People talk about the environment like the Earth’s in danger. Don’t worry about Earth. Earth was a ball of magma once. Worry about us.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as You agree to everything in it, You can use the Heaven app.
Don't blame the universe when bad things happen to you. Maybe your enemies added bad stuff happening to you to their vision boards.
If Richard Nixon were alive today he'd be all, like, wait, I can spy on everybody now?
Elected office holders, before doing anything ask yourself, "Would Rage Against The Machine write a song about how evil this is?"
Let me get this straight. I doze off ONE time during an insomnia support group meeting and suddenly I'm "not one of them."
FUN FACT:
Bears hibernate in the winter just to get away from Christmas music.
"Son"(snorts line of coke)
"Let me teach you..." (tokes joint)
"a little bit about self control." (slams shot of tequila)
"Where you going?"
"If your junk ain't sore, grind some more." - Eleanor Roosevelt