. He asks that you please use the riding crop generously and refer to him by his equine name: Pickles.
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9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Rosh Hashanah starts:
1
Days 'til the
Stone Lake Cranberry Festival in Wisconsin:
9
Years since the American middle class got a raise:
15
(Source:
FiveThirtyEight)
Percent drop in the number of U.S. start-up companies between 1977 and 2011:
28%
(Source:
The Week)
Amount by which spending on mobile ads is projected to exceed that on newspaper ads this year:
$1,000,000,000
(Source: Harper's Index)
Amount Alaskans are getting this year from the state oil wealth account:
$1,900
Percent of Mainers with Scottish ancestry, the highest in the United States:
3.34%
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
If a majority of our country's voters want Elizabeth Warren for President then at least the rest of us will know that the time is right for that move to Costa Rica or Australia. Or we can all move to Texas and start the secession movement in earnest.
---Commenter JWard at Powerline
All together now: 1…2…3…
Take Rush with ya!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dachshunds + GoPro + Tchaikovsky = Squee
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Oh, Bibi...you da bomb.
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CHEERS to world peace...or a semi-close approximation thereof. If it's autumn in New York, that means it's
General Assembly time! All the leaders of the universe are assembled at the United Nations this week in an annual contest to see which one can be the biggest public nuisance. Although I have to say it's not quite as looney toons as it was back when we had some real unstable goofballs wandering its hallways: Hugo Chavez (dead), Mahmud Ahmadinejahd (term-limited), George W. Bush (takin' up drawin' stuff with a crayon between his toes). I guess the best we can hope for is Benjamin Netanyahu to step up to the lectern again with his cartoon bomb out of Wile E. Coyote's Acme catalog. But perhaps the lack of nutty showboaters might mean something constructive may actually get done, like on climate change. Then, as custom now dictates, the General Assembly will honor the memory of Muammar Gadaffi by closing with a moment of silence lasting zero seconds.
CHEERS to ballot initiatives. Today is
National Voter Registration Day. Democrats look at it as a chance to send out thousands of volunteers in force to make sure that all American adults 18 and older---especially minorities and residents in underprivileged areas---are signed up so that they can have a trouble-free experience at their local polling place in November. Republicans look at it as their worst nightmare.
Signed books from Gillibrand,
Warren and Kearns Goodwin.
CHEERS to the thrilling conclusion!!! At 10 O'clock tonight, the Netroots Nation Fall Online Auction ends. The bidding will stop, the auction paddles will fall silent, the winners will weep tears of joy and the losers will weep tears of loss. (Makes sense, right?) So before you get too deep in the weeds of your Tuesday, you might want to head on over and
take another spin around the site. You'll find autographed books, travel deals, nice-lookin' jewelry, memorabilia, and C&J's offerings, the
deluxe framed Harvey Milk stamps and
Official 2014 White House Easter eggs.
Proceeds go to help fund the Netroots Nation convention and its regional events. Please note that the item marked "Barbie's Dream Meth Lab" has been removed because dear god we had no idea Mattel made it functional.
CHEERS to great moments in naval warfare. On September 23, 1779---during our War of Independence---Commodore John Paul George Ringo Jones, aboard the U.S.S. Bonhomme Richard (named as a tribute to Ben Franklin) engaged the British man-of-war Serapis in the North Sea. It was during this battle that Jones uttered the immortal words, "I have not yet begun to fight." Less known was the response from his crew: "Wild guess: you're in management."
CHEERS to spinnin' round and round. The Space probe Maven successfully inserted itself into Mars's atmosphere Sunday, and NASA says everything is just ducky and green lighty:
Get a room, you two,.
"As the first orbiter dedicated to studying Mars’ upper atmosphere, MAVEN will greatly improve our understanding of the history of the Martian atmosphere, how the climate has changed over time, and how that has influenced the evolution of the surface and the potential habitability of the planet,” said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden. “It also will better inform a future mission to send humans to the Red Planet in the 2030s.” …
Following orbit insertion, MAVEN will begin a six-week commissioning phase that includes maneuvering into its final science orbit and testing the instruments and science-mapping commands. MAVEN then will begin its one Earth-year primary mission, taking measurements of the composition, structure and escape of gases in Mars’ upper atmosphere and its interaction with the sun and solar wind.
And if things continue to go well following the insertion, nine months later Mars will give birth to a toaster.
CHEERS to another judicial clean bill of health. Obamacare coasts to another win, as judges on the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals rule that delaying the employer mandate was legally okeedokee. In fact, they…
Ha Ha Ha Ha!
…unanimously affirmed a lower court decision that the [conservative] Association of American Physicians and Surgeons lacked standing to sue because they failed to prove that the administration's move would harm them. "In a market economy everything is connected to everything else through the price system. To allow a long, intermediated chain of effects to establish standing is to abolish the standing requirement as a practical matter," Judge Frank H. Easterbrook wrote for a three-judge panel of Republican appointees.
Notably, the lawsuit is similar to the one that the Republican-led House voted to authorize against Obama in July.
Memo to John Boehner: take two pouty faces and call your legal team in the morning. After your first cigarette but before your first scotch.
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Five years ago in C&J: September 23, 2009
CHEERS to being first in line. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!!!!!!! I'm so excited to learn that the FDIC just made it's first "public-private" sale from its roadside toxic assets stand!!! You remember what toxic assets are, right? They're what Atrios calls "Big Shitpile"---the worthless assets that sank the economy, froze credit, and forced you and me to pay $700 billion (that's 350 billion apiece!!!!) to clean it up. Well, the Treasury is testing the system now---a smart thing to do!!!!!---and the first company to step up to the plate is...Residential Credit Solutions of Fort Worth, Texas!!!! Their web site has happy, smiling people, and that gives me confidence!!! Geithner, you magnificent bastard, I think you pulled it off!!!
P.S. Memo to self: Two Red Bulls in AM = one Red Bull too many!!!!!
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And just one more…
JEERS to the pooch who saved Tricky Dick. On this date in 1952, Ike's veep candidate Richard Nixon delivered a milestone in televised ass-covering when he gave his famous Checkers speech on national TV. Talk about drama queens:
"Hey, Dick. Bugging offices will
take you far in life. Trust me."
I should say this, that Pat doesn't have a mink coat. But she does have a respectable Republican cloth coat, and I always tell her she would look good in anything. One other thing I probably should tell you, because if I don't they will probably be saying this about me, too. We did get something, a gift, after the election.
A man down in Texas heard Pat on the radio mention the fact that our two youngsters would like to have a dog and, believe it or not, the day before we left on this campaign trip we got a message from Union Station in Baltimore, saying they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was? It was a little cocker spaniel dog, in a crate that he had sent all the way from Texas---black and white, spotted, and our little girl Tricia, the six year old, named it Checkers.
And you know, the kids, like all kids, loved the dog, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we are going to keep it.
Noting his blatant disregard for the law, the FEC hauled his ass off to jail, where he languished for 40 years. [
Poof!!!] Whoa. I just had the coolest dream.
Have a nice Tuesday and Happy Autumn. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Scientists have found that a single reading of Cheers and Jeers is enough to produce dramatic changes in the functional architecture of the human brain.
---ScienceWorldReport
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