I've decided to try my hand at humor:
ROME, VATICAN CITY- Pope Francis has launched a scathing attack on President of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdogan regarding the latter's denunciation of the Pope's description of the Armenian Genocide as a genocide.
In an official statement, the pope said: "If Mr. Erdogan has a problem with my super awesome speech about the Armenian Genocide (yes I said it again. What you gonna do, bitch?), he can take his thick numbskull and jam it right up his ass, for all I care."
The Holy Father also responded to Mr. Erdogan's warning "not to make similar mistakes again."
"Does this uptight dickwad really think he can tell me what to do? Puh-lease," he said. "Look, I know he's all high-and-mighty about being the president of some stupidass backwater country. He probably just can't believe that he actually amounted to anything.
"But me? I lead the Catholic Church, the one true church! I have 1.2 billion followers. Okay yes, most of them are either completely brainwashed or just don't care, but still."
When asked if it was appropriate to respond in the manner he did, Francis replied:
"Uh, what do you think infallible means, fuckwit? I can do whatever the fuck I want. I can't go wrong. I am the representative of God on Earth. If Mr. Erdogan (however the fuck you say that stupid name) has a problem with that, he can take it up with God."
He concluded with: "But I'd urge him to be careful doing so. If he pisses him off, he'll go to Hell. (No one actually believes that crap about everyone going to Heaven, do they?)"