Yes, an Eggplant Could Get Elected in South Carolina, as long as it goes on the ballot with an 'R' next to its name.
Here you go, South Carolina! Your next Republican public 'servant!'
(Yes, I use the term sarcastically, because, of course, no Republican politician gives a damn about serving the public. Not in South Carolina, not in any state or community.)
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It's a fact. It wouldn't matter who was running as the Democratic candidate, the Eggplant would win in a walk. 'R's' walk into the booth and click that 'R' no matter what else is going on in the world. I am not saying they are mindless automatons, but a mindless automaton couldn't perform the function any better or more predictably. Just because they (South Carolina Republicans) are not mindless automatons does not mean that there is nothing mindlessly automaton-onomic about their voting. (Hat tip to George Lakoff, for his seminal work on the subject: Don't Think of a Mindless Automaton.)
So, let's look a moment at our Eggplant candidate, that Republican voters in South Carolina would elect, same as a mindless automaton would. For contrast, let's take a hypothetical South Carolina Republican. Let's name him … to pick a name out of thin air … Tim Scott. For the sake of diversity, let's say he's a black Republican running for the office of ... oh … US Senate. Though black, as a Republican, we know he'd forever be innocent of the charge that, within the state of South Carolina, has doomed Barack Obama for all eternity - the charge of governing while black. That is something a Senator Tim Scott would never do. He only uses the position to block government from doing anything useful, so that he can campaign on the idea that government achieves nothing worthwhile, and deserves no funding or empowerment, for anything, ever, except for wars and prisons and discrimination and bigotry and prayer in public offices and undermining children, women, the elderly, those seeking an education, all minorities (except for Tim Scott, himself, and a few family members and friends he may explicitly exempt by name), veterans ... stuff like that. You get the idea.
Now, let's look at Eggplant. Unlike Tim Scott, Eggplant has a keen sense of nature and its realities. It knows instinctively that the earth is warming, that that is not ‘made-up,’ and that changes to its cultivation are inevitable, as human beings mismanage the planet. So Eggplant would not - COULD not! - be a climate denier. Nor would Eggplant vote against the environment and prudent protections for it. Eggplant would not seek its own selfish advantage, knowing innately that any seeming advantage OVER other species (and other members of its own) are not real advantages, but, rather, totally sham advantages, not ones that could benefit anyone (not even Eggplant, itself). Eggplant would know that we are all in this together, and that compromises to that understanding wouldn't benefit anyone, not even the most rigid of mindless automatons. Eggplant would never be bigoted, would never seek its own exclusive, selfish advantage. Eggplant would never be small-minded, would never be short-sighted, would never be biased.
Yes. ::sigh:: After one term, Eggplant would get primaried. There, the ‘R’ would not suffice.
By any standard (except that of, say, a mindless automaton), South Carolina would be far better served by Eggplant, R, than it ever would by a -mindless automaton like- err ... person like Tim Scott. Any state would.
May we see Eggplant, R on the ballot in 2016. For once, there might be an R I could really get behind. Let's hear it for Eggplant!
Do note: I had no intention of picking exclusively on Tim Scott. Any ‘R’ name would do as well: Jim DeMint, Lindsey Graham, Nikki Haley, Mark Sanford ... the sole distinction is, that, of those people, he is the only one for whom 'not governing while black' could be considered volitional. The others are not black by any standard. Just black-hearted, as far as the people are concerned.
Also, it is possible that Republicans may feel some offense at the eggplant analogy. But make no mistake, I intended to cast no aspersions on eggplants at all. The eggplant is a noble fruit. Fortunately, unlike Republicans, Eggplant is not insecure about comparison, favorable or not. Eggplant is stable, balanced, and it never interprets offense for the sake of agenda advantage or distraction.
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From BeninSC:
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