Chuck Todd: Senator, some liberals (but not me) think that your fetish with the Keystone XL Pipeline suggests a quid pro quo.
Sen. McTurdle: Well, I think the liberals who showed-up with signs protesting the Keystone project were paid by the Democrat party. We had a hard time filling out my campaign rallies with enthusiastic supporters because the Democrat party had already booked these people.
Todd: Disqualifying I would say.
McTurdle: What do you expect from the party of Emperor Barrack Hussein Obama?
Todd: Well, after six years—or has it been 15?—of Obama steadfastly refusing to cooperate with the Repubicans—what options do you have left to enforce the mandate of the People? The mid-terms were tsunamic.
McTurdle: I know we said there would be no government shutdown, but I can’t control the Democrat party. They paid dearly in the landslide mid-terms for causing the government to be shut down in 2013. You’d think they would learn. Watch, they are going to do it all over again by refusing to do what I want.
Todd: Have you considered gumming-up the legislative calendar?
McTurdle: We were elected to serve the People, so I would be loathe to do that unless this rogue administration refuses to go along with our legislative agenda. Any slowdowns would not be our fault.
Todd: To change gears, can you comment on the executive order on immigration that Obama is to issue tomorrow?
McTurdle: I condemn every word of it—or I will as soon as I know what it says. Here we have a President mad with power. He refuses to recognize the will of the People. I would remind him that the various illegals he is shielding are not the People. The People are U.S. citizens with proper photo IDs. Read the Constitution.
Todd: Well said. By the way, did Obama call you yet to concede the election and acknowledge that you are in charge now?
McTurdle: He did but I was asleep dreaming of what a wonderful place our great country can now be. I have always been mystified why Barrack Hussein Obama wasted the opportunity given to him by the People to be President. He has discredited the very institution with his obstructionism and his refusal to negotiate in good faith.
Todd: I trust it is not lost on you that most of the People who elected him did not have photo IDs.
McTurdle: It most certainly is not. We’ve been fixing that state-by-state with the help of my friend Alex. And we are including five of the Justices of the Supreme Court at our Senate Repube Retreat in Dubai, all expenses paid. They will enable us to execute the mandates of the People, which are (in order of magnitude of contributions by the People):
• Keystone XL Pipeline: This will create up to 35 permanent low-paying jobs and allow Canada to easily move its tar sands oil across our great land for export overseas. Two of our Brothers own a little land in Alberta that is lousy with tar sands reserves, and this project might have the incidental effect of helping them make a few billion dollars (Cdn.), but that is not why we care so much. Think of all those jobs.
• Immigration Executive Order: Why should we pamper young illegals—day dreamers they call them—who have been educated illegally in our schools and now want to be productive members of our society?
• Obamacare: We really just want a few tweaks to make the law better--like eliminating the individual mandate, the subsidies, the employer mandate, the medical device tax and coverage for preexisting conditions. As always, we stand prepared to work with the President to make these corrections to the law.
Todd: Yes. I never understood why people want healthcare coverage. Do you think Obamacare tramples religious freedom?
McTurdle: I only need to point to Hobby Lobby Inc., a highly devout corporation—good People as we say in Kentucky—that was forced to appeal to the Supreme Court to exercise its religious freedoms.
Todd: Thank you for your time. We look forward to having our government function again in accordance with the hoary traditions of the august body you have the privilege of guiding. Thank you for your service, Sir. Our next guest, Donald Trump, will join me after this commercial break.