Washington, D.C. - Last Sunday, Dick Cheney freely admitted that the Bush Administration believed torturing innocents was justifiable, going against this republic's long held tradition of the Blackstone's formulation in regards to the use of torture. Former Vice-President, and now admitted war criminal, Dick Cheney also stated emphatically then President George Walker Bush also knew that the CIA was more than likely torturing innocent civilians.
Probably the most shocking accusations come formerly discredited whistle-blower analysts, is how Bush was told. They state one night Bush challenged Cheney over the torture program and the Vice-President struck the President repeatedly in the face in a fit of rage. Bush would later claim to have "choked on a pretzel."
"To his credit, President Bush was very uneasy with the moral slipper slope the Vice President's Office was presenting," an undisclosed analyst said. "But Cheney and Bolton were very gun-ho, especially after Yoo had given them the green light. When President Bush appeared to be siding with the State Department and having the assets sent to Leavenworth instead of Thailand, Dick Cheney came over to the White House in what can only be described as 'Sopranos'-style."
"Bush was never the same President after that, the Vice President's Office pretty much ran the show at that point, at least with foreign affairs," the analyst also added. "It was a shame to see Bush's name dragged across late-night comedy over choking on a pretzel. But that does sound better than getting roughed up by the Vice President because he refused to torture innocents."
All calls to the innocents tortured and the defamed pretzel were not returned by press time.
Former Vice-President Dick Cheney was deemed to dangerous a criminal to approach for comment.