From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Tuesday Twain Blogging
Mark Twain, a man whose bullshit detector went to 11, died 105 years ago, on April 21, 1910. A year earlier he wrote:
I came in with Halley's comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'
More Twain:
"Always respect your superiors; if you have any."
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
“Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.”
"If man could be crossed with the
cat it would improve man, but it
would deteriorate the cat."
“Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”
"Travel is fatal to prejudice."
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
"It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races."
"To eat is human…to digest‚ divine."
“Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.”
“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”
“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable.”
He was anti-slavery, pro-women's rights, clear-eyed about religion, and a big supporter of labor unions. Occasionally humorous, too. Pay
your respects here.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Note: FREE GYROCOPTER RIDES ALL DAY!!!!
(Disclaimer: Must bring own gyrocopter and provide free rides all day.)
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til election day in Britain:
16
Days 'til the
Central Railroad Festival in South Carolina:
4
Estimated pounds of adult bluefish tuna in the western Atlantic, the highest level since the early 1980s, prompting its removal from the list of over-fished species:
66 million
Estimated number of violent anti-Semitic attacks around the world in 2013 and 2014, respectively:
554 / 766
(Source: Annual Tel Aviv University report)
Amount for which for-profit Heald College is being fined for misleading students with false post-graduation employment statistics:
$30 million
Developed nations whose gap between rich and poor has grown faster than that of the United States since the Great Bush Recession:
0
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Estimated number of Confederate war statues in the south:
500-1,000
(Source: AP)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
The fine folks at Hot Air react in the comments to a Lindsey Graham candidacy for president…
I’ll buy him a dress!
---JugearsButtHurt
We need more brilliant foreign policy minds like Miss Lindsey to advise us to side with the Muslim brotherhood, arm the “moderate” rebels in Syria who practise cannibalism, invade Libya, etc.
---Redstone
I wouldn’t spit on him if he were on fire.
---rbj
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Said Mitt Romney, "Don’t look at me. I was stuck in my car elevator that day."
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CHEERS to masters of the quill. The Pulitzer Prizes were announced yesterday, and it was cool to see that one of the finalists in Editorial Cartooning is "Dan Perkins, drawing as Tom Tomorrow, of Daily Kos For cartoons that create an alternate universe---an America frozen in time whose chorus of conventional wisdom is at odds with current reality." Woo hoo, congrats! You can see the whole list here. Glad to see these get recognized:
As always, the winners
each receive a gold medal
and one of these things.
Marisa Taylor, Jonathan Landay and Ali Watkins of McClatchy Newspapers: For timely coverage of the Senate Intelligence Committee's report on CIA torture, demonstrating initiative and perseverance in overcoming government efforts to hide the details.
Ziva Branstetter and Cary Aspinwall of the Tulsa World: For courageous reporting on the execution process in Oklahoma after a botched execution – reporting that began a national discussion.
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch Photography Staff for powerful images of the despair and anger in Ferguson, MO, stunning photojournalism that served the community while informing the country.
The top prize in fiction goes to
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. He barely edged out the Republican budget and Bill O'Reilly's
My Life In A War Zone.
CHEERS and JEERS to strange seatfellows. I've got good news and bad news. The good news: President Obama sits down for an interview today on MSNBC. The bad news: the interviewer is Chris Matthews. The president will answer questions from behind a blast shield in case Tweety's ego explodes.
Jeb's millstone.
JEERS to the elephant in the campaign strategy room. George W. Bush likes to say that he doesn’t know what his legacy will be because not enough time has elapsed since he left office. But I think he's keenly aware that the years 2001-2009 will long be regarded as eight years of psychotic leadership that we're still digging out of. And you'll hear that (in so many words) from none other than
George W. Bush himself:
George W. Bush has identified one potential problem his brother Jeb Bush might experience in a possible presidential campaign: “Me.” […] “It’s an easy line to say, ‘Haven’t we had enough Bushes?’ After all, even my mother said, ‘Yes,’” he told the Healthcare Information and Management Systems Society’s annual conference. “That’s why you won’t see me out there…"
Moments after W finished his speech, Jeb flew his brother down to Florida and gently locked him back in his tool shed. See ya on November 9th, 2016, li'l painter.
CHEERS to dollars and sense. As we plug away through a new week, here are some of the economic headlines that have been making the rounds. The usual whiplash alert applies:
Also: Disney's stock got a $2 billion boost
when the new Star Wars trailer came out,.
• Consumers thaw out of harsh winter weather
• Economics may render air travel as unhealthy as it is unpleasant
• Nationwide, rents keep rising
• Morgan Stanley reveals highest profit since recession
• Hispanic teens found to be at high risk of quitting school to add to household income
• Job picture brighter for college grads
• Kraft Mac & Cheese to ditch artificial dyes
• Junk bonds: the next financial crisis?
• Foreign investors may soon trade on Saudi stock market
• Higher gas prices push inflation up
And this:
Etsy makes strong stock market debut. It becomes the first publicly-traded company in history whose stock certificates are cross-stitched.
CHEERS to wurds. 187 yeers agow tooday, Noah Webster puhbilshed the fuhrst (frist??) Amarrican dikshunery. It hellpd peeple spull bettor. (Sorry about that...this is the one day of the year that we let our spellchecker have the keys to the liquor cabinet.)
At 22.8 hours, Pat Switzer
smashed the tot crawl record.
CHEERS to makin' a beeline for Boston. Despite raw weather and a higher-than-usual number of hypothermia cases (welcome to April in New England), the
Boston Marathon was smooth from start to finish. And the winners are…
Ethiopian runner Lelisa Desisa finished first…reclaiming the top spot in a race he last won two years ago when it was struck by a deadly bombing attack. Caroline Rotich of Kenya led the women's field, affirming African athletes' dominance at the race. […]
The top U.S. male finisher was Dathan Ritzenhein, of Michigan, who finished seventh. The top U.S. women's finisher, Desiree Linden, led the pack for much of the race before Rotich passed her in the final miles, leaving Linden to finish fourth.
As usual, the winner of the jetpack division, clocking in at .078 seconds---was Geeky McNerd from MIT, who is expected to make a full recovery from a nasty bout of windburn.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 21, 2005
JEERS to losing your appetite. Oh, the insanity! First we read that the government has scrapped its traditional food pyramid in favor of 12 new ones to confuse the hell out of us. Now a new report shows the rules might not even be necessary because people who are moderately overweight are actually healthier than people who aren't. I think their campaign to end overeating is working...'cause I'm so confused that now all I want to do is drink.
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And just one more…
"Helloooooo!!!"
CHEERS to the Royal Birthday Gal. Now playing on her iPod:
Happy Birthday to Ye
Happy Birthday to Ye
Happy Birthday, Dear Mum, Ma'am, Your Highness Queen Elizabeth II
Happy Birthday to Ye!
I'm a little busy today, so I'm counting on you to spank her 89 times. (And don't forget to give her "a pinch to grow an inch." Then run like hell.)
Oh, and speaking of royals: we feel it necessary to bow to King Henry VIII on this, the 506th anniversary of his ascension to the throne. Mainly because we're rather fond of keeping our head---oh, what's the word?---attached. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"The force is strong in my family. I have it. My father has it. My sister has it. Bill in Portland Maine has that power, too."
---Commander Luke Skywalker
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