I like to help people, I always have. I think many of us here do - we see someone in need of help or support and we dive in to proffer what we think is needed. Sometimes, though, that's not what's needed. Follow me below the dingledoodle squigglie dKosagnocchi dividerthingie fold after a word from our sponsor...
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I have a friend who for years has been my walking buddy - as often as we can, we head out to walk for an hour and along the way, we chat. A lot. About anything and everything. Sometimes, they're about the myriad frustrations life throws at us, between family issues, job stresses, health issues, etc. Trying to be a good friend, I listen attentively, then start offering my thoughts on what's going on and suggestions on What Might Help.
Sometimes, it led to further talk on the topic, other times it led to a quiet yet definite change of topic. Thankfully, she's the type of good friend who let me know that what I was doing wasn't helping. She explained that just because she needed to vent off some of the pressure by talking about an issue, it did NOT mean she wanted my opinions on the matter. What she wanted was someone to listen.
While to many of you I am sure this was obvious, that I could be a better friend by keeping my advice confined unless asked for was a revelation to me. On our walks, I started asking "Is this a venting talk, or a wants-my-thoughts talk?" If it was a venting one, I was freed from feeling the need to fix it and could listen supportively and give exactly what was needed at the time.
I've come to realize that talking to teenagers benefits from the same approach. The little one that came to you for advice on everything becomes their own person and simply wants to share what happened without a well-intentioned basket of advice and 'what you can try next time's. Sure, there are times when it is my responsibility as a parent to give unsolicited advice and guidance; that's why I get the Soros-sized benefits, right? But most of the time, my role is as the steady constant support ready to offer advice and thoughts like a stage-prompt in the play that is their life.
What about you? Do you offer advice or try to fix things unsolicited, or do you wait until asked. Are you a venter, or do you only share if you're hoping for inspiration from whoever you're talking to?
This is a sharing, not a venting, conversation :). Thanks go to BeninSC tonight, for sharing TC duties with me and providing you with our Tops tonite.
Brillig's ObDisclaimer: The decision to publish each nomination lies with the evening's Diarist and/or Comment Formatter. My evenings at the helm, I try reeeeallllyy hard to publish everything without regard to content. I really do, even when I disagree personally with any given nomination. "TopCommentness" lies in the eyes of the nominator and of you, the reader - I leave the decision to you. I do not publish self-nominations (ie your own comments) and if I ruled the world, we'd all build community, supporting and uplifting instead of tearing our fellow Kossacks down.
From Gwennedd:
This comment by Susan Stike Connor perfectly sums up what a Marine is and isn't in my diary Vigilantes Pooping Their Shorts.
From Puddytat:
Pluto makes a great point in this comment. I wonder if we'll realize it and correct our path.
Some comment 'flags:'
Flagged by SpamNunn, this comment by agnostic highlights the role of 'political correctness' in political dialogue. Agree, disagree, it is certainly thought-provoking!
Flagged by protectspice, this comment by Drewid may be too accurate in too painful a way to be humorous. (This comment by NotGeorgeWill must be read first for context.)
Flagged by Gwennedd, this comment by Susan Stike Connor defiantly expounds on what it means to be a Marine.
Flagged by Wildthumb and newpioneer, this comment by debocracy takes off on the idea of 'Crazy Ivan' to analyze American politics. (Hint: the 'crazy Ivans/Republicans' do not come off well.)
Flagged by librarisingnsf, this beautiful comment by llbear is about as 'fresh' as any Top Comment I've ever seen, within the hour! It tells of a great love, and the adversity it encountered from its early moments, and, best of all, it is told as a gift to newlyweds, Oscar De Las Salas and Gary Jackson, featured in librarising's fine diary about that wedding, and the nasty bigotry it encountered. But bigotry is no match for love! Never will be!
From Yours Truly, brillig:
This thread started by xenubarb with help from jayden and CPT Doom (and an AdamB sound clip) is the kind that gives me hope in the world.
Setup by deben and return by Mother Mags, in Hunter's Scott Brown says America is about to be destroyed by 'radical Islamic terrorists'.
Top Mojo for yesterday, September 22nd, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you
mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary
FAQing Top Mojo.
1) If I see a diary by side pocket — 159
2) "The cartels followed me to WalMart." Priceless. by Crashing Vor — 152
3) "Top Scientist smashes Republican climate deniers" by Joffan — 117
4) Ooh by Mindful Nature — 114
5) It's a feature not a bug especially since I'm not by a2nite — 109
6) Dammit! by Man Oh Man — 104
7) If only SCOTUS would make students, "people" by merrywidow — 103
8) Something Tells Me That Bankruptcy is the Free by Gooserock — 101
9) Big corps can ditch their debts by FishOutofWater — 100
10) According to Juanita Jean by SilverWillow — 96
11) Peter Principle failing upward. nt by JML9999 — 91
12) Considering the fact that no storeworkers... by markthshark — 87
13) Nominated for: by JimWilson — 86
14) Memo to Elites: by magnetics — 81
15) He came up with this theory one night... by BenderRodriguez — 81
16) Between 'offshore' accounts, and other dodges by oldcrow — 81
17) Fuck the pearl clutchers by DisNoir36 — 79
18) There was always a superior alternative by James Hepburn — 79
19) They are not stupid. They are bought-and-paid-for by PeterHug — 76
20) He is unwatchable by Sinan — 73
21) No kidding by kenwards — 72
22) Excellent post, well-written and informative. by translatorpro — 70
23) I caught that on FB yesterday. by Gwennedd — 69
24) Seconded by Betty Pinson — 68
25) Oh, dear Odin, by Silencio — 67
26) she gets definite points for courage. by G2geek — 67
27) Nutcase paranoids - that seems to be who by YucatanMan — 62
28) They are so stupid by FishOutofWater — 62
29) If their concern is illegal immigration, why by dallasdunlap — 61
30) Keynes was filtered through FDR who did side wi... by Musial — 60
2014-09-23 Top Comments with Pictures, courtesy of
jotter!