I have been debating whether to write this for numerous privacy reasons. For those who know me, and know the story, if they happen upon this, I would endure the repercussions of no longer being faceless (which is my sole goal online, I mistrust the internet), which might change the way I can post regarding certain financial matters, especially, due to my prior career and future prospects, which are already bleak. I also realize it opens up my less "constructive" moments online to scrutiny, as some folks are really bored. But I was having a conversation about Ferguson the other night with a close friend who I have known forever and I found myself uttering the title phrase to preface my thoughts, and realized that my thoughts might be better served to a wider audience.
I am not alone in distrusting cops. I am not alone in having experienced bad things. I tend to find myself outside the box of my demographic in a lot of cases (now mid thirties white guy who grew up in a decent suburb, had your "aspired to" white collar job, that I was successful at, no criminal record. You know, most likely a "Republican"). But to reintroduce my original title, I can only judge life on my experiences. And with the police, my first experience was one that will always reverberate when having to listen to those who insist we must take the cops side, or we must believe the cop, or the cops are looking out for the victim. Again, I can only relate this through my eyes, which may be colored and a little faded with time, although I know everything I say happened with a certain amount of certainty, although the context can only mirror my own thought processes and interpretation and the memory of a long time passed.
When I was 10, my younger sister got hit by a drunk driver and nearly killed at 4 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. I was standing right next to her when it happened. I watched the woman drive away and have to be flagged down by another driver down the road, since she did not initially stop. From what I heard, she was pretty well connected, but that was all hearsay but would explain my experience at trial. Being the key witness, since I was the only one standing right there, my testimony was the only "eye witness" account of what happened at the moment of impact. The cops initiated a narrative that my shock led me to black out certain moments, and this was before computer modelling and all the CSI stuff we have today. My version was faulty, from where we were standing, to whether the woman swerved, they said she hadn't. I knew differently, and still do, although it led even me to doubt it at times, regardless of how many times I had done the same thing in my own neighborhood. Now this itself wasn't so bad, I mean a disagreement on the location/exact impact spot can be easily explained, and even justified, and maybe, I was even wrong. It is what followed my testimony that has always given me pause in future discussions regarding police. A sergeant who was involved in the investigation testified for the defense at trial. Now ask yourself, what kind of sleezebag testifies for a hit and run drunk driver of a 7 year old to impugn my testimony. You might say I am being harsh, but an 11 year old getting grilled on the stand regarding being wrong tends to stick with someone. The dispute of facts wasn't good enough for this officer. In his testimony, he also threw in a new portion from his deposition, that he had personally seen me unsafely run out against traffic a few weeks before trial. It seemed odd to me, the first reason because I spent years after this getting made fun of by friends because if there was a car 200 yards away, I would wait, frozen, until it stopped or passed (yes, I may have still been guilty in my neighborhood of the crime of jaywalking when no cars were around, which is common, but maybe not smart). The other reason it seemed odd was brought up in his cross by the prosecutor, though. You see, my parents had decided the trial, depositions, the civil suit, and the accident itself, were all wearing me down, so they sent me to a camp 300 miles away for a month before, so it was odd that I could have been unsafely crossing a street in my home town anywhere near trial. If you can say we got lucky (as far as her punishment and civil settlement goes) we got lucky by this turn of events. The witness, in this case me, had an alibi. I can not attest to whether this changed anything at trial, but think about that for a second. I needed an alibi to defend myself from the accusations of a "well respected" police officer, that I was partially responsible in some way, in order to protect an over the legal limit hit and run, should have been felon.
I would like to say my adult interactions have shaded my view of police to believe this is a lone case, but they haven't. In every interaction I have had the misfortune of witnessing or being a part of, I have watched cops escalate situations, initiate confrontations and/or protect wealthy interests at almost every turn (from my perspective, which again increasing becomes us against them with every interaction, which tends to make me vocal). So when I ask whether I support the protests, I naturally say yes (although rioting is counterproductive and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent, no business owner deserves to be punished for events they did not cause nor have a part in). When I see other cops stand up and denigrate protest supporters, or support the shield, I do not see an act of nobility, I see the cowardice of a system that has led them to believe they are above the law, and that they have earned the right to think they are above the people who pay them, and the people they are entrusted to protect. Do I believe all cops are bad, of course not, my interactions have been with 5 of maybe what, 500K? But this isn't about all cops, it is about those who do not believe there is an issue in their ranks, that act as if we have no right to question them, when the good ones should be HORRIFIED to share ranks, the shield and get tarred by those who are abusing the trust. Officer Wilson abused this trust in almost every way imaginable according to the vast majority of witnesses, but more importantly, by common sense. The amount of shots fired and where they were aimed attest to this better than any witness. They were kill shots, not of protection (kneecap, anyone?). I can somewhat understand why the vast majority of people tend to believe cops, most have not had in depth interaction with them and hold this belief that officer friendly is on your side. Maybe it's about time these folks start listening to the thousands of stories that show this is not always the case, even if it is, say, 95% of the time (which I would say is high, but who knows for sure). Maybe it is also time the good cops of this world do the same.