Having reached the grand old age of 63, I find myself taking stock of my life. 63 is like 200 in hippie years. I've become an old man, something I never really saw coming. I never thought I'd make it this far. I've been an adventurer, a risk taker, a misfit, an outlaw and a non-conforming smartass - not traits that promise longevity. I've been robbed, beaten, gassed, busted and jailed at various points from coast to coast. I've survived two suicide attempts, several attempts on my life by others including one professional contract, two years of heroin addiction (no telling how many near overdoses), six and a half years in the Alabama prison system and a million broken hearts, both romantic and humanitarian.
I'm a little amazed, and grateful of course, that I've endured this long. Despite all the pathos and the pain, the failure, shame and misfortune, my woefully imperfect life has been a pageant, a spectacle, an utterly amazing thing. I don't say that to distinguish myself from the least of these our brethren...there are none less than I...the point is that all of our lives are amazing – in one way or another. Our very existence is beyond amazing.
As an Army brat I saw a lot of the world growing up – more than I otherwise would have at least. We lived in Germany, Laos, Thailand and France, in that order. This got me used to the idea that there are many different kinds of people in the world and many different realities other than the privileged, white southern freshly/barely middle-class post world war II American military family that I belonged to. I've always felt that this sensitized me to other cultures. I've always been drawn to foreign students and other outsiders, both because they are innately interesting and because I can relate to being the outsider.
I rebelled at school as a teenager and in my straight-laced (conservative/militaristic) home, dropped out of school, ran away from home and hitch-hiked across much of the US on a self-guided tour of America's detention facilities. Perhaps not all that surprisingly, I was in prison by the time I turned 20. Later, as a young man fresh out of prison, I traveled through the outlaw regions of the Colombian wilds on a cannabis-related mission and wandered down remote trails in the Costa Rican jungle more recently.
Through it all, I've watched people from all walks of life struggle for dignity and survival - some more than others of course. I have learned empathy as a take away lesson from my life experience. Many's the time I have been cruelly insensitive to the plight of others, too hopelessly wrapped in my own shit to empathize with anyone else. So I'm not claiming to be a saint, just that I started learning lessons about real things at a young age. While I had some good instincts as a youngster (for peace and civil rights, against war and racism) I had to evolve to my current views. I've learned just about everything the hard way. It's fortunate that we can learn and self-evolve. It gives me hope for the species. It makes me think we can overcome anything if we remain persistent.
They said it would make me hard to go to prison but it only deepened my compassion for others. They said it would make me racist, it only reinforced my anti-racist views. It gave me a front row look at what it means to be black in America. I was a witness to the reality of it. The shameful, brutal reality of it.
From my perch on the bottom rung of Alabama society, I bore witness and bear witness now to what should be the shocking claim that slavery is still with us. It never went away. And all those lessons we were supposed to be learning back during the civil rights movement? Seems a lot of hateful people were not paying attention and our struggle with ignorance, hatred, dumbness and meanness are a long way from over.
The racism is especially disturbing, that we've come all this way to be this fucked up.
Who can look at another person, someone of another race, culture, religion, whatever, and not see themselves? Or a member of their family? My life has taught me that much. I've come to desire dignity for all of suffering humanity. My own suffering has been as nothing compared to the suffering I have seen all around me wherever i have gone. I've witnessed great suffering up close and personal, especially when I was in prison. I've seen meanness and cold-hearted cruelty in shocking proportion, but I've also seen kindness and compassion, often where one wouldn't expect it. And I know what a difference it makes. Compassion, I'm here to tell you, is the finest of human qualities. It is more precious than gold. From it flows everything that is good.
All our sages have told us this.
I've not been a very good Buddhist. Much of my life has been consumed with desire: for freedom, love, sex, stuff.
Of all the things I have desired, only peace, greater compassion and less suffering rank, finally, as worthy. Most of what consumes us amounts to little in the end. That's why so many people freak out when they achieve their hearts desire and find it does not make them happy or fulfilled. We so often desire the wrong things.
What matters in the end is not what we've managed to do for ourselves but what we've managed to do for others. I worry that I have not done enough. I try not to overlook opportunities to do more. Just as I regret the harm I've done.
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.
Dalai Lama
The thing I have desired the most and longest is peace. Peace between nations, peace between races, cultures, people...just peace, an enveloping, inviting, nurturing permanent peace for one and all. I think it's everyone's right to live in peace.
When I was coming of age in the mid-60s, the racism of the times was so blatantly unjust and unfair...not to mention mean - and murderously so - that even as a close descendant of white southern racists, its wrongness and hatefulness were obvious to me. As a 12, 13 year old, I was transfixed by the civil rights movement and considered myself an ally. I admired all the leaders, especially Dr. King, but I also felt Malcom X was right about self defense and that the Black Panthers were right to stand up for themselves. And all the racism, lynching and assassinations, including Fred Hampton and all the lesser known ones down through the decades and up to Michael Brown, Eric Garner and all the rest were, are and will forever be heartbreaking tragedies and rank injustice that the American people should not put up with for another minute. We need to right these wrongs. It's a crying fucking shame that we've done no better than this.
Militarism likewise made no sense to me. At least not since Vietnam opened my eyes on that score. All this hatred, all this killing made no sense to me. The fact that we'd invented weapons capable of blowing us all to atoms made no sense to me. What made sense to me was peace and love. That's why I became a hippie. I came to realize that all the wisest people counseled love, peace and compassion. All of our sages tried to make us see that the power of love could transform the world while little else could. Love is the closest thing we have to magic. And it's a thing you can have more of if you want it. It's made in the human heart for free. And when you give it away it comes back. The hippies were the most recent ones to bring us that message in a big way. It's still a message we desperately need to hear.
We need for love to be greater than hate.
Take it from one of the smartest living humans:
“The human failing I would most like to correct is aggression. It may have had survival advantage in caveman days, to get more food, territory or a partner with whom to reproduce, but now it threatens to destroy us all,” Hawking answered her, according to the Independent. "A major nuclear war would be the end of civilization, and maybe the end of the human race,” he explained.”
Not only does human aggression no longer serve an obvious purpose, but technological advances, such as nuclear weaponry, have made it so that an incredible amount of damage could be done with very little effort by a small number of people. Hawking isn’t the only prominent scientist to have made this observation; Carl Sagan was outspoken against the development of nuclear arms during his life.
Uyanwah also asked the physicist which human traits he would like to see more often. Unsurprisingly, he commented that he would like to see more kindness and understanding.
“The quality I would most like to magnify is empathy. It brings us together in a peaceful, loving state,” he replied.
Stephen Hawking Claims Aggression Will Be Downfall of Human Race
It's often a good idea to pay attention to what the smarter people are saying.
Which came first, compassion or empathy? I don't know but one follows the other. That much seems clear. Clearer still, we're going to need a lot more of this in the future. We need to start now.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
Dalai Lama
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama
I think this has never been more true and never more important for all of us to realize. The time approaches when the size of our hearts will be what matters most. We cannot go on being selfish, cruel, greedy and mean. We must demand better from our leaders and ourselves. Lest we all come to a sadly predictable bad end. We literally cannot survive without love and compassion. Pour yours into the cosmic pool. Push for a more compassionate and loving society. Accept nothing less.
"Compassion is the new radicalism."
The Dalai Lama
Reform America, from the prisons up and the SCOTUS down. Tear out the hate and replace it with compassion. We're all in this together.
These are my thoughts and desires as I approach the late stages of my life. Desire peace. Work for peace, justice and a sustainable future. It can't hurt. I wish future humanity the very best. It deserves much better than we've delivered, most certainly. Can't hurt to keep trying. And that we should. And thanks to all who do.