From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
It Seems Like It Was Only---[BLAM!!!]---Yesterday
On February 13, 2006---after the Cheney team sat on the news for a day---America finally learned that the vice president went hunting and bagged himself a lawyer:
Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a campaign contributor during a weekend quail hunt on a friend's South Texas ranch, local authorities and the vice president's office said Sunday. The wounded man, 78-year-old Harry Whittington, was in intensive care at a Corpus Christi hospital after being hit by several pellets of birdshot Saturday afternoon, hospital spokesman Peter Banko told CNN.
That was the signal to unleash the
hounds of late night:
"They were in a car, they drive along, they get out of the car, he shoots his friend in the face, then they get back in the car and they go hide for 18 hours. That’s not hunting, that's an episode of The Sopranos."
---Jay Leno
In fairness, Whittington, above, was
wearing some hardcore camo.
"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, was shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
---Jon Stewart
"To the vice president's credit, he did own up to it. On FOX News he said the fault was his, he can't blame anybody else. It's amazing---the only time you get accountability out of this administration
is when they are actually holding a smoking gun."
---Bill Maher
"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil."
---Jimmy Kimmel
I bring this up not only to mark one of many jaw-dropping milestones during the previous accidency…er, presidency, but to remind you that Deadeye Dick is still alive and roaming the countryside. Happy Friday the 13th.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 13, 2015
Note: Today is Friday the 13th, and I can prove that it's unlucky in five words: "You're reading Cheers and Jeers."
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2015 enrollment period for health insurance via the ACA ends:
2
Days 'til
Brite Winter in Cleveland, Ohio:
8
Minimum number of lynchings that happened in the American South from 1877 to 1950:
3,959
(Source: Equal Justice Initiative)
Number of jobs Home Depot plans to fill this spring:
80,000
Current unemployment rate across the eurozone:
11.4%
Percent of Americans believing in astrology in 2006 and 2015, respectively:
32%, 45%
(Source: National Science Foundation)
Years Jon Stewart has hosted
The Daily Show:
16
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Bearpuppehs!!!
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CHEERS to President Obama. He won the internet with what you see below:
Even better, he drove conservatives nuts with what you see above.
This Philly statue commemorates
Washington's victory at Valley Forge.
CHEERS to party central. The DNC has spoken, and the site of the 2016 Democratic National Convention is….
Philadelphia! Appropriate, I think, to have it in the city where a bunch of white guys got together to proclaim that "All men are created equal" as the nation bids farewell to its first black president and readies itself to elect the first woman to the highest office in the land. Republicans, meanwhile will have their convention in Cleveland, where they'll relive one of their feel-good moments of yore by setting the Cuyahoga River on fire.
"I love you WOMEN!!!"
---Ann Romney
CHEERS to women on the move. On tomorrow's date in 1920, the group that Republicans today call "that damned nuisance"---The League of Women Voters---was founded in Chicago under the direction of president
Maud Wood Park. It still amazes me how hard women had to fight for basic equality in the land of "Liberty and justice for all." I guess we're just slow learners. Guys: tonight you cook.
JEERS to that inevitable moment when the BS hits the fan. For six years, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell have had one word for legislation proposed by President Obama and Democrats in Congress: "No!" Even the bills that would help pull America out of its economic tailspin and make life better for millions of Americans---"No! No! No!" Republicans proudly owned the word, embraced the word, and became synonymous with the word. So now that they're in the majority (and floundering), how does the "Party of No" act when Democrats follow the GOP playbook? Exactly as you'd expect:
...unless they're in the majority. Then
they're the party of hapless hypocrites.
House Speaker John Boehner on Wednesday called on Senate Democrats to "get off their ass" and help pass Republican-backed legislation that would fund the Department of Homeland Security while gutting the president's immigration actions.
"Why don't you go ask the Senate Democrats when they're going to get off their ass and do something other than to vote no," Boehner told reporters.
In fairness, no one ever accused Republicans of having a lock on self-awareness. Meanwhile, the 114th Congress
is on vacation next week. How we'll be able to tell is anyone's guess.
"Judo chop! Hai!!!"
JEERS to incivility. On Sunday's date in 1798, the House of Representatives was the site of the
first congressional brawl, when much knocking of noggins occurred after the hurling of insults followed by Rep. Matthew Lyon (Vermont) spitting in the face of Roger Griswold (Tennessee). Then…
"He in a trice struck Lyon thrice
Upon his head, enrag'd sir,
Who seiz'd the tongs to ease his wrongs,
And Griswold thus engag'd, sir."
Yes, fireplace tongs were a weapon of choice. Of course, today you wouldn’t find congressmen coming to blows like that. It might muss up their manicures.
Sunday night.
CHEERS to home vegetation. The big event this weekend on the teevee (if you don’t count staying glued to the Weather Channel to monitor the weekend storm that's expected to dump another foot or two of snow here), is the 3-hour
Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary special Sunday night. I still say that show is just a fad, but whatever. Meanwhile, on tonight's edition of HBO's
Real Time, Bill Maher talks with Robert Kenner, David Duchovny, Tom Davis, Zanny Minton Beddoes and Baratunde Thurston. New
DVD releases include Jake Gyllenhaal's creepy turn in
Nightcrawler and Jon Stewart's
Rosewater. No regular NBA games because the
All-Star Game is Sunday at 8:30. The NHL schedule
is here. (The Bruins will "can" the Canucks Ha Ha Ha!) John Oliver skewers another sacred cow on
Last Week Tonight, but not before a corset snafu takes out one of the parapets at
Downtown Abbey.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup, oh boy oh boy oh boy….
Meet the Press: Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald gives an update on improvements being made at the VA.
This Week: House Armed Services Committee member and Iraq War veteran Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) and House Intelligence Committee ranking member Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); roundtable with Jim VandeHei, Donna Brazile, Ana Navarro and Robert Costa.
Face the Nation: White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough; Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN); Rep. John Lewis (D-GA) on the 50th anniversary of the Selma marches; yakkety-yak with Kimberley Strassel (WSJ), Jeffrey Goldberg (Atlantic), Peter Baker (NYT) and Jan Crawford (CBS News).
CNN's State of the Union: Former SecDef Leon Panetta.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: The fair-and-balanced network shows it appreciates diversity by booking orange-faced John Boehner and redneck Alabama chief justice Roy Moore; roundtable with Julie Pace, George Will, Juan Williams and Dana Perino.
Or, if you prefer a little diversity with your pancakes, Media Matters' annual analysis shows that you should be watching
Melissa Harris Perry instead. Either way, happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 13, 2005
CHEERS to the Democratic Wing of the Democratic Party. Knock knock. Who's there? Howard Dean. Howard Dean who? Howard Dean, Chairman of the Freakin' Democratic National Committee!!! (Memo to self: breakdancing after 40 = Bad Idea.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to love in Blogger Land. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! As usual, nearly ten billion of those addictive Sweethearts candies were made out of pure sugar to give lovers everywhere a chance to punish their pancreas like that dude in Fifty Shades of Grey punishes his lovers. [Note: This fulfills my legal obligation to mention that grossly-overrated movie at least once on opening day. So there.] In a tradition we started a few years back, here's our annual list of candy heart sayings for modern-day Republicans:
LET'S GO GALT
CAN'T. OOPS.
FAUXLIBUST ME
BACKWARD TOGETHER
BEST MISTRESS
KISS ME UNDER THE BLOOD MOON
PRAY AWAY MY GAY?
READY FIRE AIM
TIME FOR HOT SECESSION
GET IN MY BINDER, WOMAN
MY GUN IS LOADED
I ♥ 1% OF U
WHISPER SWEET DO-NOTHINGS
R U A MORAN TOO?
NOT TIL MARRIAGE
CRAZY FOR YOU
MY ARK OR YOURS?
DRILL ME HERE DRILL ME NOW
GERRYMANDER THIS
TINFOIL 4 EVUH
Tonight in the C&J cafeteria we tossed some horny goat weed in with the mac 'n cheese. Please lose control responsibly.
Have a loverly weekend. If you don't see us Monday morning, it means we lost power in the latest Blizzard of the Century. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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