From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
4th 123rd 11th Anniversary Edition
Last month we spent our Thanksgiving at the home of some good friends of ours. There were about fifteen people in all, and during dinner we were each asked to name the #1 thing for which we were thankful in 2014. I spoke up first and, getting a little verklempt, said "As of May, Michael and I have been together for 20 years." After the chorus of "awwws" died down and I'd gone back to my turkey and stuffing, Michael looked at me from across the table and said, "Twenty one, dear."
In the immortal words of not-gonna-be-president Rick Perry: "Oops."
BiPM tiara shown actual size.
So it was with a great deal of calculators, calendars and care that I triple-checked today's C&J milestone: December 10, 2014 minus December 10, 2003 = 11. I hope.
As my blogiversary gift to you, below the fold is the premiere of the Sepia-ray release of the very first Cheers and Jeers. Just like the previous ten anniversary editions, it's been re-mastered, re-digitized, re-pixilated and given a new score by John Williams. And this year I've assembled a new all-star panel to help me provide exclusive commentary: Vice President Joe Biden, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and live-tweets from Senator Chuck Grassley.
Whether you're one of the two people [waves at Bob Johnson and nevsky42] who posted a comment to my first C&J all those years ago or you're a new reader, thank you for the gift of your eyeballs, your brain and your heart. They have contributed mightily to my late night experiments in the basement.
Cheers and Jeers goes wayback below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Here it is, in glorious Sepia-ray! The first-ever C&J from December 10, 2003, with exclusive commentary by Bill in Portland Maine, Joe Biden, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and live-tweets from Senator Chuck Grassley (yes, they are his actual tweets):
Dispatch from THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Bill in Portland Maine: Thanks for joining our running commentary of the first Cheers and Jeers, from December, 2003. The first thing I should point out is the lack of our trademark "Swoosh!! Gong!!" That would start appearing later as a dig at Fox News's philosophy that if you can't get your facts right, you can at least distract your elderly viewers with really
loud sound effects. I believe Roger Ailes single-handedly saved the gong industry from extinction. So he's worth that, I guess.
Joe Biden: I just gotta say God love ya, ladies and gentlemen. God love ya.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: I don’t know what
Cheers and Jeers is, but it seems awful wordy to me.
Chuck Grassley tweet: I now declare I'm not a"Virtucrat"
Cheer's and Jeers (with apologies...but not really...to TV Guide)
BiPM: If you look carefully you'll see C&J's very first punctuation error. That apostrophe still haunts my dreams.
Biden: Apostrophes have a vital function in society, ladies and gentleman. That's number one. Number two: middle class Americans have a vital function in society. God love 'em, they really do.
Ginsburg: I saw my colleague Tony Scalia throw a chair over an errant apostrophe once. He takes punctuation seriously.
Grassley tweet: Uni ovr GeoMason 71/65. Men bb
CHEERS to Howard Dean for his extraordinary Gore Score. The early endorsement is cherry on top of the whipped cream (union endorsements) on top of the ice cream (grassroots) on top of the cake (Dean). Extra points for upstaging Bush's Medicare sideshow during Monday/Tuesday press cycles.
BiPM: I found Daily Kos by following a link from Dean's blog not long before I posted the first C&J. That was the first campaign I participated in that really electrified me. Howard had me at "What I wanna know is…"
Biden: What I wanna know, ladies and gentlemen, is how do you look into the eyes of a child and not see the future? How do visit an auto plant and not see the backbone of America? How do you fly across this great land and not…
Ginsburg: You gonna go on all day like this? Where I work we can cut off your mic.
Grassley tweet: Windsor Heights Dairy Queen is good place for u kno what
JEERS to the Medicare bill. Democrats asleep at the wheel while Nero (Bush) fiddles. This turkey's as fake as the one in Baghdad mess hall.
BiPM: Ah, yes…the
fake turkey. And the Medicare bill was the one where the chief actuary was threatened with his job by the Bushies if he revealed that it was basically a
textbook case of deficit spending, plus it had a big gaping hole in it that Obamacare had to plug. Oh, and my play on the word "turkey" was pretty nimble, I thought.
Biden: Obamacare is working, ladies and gentleman. Obamacare is working. Obamacare…is…working.
Ginsburg: We heard you the first two times.
Grassley tweet: I'm having lunch @Chris_Moody talking abt no history on history channel
CHEERS to John Edwards. Doogie Howser is coming into his own as thoughtful VP possibility. Newsweek column on jury system shows real compassion, pragmatism.
BiPM: [
Silence]
Biden: [
Silence]
Ginsburg: [
Silence]
Grassley tweet: Quite lucky. Tonite there is actually history on the channel w that name. Finally!!!
JEERS to Joe Lieberman. Credible rumor now pegs his camp as source of Monday's Dean/Gore leak. Were sour grapes pouting all an act?
BiPM: What happened was, Gore told Lieberman in confidence---as a courtesy because they were on the ticket together in 2000---that he was endorsing Dean and not Lieberman for president. Lieberman then leaked the story to the press so he could steal Dean's thunder as a way of getting back at Gore. Not his biggest asshole moment, but it's probably in the top ten.
Biden: Joe is a friend and a colleague and represents the best ideals of American leadership…
Ginsburg: In bed! Ha ha. Alito gets very upset when I do that to him during orals.
Grassley tweet: If at first u don't succeed sky diving is not for u
JEERS to Alfred E. Koppel. Gives candidates not named Dean chance to blast Guv at point blank range in NH debate. All those who think he acted like a total dumbass, raise your hand.
CHEERS to Dennis Kucinich for Ted Koppel slapdown. No wonder the broads are coming out of the woodwork for this Ohio hottie (but can they go vegan?)
CHEERS to Carol Moseley Braun, for opting out of the Dean bloodbath at debate. Classy broad, don'tcha know.
BiPM: That was the debate where Koppel
asked the candidates to "raise your hand if you believe that Dean can beat Bush." Kucinich then said something to Koppel like, "Some of the best talent in American politics is on this stage right now, so grow up." Oh, and I regret the use of the word broad. It was a different time back then during the Roaring Aughts.
Biden: A noun, a verb and nine-eleven. Remember that debate, ladies and gentlemen? That was your Uncle Joe here sticking the knife into Rudy, god love him.
Ginsburg: You'll have to continue without me for a moment. I have to do my pushups now. One…two…..
Grassley tweet: Surprise. Still more history on history channel. Now. Cleopatra
JEERS to Dick "Elmer Fudd" Cheney. Slaughters 70 pre-caught game birds on "hunting" expedition. As if we needed more proof that his heart was removed long ago...
BiPM: Then he got tired of shooting helpless birds in the ass and moved on to shooting helpless lawyers in the face.
Biden: Dick Cheney once told my colleague Pat Leahy to go fuck himself. That was highly uncalled-for, number one. Number two…
Ginsburg: Enough with the numbers, Joe. You're making me lose count! Twenty nine…thirty…
Grassley tweet: Prolific
CHEERS to Supremes for upholding parts of McCain/Feingold bill. Sure it's a Band-Aid, but at least now it's got some real stick to it.
BiPM: No idea what that was about, but…rah rah whatever. I hope Russ runs for something again.
Biden: God love Russ, ladies and gentlemen. He was a towering oak in a forest of people who were just knee-high to a grasshopper. Honest to god, he really was.
Ginsburg: …ninety nine…one hundred.
Grassley tweet: History on the history channel. Yes history. Attila the Hun Rite now
CHEERS and a fond farewell to Senator Paul Simon. Some of the current occupants of The Chamber could take a lesson or two from him...but they're too dumb. Memo to Smithsonian: snag one of those bow ties!
BiPM: I always
liked Paul Simon. Just an all-around good guy.
Biden: A man of great integrity and a heckuva poker player.
Ginsburg: Ditto.
Grassley tweet: There is history on the History Channel rite now Tune in before they go to swamp man
JEERS to George W. Bush's "spontaneous" appearance during Larry King Live show. Walk-on during end of Laura interview reveals hopelessly inarticulate boob. No Red Ryder BB gun for you, pal, until you learn how to say "Merry Christmas" without gritting your teeth.
BiPM: You can check
the transcript: George W. Bush actually told Larry King that his wife Laura's decorating was "a heck of a good job." Ouch. What a dry drunk.
Biden: When it came to George Bush the second, ladies and gentlemen, I always said that 'as everyone knows the sequel is always worse than the original.'
Ginsburg: The Empire Strikes Back was better than
Star Wars.
Thriller was better than
Off the Wall.
Ms. Pac-Man was better than
Pac-Man. But point taken.
Grassley tweet: Saw store w my own eyes. American Pickers/Antique Archeology on History Channel has HISTORY. Gr8 to see entrepreneurial Iowans
CHEERS to Al Gore for showing true cojones in Dean nod. Veep understands that the only way to break out of Democratic party complacency is to shake, shake, SHAKE things up. Beltway bluster proves he's right on.
BiPM: Gore was right for recognizing the potential of the grassroots and the value of the budding netroots. I shook his hand once. It was sweaty. I'm told that's a sign of high brain activity.
Biden: If only there was a current sitting vice president who was ready, able and willing to shake things up, ladies and gentlemen, and lead this country into a blazing future of prosperity and exceptionalism. Oh, wait…there is!
Ginsburg: Real subtle, Joe.
Grassley tweet: Famous IA State corn dogs. Great: if you don't believe me just ask me.
CHEERS to the Maine lobster industry. Another banner year is good year for butter industry. And bib makers!
BiPM: We now have so many lobsters off the coast of Maine that pretty soon they'll be demanding their own representation in the legislature. And then it's just a matter of time before they introduce Crustaceancare.
Biden: When President Barack Obama signs Crustaceancare into law, ladies and gentlemen, it's going to be a big fucking deal!
Ginsburg: As soon as we leave this room, I'm going to pull out my titanium stent and beat you over the head with it.
Grassley tweet: If u want history u won't get it on the History Channel rite now. So turn to Iowa public TV and u can get history of Austro-HungarianEmpire
Developing...
BiPM: I added that word at the end of the first few columns as a little dig at Drudge. Which reminds me of a funny story. Back in 1978...
Biden: Goodbye, ladies and gentleman. God bless you, and god bless these United States of America... [
ker-SLAM!!!]
Ginsburg: I'm outta here... [
ker-SLAM!!!]
Grassley tweet: I just tried History Channel. Hurry. It's showing WWI
BiPM: Oh well. I guess it can wait 'til our twelfth-year anniversary. Bye.
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